Well I guess it is my turn to come to the board for help. I know this has been covered many times, but I can't find old threads. After 35 years of marriage, my wife and I are calling it quits. We were going to use a mediator, but she changed her mind at the last minute. Children are grown, alimony shouldn't be an issue as my wife makes more money than I do. She says she wants to keep it friendly and no surprises. I need suggestions on a good lawyer, but hopefully I don't need a go for the jugular type. Thanks
OT-Divorce lawyer in New Brunswick area
- Thread starter Scarlet dollar
- Start date
My lawyer was the absolute best. Nice woman, who gets tough when necessary.
Needed her 6 years ago. Next year she picked up & left for Oregon. Spoke to an attorney acquaintance a few weeks ago, who said she returned about a 1/2 year ago. If so, look no further.
LeeAnn McCabe Chiacchio
Was located for awhile in Ewing area, but Middlesex County was her primary area to practice in. Believe me, worth looking for her. She was a blessing.
Needed her 6 years ago. Next year she picked up & left for Oregon. Spoke to an attorney acquaintance a few weeks ago, who said she returned about a 1/2 year ago. If so, look no further.
LeeAnn McCabe Chiacchio
Was located for awhile in Ewing area, but Middlesex County was her primary area to practice in. Believe me, worth looking for her. She was a blessing.
Quick goggle search :
Princeton 609-734-7424
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This post was edited on 4/8 11:23 PM by Abro1975
Princeton 609-734-7424
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This post was edited on 4/8 11:23 PM by Abro1975
Alimony most certainly is an issue. Your wife needs to pony up with an alimony amount as determined by your attorney. If the situation was reversed you'd be paying alimony to her for the rest of your life. Your kids will see this as a fair settlement.
Get an attorney that is highly thought of by the family court judges in Middlesex County and make sure that he/she is willing to go for the jugular if necessary. These things many times start off friendly but then degenerate into all out war. Make sure that your attorney is skilled on both fronts.
If your wife is not interested in mediation then she may very well have some secrets and ulterior motives she is not sharing with you. My advice is to walk softly but carry a big stick and don't be afraid to use it when the time comes.
Get an attorney that is highly thought of by the family court judges in Middlesex County and make sure that he/she is willing to go for the jugular if necessary. These things many times start off friendly but then degenerate into all out war. Make sure that your attorney is skilled on both fronts.
If your wife is not interested in mediation then she may very well have some secrets and ulterior motives she is not sharing with you. My advice is to walk softly but carry a big stick and don't be afraid to use it when the time comes.
If she really wants to keep it nice and no surprises, she might go for collaborative divorce. Attorneys are involved but its non-adversarial by design. Google it to find out more. It may be what the two of you want.
This post was edited on 4/9 8:48 AM by 82RU
This post was edited on 4/9 8:48 AM by 82RU
This is who you should call. In addition to being highly qualified and having offices right in New Brunswick, he is a huge Rutgers fan. I am an attorney, and have referred him multiple of my own clients. His short bio on the website speaks for itself.
This post was edited on 4/9 9:14 AM by Ole Cabbagehead
Robert Goodwin, Esq.
Scarlet dollar
If she last minute decided to go lawyer and not mediator...she is concened or wants more than her message indicates
Get a lawyer and get a good one
If she last minute decided to go lawyer and not mediator...she is concened or wants more than her message indicates
Get a lawyer and get a good one
^This . . . a mediator is a way to keep things civil and out of court.
My friend is going through a divorce currently. His wife started the process and said all the right things - i.e. they will co-parent, she will always be there for him, this will be quick and amicable. Well, fast forward a few months and she is going for blood. She has already fired/been fired by her 1st lawyer (the best in town) because he suggested being reasonable, fired the 1st court ordered mediator because she accused him of being a liar and is trying to get full custody even though he has never cheated, has a good job, is a good dad, has no addictions/hang-ups, etc. Women can be ruthless in these situations.
If she makes more than you, make sure you ask for alimony, she would. Even if you don't get it ultimately, it can be a bargaining chip. You also may want to get a PI.
