OT: Fostering

[PhilaPhans]

My sister and I are in the middle of the process of becoming foster "parents" (interviews, finger printing, in home visits, etc).

Has anybody gone through this side of the fostering thing before (not being a foster child, but a guardian)?

What were your experiences like?

 

[Phi_1055]

My sister and I are in the middle of the process of becoming foster "parents" (interviews, finger printing, in home visits, etc).

Has anybody gone through this side of the fostering thing before (not being a foster child, but a guardian)?

What were your experiences like?

I hope everything goes well for you with this.

I asked my daughter, who is a foster parent recruiter for a NYC agency, for any tips or advice for you. She replied, "Every state has different requirements and practices around licensing foster parents, so it matters where you live."

Keep that in mind with any helpful replies you get.

 

[fischy5000]

I dont know if this is a Jersey rule or elsewhere but I think the biological parent has something like 18 months to 'change their mind' about giving the child up (unless they're officially unfit/on drugs or something else illegal). So my comment would just be to be prepared that you never know what could happen even if you foster a child and the situation is amazing, there is always a chance a year or so down the road the bio parent could decide they want their kid back.

 

[ScarletRunner]

I dont know if this is a Jersey rule or elsewhere but I think the biological parent has something like 18 months to 'change their mind' about giving the child up (unless they're officially unfit/on drugs or something else illegal). So my comment would just be to be prepared that you never know what could happen even if you foster a child and the situation is amazing, there is always a chance a year or so down the road the bio parent could decide they want their kid back.

I don't have a legal background and keep in mind the rules are state-specific as others have mentioned.

That having been said, I have two clients who have gone down this road and lost the children due to the claims of others (one due to a biological parent and the other to another guardian who had custody of a sibling). Needless to say this is a wonderful thing to do and I certainly wouldn't want to discourage you, but I have seen it end in absolute heartache.

 

[PhilaPhans]

Right now we're just looking to help out some kids in the system. If something like that happens down the road, so be it. This is the first time anybody I know has gone down this road, so it'll be interesting.

 

[retired711]

Right now we're just looking to help out some kids in the system. If something like that happens down the road, so be it. This is the first time anybody I know has gone down this road, so it'll be interesting.

You're doing a great thing. I hope it goes well for you.

 

[vkj91]

First congrats on being a solid person. Being a foster parent is very rewarding both parties. now for the negative, the system sucks and pretty much the state will do their best to screw up at every turn. Best of luck

 

[FELONIOUSMONK]

I cant answer your questions but I can certainly give you both props for doing something that most of us would never do..Good luck to you and your new family member.

 

[PRH_RU]

My sister and I are in the middle of the process of becoming foster "parents" (interviews, finger printing, in home visits, etc).

Has anybody gone through this side of the fostering thing before (not being a foster child, but a guardian)?

What were your experiences like?

Its a little weird you are going thru this process with your sister...ok someone had to say it...

 

[FELONIOUSMONK]

Actually nobody had to say it.

 

[Saint Puppy]

Its a little weird you are going thru this process with your sister...ok someone had to say it...

To be honest when I saw it was his sister my first thought was 'that's awesome!' Best of luck to both of you and agree with others that you should be commended!

 

[PhilaPhans]

Yeah, I don't mind explaining that one, although I'm surprised there's a need to do so.

She is getting the full check at her house (full training, interviews, etc). Right now I'm signing on as a backup for her at my house. That lets me take the kids if necessary for a period of time if my sister has to go away. She does that sometimes because she's in the National Guard. You know, helping protect the country and all. Right now she's away training in Georgia for 6 weeks for something or another, so it might be helpful to have some help. Down the line I'll do the full training as well.

 

[Scarlet1984]

Its a little weird you are going thru this process with your sister...ok someone had to say it...

Nah. No one had to say it.

 

[Scarlet1984]

Nah. No one had to say it.

To clarify: I thought the comment was completely douchey (and I commented) before I read the OP's response. Hopefully, when you saw the OP's response you understood that you got schooled and that you are a douche.

 

[PhilaPhans]

I'm hoping it was just an honest question stated really badly. Yeah, let's just go with that and move on.

I'd love to hear if anybody has any experiences in the matter (feel free to PM me to keep it private if necessary). And thanks to everybody else in the thread for the positive comments, warnings, and advice.

