OT: Dad jokes

[mikemarc1]

It’s the law that if it’s raining in Sweden, you have to drive with your headlights on.

But how the heck am I supposed to know that it’s raining in Sweden?!?!

 

[mikemarc1]

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey.

But I turned myself around.

 

[mikemarc1]

I’m addicted to singing the song “The lion sleeps tonight”

The urge to randomly just belt it out is always just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away…..

 

[Knight Ed]

My wife told me I was immature, I told ger to GET OUT OF MY FORT!

 

[RANDALLJ]

what is the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?

1 is a Goodyear, the other is a Great year.

 

[MadRU]

What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

Ones a Superhero the other is a command.

 

[hoquat63]

What should you do if you are attacked by a group of clowns?

Go for the juggler

 

[DJ Spanky]

I have the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

 

[Doteman]

I dated a swiss girl once. Everything was going great until she took me to her hometown. Too many red flags

 

[DJ Spanky]

What do you do to an elephant with 3 balls? Walk him and pitch to the giraffe.

 

[RU Golfer]

What do lawyers wear to work

Law Suits

 

[mikemarc1]

A truck delivering NyQuil overturned on Route 18 this morning. Luckily, no congestion expected on the highway for 24 hours.

 

[MadRU]

I went to the zoo recently, they only had a dog, it was a shih tzu.

 

[MadRU]

My friend has schizophrenia, but he’s good people.

 

[MadRU]

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

 

[MadRU]

Did you hear about the cross eyed circumciser? He got the sack.

 

[MadRU]

I was made to walk the plank when I was a kid, we couldn’t afford a dog.

 

[PiscatawayMike]

When is the moon heaviest?

When it is full.

 

[CharlieCPA]

I was told watermelons can't get married. However, no one said they canteloupe.

 

[hoquat63]

What would you get if you crossed Lassie with a cantaloupe?

A melon collie baby

 

[MadRU]

My printers name is Bob Marley because it always be jammin.

 

[mikemarc1]

I told my psychologist that some days i feel like a wigwam, and the next day i feel like a teepee. I asked her what was wrong?

She says, You're two tents. Relax.

 

[RU Golfer]

Someone called me yesterday sneezed, coughed and hung up.

Theses cold calls are sickening

 

[willisneverrana43]

What's the worst thing that a woman can hear after having sex with Willie Nelson?



































I'm not Willie Nelson.

 

[Plum Street]

I stay up all night thinking about a very important issue ….then it dawned on me