A coworker of mine in his 60s is going through a divorce. His wife had separate accounts and transferred common money away from their joint account. His lawyer said he should get his share back but possession makes a difference, especially if she has spent the money. If it was spent on their children then he may never see it again. He has pensions that are now converted to 401Ks and she is a teacher about to retire. The battle for them is over retirement money. He makes more than her by 20-30k now but in retirement she will have a teacher's pension and he will just have 401k money.
To the OP, check your bank accounts and accounts with joint money to assure nothing has disappeared. If you have a joint residence you need to consult your lawyer on changing the locks if she has left. If you don't she may empty the place out while you are at work but if you do she can challenge that you are keeping her out.
To the OP, check your bank accounts and accounts with joint money to assure nothing has disappeared. If you have a joint residence you need to consult your lawyer on changing the locks if she has left. If you don't she may empty the place out while you are at work but if you do she can challenge that you are keeping her out.
Go for the alimony if you can. I made more money when we got married and she ended up making more than me when we got divorced. I was too nice of a guy thinking that i make my own money but realized it's hard living on 1 salary when you own a house .Also watch for her taking money from her paycheck and stashing it somewhere.
Busch and Busch, LLP
Attorneys at Law
215 North Center Drive
P.O. Box 7448
North Brunswick, NJ 08902
Telephone 732 821-2300
Fax 732 821-5588
Contact us:
lawyers@buschlaw.com
Lewis D. Busch (1927-1986)
Henry Busch (1936-2000)
Malcolm R. Busch
Ronald J. Busch
Bertram E. Busch
Mark N. Busch
Leonard R. Busch
Gregory A. Busch
Richard S. Cohen - Counsel
Ask for Lenny. They're mostly Rutgers grads and big RU sports fans. Lenny handled several friends divorce and custody issues with better than hoped for outcomes. He's fair and will "keep the peace" so life can go on. They're part of the "good ole boys" network in NB and No. B.
Attorneys at Law
215 North Center Drive
P.O. Box 7448
North Brunswick, NJ 08902
Telephone 732 821-2300
Fax 732 821-5588
Contact us:
lawyers@buschlaw.com
Lewis D. Busch (1927-1986)
Henry Busch (1936-2000)
Malcolm R. Busch
Ronald J. Busch
Bertram E. Busch
Mark N. Busch
Leonard R. Busch
Gregory A. Busch
Richard S. Cohen - Counsel
Ask for Lenny. They're mostly Rutgers grads and big RU sports fans. Lenny handled several friends divorce and custody issues with better than hoped for outcomes. He's fair and will "keep the peace" so life can go on. They're part of the "good ole boys" network in NB and No. B.
Most important thing to remember, your attorney doesn't give a rats ass about you and just trying to jack up his fees
Wow! 35 years and calling it quits! WTF? I hope I am not being too personal but What happens after 35 years that you all of sudden say, I want to move on?
OK, I was married for 13 years when my now ex wife unexpectedly decided she wanted to get divorced. I have written details of my divorce all over this forum so I am not going to rehash it but it has been horrific! I was divorced in 2007 and I am in the Superior Court of NJ two to three times a year. Even now, I just filed a motion, so I can see my children. over 200k total in attorneys fee's, it is a black hole with now end in sight. Horrific!
With that said, I am passionate with all things surrounding family law because it is a legal racket. There are so many conflicts of interests between the judges, lawyers, Federal government, guardians ad litems, mediators, courthouse staff, and even the sheriffs officers. It is a huge shakedown machine.
A new law in NJ was passed and sgined by the Governor. It mostly had to do with alimony but it wasn;t anything like what we were looking for. The very powerful NJ bar association - family law section, saw to it that the bill was gutted and we got a fraction of the reforms that we were looking for. In fact, the final bill that was passed into law is so convoluted that we do not even know if it is going to be followed at all.
Ok, about your situation, First understand you being a man is a huge disadvantage in the NJ family courts. I know there are those on this board who are attorneys who will tell you we are a "no fault" state and everything is equal, yada, yada, yada. Let me give you fair warning and I can speak for most men who have gone through the NJ family courts, there is a definite female bias, even among the male judges. You are right from the start at a disadvantage. So you have to come out with the strongest and most forceful arguments for why you are entitled to lifetime alimony. BTW this is where I made a huge mistake, I did the typical guy thing which is to be honorable to my ex wife and mother of my children, big mistake, HUGE!
