Associated Press - 8-25-2015 - Newark, NJ - The Associated Press has recently learned that both the Star Ledger and NJ.com are being investigated for numerous grammatical rules violations. According to multiple well placed sources, both entities have been violating well-known grammatical rules that have been known to the general public for centuries. "All I know is that I heard they misplaced commas, used run on sentences and made numerous spelling mistakes in today's edition," said one of the sources. "I'm not sure if it happened in prior editions but they have hired outside counsel to investigate."
Already on the verge of moral and financial bankruptcy, curious readers were wondering how the companies could continue to sustain themselves in the midst of such a putrid scandal. "It just doesn't make sense. Why would anyone continue to use them for a real source of unbiased and grammatically correct news? How in the world can they survive this? I don't know of anyone who subscribes to them going back to at least 2011" said a former subscriber, Greg Schiano of Tampa Bay, FL.
When this reporter inquired as to the specific penalties or sanctions that NJ.com could face, various experts opined that some of the rules were archaic and not even necessary in today's world of online readership. "Honestly, who gives a shit? How is this even news in today's world? No one cares about grammar anymore - have you even seen the internet nowadays?" said a source who wished only to be identified as a BCS football head coach whose team is based in New Jersey and has been victimized by numerous misspellings and other errors over the years. "The people making a big deal out of this really need to get a life," he said. The results of the investigation are expected to be released once all parties are satisfied they have wasted everyone's time and money.
Already on the verge of moral and financial bankruptcy, curious readers were wondering how the companies could continue to sustain themselves in the midst of such a putrid scandal. "It just doesn't make sense. Why would anyone continue to use them for a real source of unbiased and grammatically correct news? How in the world can they survive this? I don't know of anyone who subscribes to them going back to at least 2011" said a former subscriber, Greg Schiano of Tampa Bay, FL.
When this reporter inquired as to the specific penalties or sanctions that NJ.com could face, various experts opined that some of the rules were archaic and not even necessary in today's world of online readership. "Honestly, who gives a shit? How is this even news in today's world? No one cares about grammar anymore - have you even seen the internet nowadays?" said a source who wished only to be identified as a BCS football head coach whose team is based in New Jersey and has been victimized by numerous misspellings and other errors over the years. "The people making a big deal out of this really need to get a life," he said. The results of the investigation are expected to be released once all parties are satisfied they have wasted everyone's time and money.