 

[RBNY87]

I spent several years as an child welfare attorney in Brooklyn Family court. Home studies are standard as well as many of the requirements you have been dealing with . Fosted Care and Adoption's are heavily Federal funded so many regs are under the Social Security Act. It is a very nice thing you are doing and feel free to hit me up on direct messages. I know this industry very well.

 

[rutger80]

How do you do private messages, because there are a couple of things I can tell you, having been through the adoption process, for our younger one.

 

[mdh2003]

My sister and I are in the middle of the process of becoming foster "parents" (interviews, finger printing, in home visits, etc).

Has anybody gone through this side of the fostering thing before (not being a foster child, but a guardian)?

What were your experiences like?

Good luck to you.

My mom (mostly) and step-dad took in my sister's childhood best friend. That was over 35 years ago, so I doubt asking my mom about it would be very helpful. But I got what turned into a cool sister out of it. And many years later, awesome nieces, one of which is currently at RU. It absolutely enriched all of our lives.

It takes a special kind of people to do this. You and your sister join my mom in my list of heroes.

 

[T2Kplus10]

My sister and I are in the middle of the process of becoming foster "parents" (interviews, finger printing, in home visits, etc).

Has anybody gone through this side of the fostering thing before (not being a foster child, but a guardian)?

What were your experiences like?

A lot of posters hit the nail on the head with the process/system being pretty bad and that every state is different. My piece of advice is that every child is different. Even children in the exact same situation will react differently. This is unpredicable and sometimes doesn't make sense, so be prepared. Study hard, go to conferences and listen to the experiences of foster parents and foster children (including those that are now young adults).

Also, remember, fostering is about the child, not the foster parent (or even bio parent). Many children in the system need a lot of help. Attachment and connection problems are no joke. They can take a long, long time to correct (or improve) and take a lot of professional attention. Fostering a child, especially one with serious needs will not only be part of your life, it may likely become most of your life. So make sure you can commit to this and as I said before, be prepared. This can be a truly rewarding endeavor beyond what most can imagine, but if it goes wrong and someone is not willing to see it through, it may do more harm to the child than help. Every big change (losing bio parents or changing foster parents) is a trauma that affects a child's mind and such traumas need healing.

 

[PRH_RU]

I did not want to offend. If he said his wife I would have congratulated him. If he said by himself same thing. I just think it is weird that a grown adult lives with his sibling and thinking about adopting a child together.

If he said we are each thinking about adopting kids and are going thru the process together. That would make sense but two sibling adopting a child is a little weird to me.

 

[PRH_RU]

Yeah, I don't mind explaining that one, although I'm surprised there's a need to do so.

She is getting the full check at her house (full training, interviews, etc). Right now I'm signing on as a backup for her at my house. That lets me take the kids if necessary for a period of time if my sister has to go away. She does that sometimes because she's in the National Guard. You know, helping protect the country and all. Right now she's away training in Georgia for 6 weeks for something or another, so it might be helpful to have some help. Down the line I'll do the full training as well.

See that was not clear when he asked the question and I think it is awesome. I am surprised they make the back up do that. I would not need to do that when I travel and leave my kids with their grandparent.

 

[T2Kplus10]

See that was not clear when he asked the question and I think it is awesome. I am surprised they make the back up do that. I would not need to do that when I travel and leave my kids with their grandparent.

There are a lot of things adopted or foster parents have to do that bio parents don't. Most justified, some batshit crazy.

 

[PhilaPhans]

I did not want to offend. If he said his wife I would have congratulated him. If he said by himself same thing. I just think it is weird that a grown adult lives with his sibling and thinking about adopting a child together. If he said we are each thinking about adopting kids and are going thru the process together. That would make sense but two sibling adopting a child is a little weird to me.

Lots of assumptions to clear up: Fostering isn't adoption. I don't live with her. I have my own place. We're just going through the process at the same time, because she suggested it was something I could look into since she had researched it previously, and I thought I would help her out since it's something that is meaningful to me as well. Thank you for the well wishes now that you understand that it's not a creepy thing.

And yeah, I was pretty surprised at everything that's required as well. They also do have "vacation fostering" where a person would take the kids for a period of time while somebody was on vacation. I think the whole "backup" thing is just for legal protection. Nobody could question when I have the kids; I'm not 100% sure but I'm taking it that it would give me some guardianship authority for things like getting permission to take them out of state for a baseball game or something (I'm right outside of Philly), etc. All questions to still ask the social worker.