I paid for it dearly, and am regretting that my attorney let me sign my initial decree.
If she makes more than you, you absolutely go for lifetime alimony. Do not think you are being upstanding by settling for X years. If roles were reversed, she would ask for lifetime and most likely get it! you being a man it is going to be an uphill battle.
back in the mid 1990's here in NJ. There was the case of a female Lucent executive who was getting divorced. Her soon to be ex husband had quit his job to raise the kids, while she was bringing home the bacon. He raised the kids until their two daughters were in college and the female executive was getting some extra curricular activity from one of her associates. Long story short, one of them field for divorce, the man asks for alimony and not only did he get only three years, but got an admonishment from the judge to "Get a job". So go for lifetime and settle for 10 years or more.
Do not screw around with this, always, always, always, offer mediation and compromise but stick to your guns if she is being unreasonable. The deck is stacked against you but if you find the right attorney(I highly recommend one in the county you are in{Middlesex}). Do your homework. I have a list of ethical and honest family law attorneys. unfortuanteley it is very short and there is no one yet on it from Middlesex county. Best of luck!
Well i think alimony would be the main issue , Your wife has to pay the alimony as determined by your divorce attorney. That's why she's making such instant changes in her decision. You just gently move on with your attorney and keep things in your favor.
My mother in law used him and their divorce settlement dragged on for 10 years before it was final. The only ones who made out in that travesty were the lawyers.
Divorce sucks for the men in NJ based on 100% of the guys I have spoken to. I was close a few years ago but was able to resolve it and things are great now. If there is any chance of resolving it, that would be my suggestion. Its certainly cheaper to stay married
It's also crucial to analize the value of your and hers retirement accounts that accrued during the term of your marriage. Generally speaking a spouse is entitled to at least half. Obviously account balance type plans are easy to determine but if annuities are involved then you may need an actuarial firm to determine what each party is entitled to in regards to an equitable distribution. Mention the establishment of a QDRO to your attorney for purposes of having the court sign off on the allocation of retirement accounts
I don't know how this thread got revived after 9 months, but all should be final in two weeks. I took Cabbageheads suggestion and hired Bob Goodwin, fellow Rutgers fan. He and my wife's attorney agreed to try mediation. Surprise, my wife showed up with a forensic accountant, who tried to claim my small retail business did five times the volume I claim! The mediater knew he was full of shit, but figured my wife was really looking for a piece of the inheritance I received from my parents. After two hours of back and forth, the mediater said I should either get my own forensic accountant, or make her an offer. I would rather have the money go to my own kids, than my lawyer's kids, so I agreed to give her 50,000 when we sell the house. She agreed, and now we are just waiting for a judge to sign off. Maybe I could have done better, but at my age,63, not worth the stress. All assets divided equally, I give her the $50,000 and done. Total legal fees under $5000. WE are still friends, and see each other weekly with the Grandkids. Happy ending ,everything considered. I should add, the inheritance remains mine. That she can't touch.
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Well it sounds like you did as well as you could expect. Those billable hours can add up fast. You have to decide what's worth fighting for and what isn't. You could have ended up with the same deal and had attorney fees double or triple what you ended up with which is what happened to me 20+ years ago.
Best of luck to you.
Best of luck to you.
would not recommend, be careful, you are better off finding someone that is in or near your county, they tend to know the judges better, what they like or don't like
Forensic accountant? Wow! What kind of a personality do you have to have to be a forensic accountant?
Scarlet, sorry to hear all this, but let me recommend you now take stock. You're 63 (two years younger than me!) and you have a lot of life to live. For your sake and your kids, keep on the best terms possible with your ex. And then go live your life. Take a singles cruise. Do a tour of Europe. Visit New Zealand! If you're a grandparent, take your grandkids to Disney. Learn to paint (it's not as hard as you'd think).
This isn't a dress rehearsal for life; it's the real thing. Ask yourself, "What makes me happy?" And be open to the possibility that there is an incredibly great woman out there looking for someone just like you.
God speed, Scarlet! Don't look back.
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