OT: Dad jokes

[DJ Spanky]

Alright, lets have 'em!

 

[SkilletHead2]

Read in Catskills accent:

Waiter, taste the soup.
What'sa matter? It not hot enough?
Taste the soup.
Is it cold? I can have it heated up.
Taste the soup.
Too salty? I tell the cook about that sometimes.
Just taste the soup.
OK, where's your spoon?
Ah HAH!

 

[RUDave_01]

Why does Norway put bar codes on their warships?

So they can scan da navy in.

 

[Friend of 112]

Read in Catskills accent:

Waiter, taste the soup.
What'sa matter? It not hot enough?
Taste the soup.
Is it cold? I can have it heated up.
Taste the soup.
Too salty? I tell the cook about that sometimes.
Just taste the soup.
OK, where's your spoon?
Ah HAH!

 

[Friend of 112]

Dad, are we pyromaniacs?
Yes, we arson.

 

[75liteweight]

Saw this one in a movie.

Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick

 

[SkilletHead2]

View embedded media

I'd forgotten this was in this movie. I heard it originally years before -- might have been Buddy Hackett.

 

[WhoRU?]

What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer….

Mostly the taste.

 

[dfr1966]

What do you call a potato shaped like a penis?

Dictator.

 

[RUtrumpet92]

My boss calls me the Computer. But it's not for my amazing calculating skills. If he leaves me alone for 15 minutes, I fall asleep.

 

[RUinPAC10land]

What do you call a potato shaped like a penis?

Dictator.

Sorry but I would not tell this to my 8 year old.

 

[dfr1966]

But a 14 year old would find it funny

 

[NBHPRU]

Did you ever give your cat a bath?

How did you get the hair off your tongue?

 

[Scarlet4Shore]

Two peanuts were walking down the street.

One was a salted.

 

[WhichReligionIsRight]

 

[hoquat63]

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rinocerous?

 

[hoquat63]

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rinocerous?

Eliphino (Hell if I know)

 

[BigRnj]

In honor of my Pops who just passed away on May 28th… he could really tell a joke, and I’m sure he has his old friends laughing today:

He would tell the tragic story of how his neighbor Patty worked at the local brewery and one day fell into a vat of beer and drowned.

So after Patty drowned the brewery’s foreman went to his house to tell his widow the sad news. The widow Mary, ever concerned with Patty’s well being said to the foreman “tell me kind sir, please tell me that my dear Patty didn’t suffer.” The foreman thought for a moment and said “no I don’t believe Patty suffered, he got out three times to go to the bathroom.”


RIP Pops I hope to smile whenever I think of you

 

[mikemarc1]

What do you call a fortune telling dwarf that has escaped from jail?

a small medium at large.

 

[RUPsyched]

My Dad used to say "Let's go get Chinese Ice Cream". What is Chinese Ice Cream you ask?
Friend Lees.

7 billion people in this world and he was probably the only one who would think this was even remotely funny.

 

[MadRU]

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon…..,I’ll let you know.

 

[mildone]

But a 14 year old would find it funny

So would an 8 year old.

 

[MadRU]

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey but then I turned myself around.

 

[Purple-Ed]

Why don't cannibals eat comedians?

Because they taste funny.

 

[Plum Street]

I got concert tickets for 45 cents .

It was nickel back playing with fifty cent

 

[MadRU]

What does Beethoven do in his grave?

He decomposes

 

[PiscatawayMike]

Guy walks into a seafood restaurant and asks the waitress, "Do you serve crabs?"

The waitress tells him, "Sit down. We serve anybody."

 

[RU-Choppin-Ohio]

A group of professional, successful, rich men are all in a room. They represent business, politics, sports, entertainment, etc. Which one wears the biggest Hat ?


The one with the Biggest Head !

 

[mikebal9]

When does a joke become a dad joke?

 

[MadRU]

What does a dentist call an X-Ray?

A toothpick

 

[MadRU]

A limbo champion walks into a bar.

 

[AreYouNUTS]

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When you can't tell "your momma" jokes anymore?

 

[mikebal9]

When you can't tell "your momma" jokes anymore?

When it becomes apparent.

 

[AreYouNUTS]

When it becomes apparent.

oh boy....lol....well done

 

[hoquat63]

When you can't tell "your momma" jokes anymore?

What’s the difference between a momma gorilla and the Prince of Wales?

one is a hairy parent and the other is a heir apparent

 

[DJ Spanky]

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.25/pound, deer nuts are under a buck.

 

[WhichReligionIsRight]

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?








































Sadly, he pasta way.

 

[mildone]

What did one ocean say to another? Nothing, they just waved.

 

[hoquat63]

What was the name of the Polish inventor who created the first personal watercraft?

Stash Jetski

 

[nutfromSEC117]

What are women at a Tupperware party and a walrus both looking for ?
a tight seal