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OT: One Line Jokes

What did the bartender say to the horse when he walked into the pub?




"Why the long face buddy??!!"
 
An ancient Roman walks into a bar. He holds two fingers up in a V and tells the bartender "5 beers please".
 
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Originally posted by zappaa:
What did the bus driver say to the moron?




Sorry, no more on.
Zap, your dad has a lifetime supply of great one liners. I have the book to prove it. My favorite has always been (and there a lot of truth to it) "Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded"
 
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I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
 
More than one line, but funny.

The Sensitive Man



A woman meets a man in a bar.



They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together..



They get back to his place,



And as he shows her around his apartment.



She notices that one wall of his bedroom is

completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.



There are three shelves in the bedroom,



With hundreds and hundreds of cute,

Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed



In rows, covering the entire wall!



It was obvious that he had taken

Quite some time to lovingly arrange them



And she was immediately touched



By the amount of thought he had

Put into organizing the display.



There were small bears all along

The bottom shelf,

Medium-sized bears covering the

Length of the middle shelf,



And huge, enormous bears running

All the way along the top shelf.



She found it strange for an

Obviously masculine guy



To have such a large collection of

Teddy Bears.




She is quite impressed by his

Sensitive side.



But doesn't mention this to him.



They share a bottle of wine and

Continue talking and,



After awhile, she finds herself

Thinking,




'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy

Could be the one!



Maybe he could be the future

Father of my children?'



She turns to him and kisses him

Lightly on the lips



He responds warmly



They continue to kiss, the passion builds,



And he romantically lifts her in

His arms and carries her into his bedroom



Where they rip off each other's

Clothes and make hot, steamy love.



She is so overwhelmed that she

Responds with more passion,



More creativity, more heat than she

Has ever known.



After an intense, explosive night

Of raw passion with this sensitive guy,



They are lying there together in

The afterglow.




The woman rolls over, gently

Strokes his chest and asks coyly,



'Well, how was it?'



The guy gently smiles at her,



Strokes her cheek,




Looks deeply into her eyes,



And says...........



'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.'
 
SayHey,
That's a long why to go for that joke
laugh.r191677.gif
(and didn't she meet him working at the county fair or boardwalk??)

anyway, I'll get the thread back on topic (and yes, I got a million of em!)

I gave up bowling for sex, the balls are lighter and you don't have to change your shoes.
 
Originally posted by AreYouNUTS:
What did the bartender say to the horse when he walked into the pub?




"Why the long face buddy??!!"
The horse answered, "Because my alcoholism is tearing apart my family."

A pair of jumper cables walked into a bar, the bartender said Ill serve ya, but don't start anything buddy..
 
Speaking of polar bears...

A polar bear walked into a bar. He says I'd like to order a gin.................................and tonic.

Bartender says "sure thing, but why the huge pause?"

Polar bear said, "ehh I was born with them."
 
One of my glass wearing brothers would say this when we ordered a beer and the waitress asked if we wanted glasses. He would always respond with No thanks, I'm wearing them.
 
Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.
 
A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "sorry bud, we don't serve your kind here." The mushroom replies, "why not, I'm a fun guy."

How do you tell the difference between a male chromosome and a female chromosome? Pull down its jeans.
 
What do call a Chinese guy that flies a plane?








A pilot, you racist bastards.
wink.r191677.gif
 
A giraffe walks into a bar and the bartender says byou want a longneck?" and the giraffe says "I got a choice??"
 
Pirate walks into a bar with a peg leg, eye patch and a hook for a hand but for some reason, he has a ship`s wheel on his crotch. Bartender says "before I get you a drink I gotta ask, I get the whole pirate thing you got going on, the peg leg the eye patch but what's with the wheel on your crotch?" Pirate goes, "arrrrhh I DOE know but it's drivin` me nuts!!!"
 
Why is #6 so scared??

Because #7..8..9!

(math joke from my kids)



What's BLUE and smells like red paint????
..
..
..
..
blue paint!
 
Originally posted by ScarletNut:
Confucious says, "Female who fly upside down have crack up".
Confucius say: "Man walk sideways though airport metal detector going to Bangkok."
 
Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?

He was out standing in his field.
This post was edited on 5/5 10:29 AM by RUHotTrumpetMonkeyLove
 
I'm getting old. Now it takes me all night to do what I used to do all night.

(a Henny Youngman momento)
 
What do you do to an elephant with 3 balls?













Walk him and pitch to the giraffe.
 
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