OT: Wedding problem

[rutgersal]

If their happiness is lessened by not ostracizing a member of the family, that is their problem. Its all nonsense. If one family is wearing a certain color, all family members should be included. The daughter is trying to exclude one family member, basically saying, you are not a part of my family, so you should not dress like the rest of us. Its inappropriate.

I agree with being hands off with unimportant details. But the daughter invited her step-sister to the wedding, and is now saying you cannot "be a part of our family." Its just wrong. I would tell my daughter to be respectful of my new wife and her kids.

Its not a matter of wedding particulars. Its a matter of respect.

Totally agree with this. the daughter is entitled to her day, she's not entitled to make people feel ostracized or ridiculous.

Grow some balls OP and tell your daughter, that all your wifes daughters are wearing the same colors, and thats the end of that.

 

[rutgersdave]

Simple, let the daughter (left out of the color scheme) know the color your family will be wearing.

After all, she was told to wear "whatever". So if she shows up in the same color, well, then, OOPS!

Tough spot, hope it helps.

Tell the wife to call the daughter about the color.

 

[PhDKnight]

Totally agree with this. the daughter is entitled to her day, she's not entitled to make people feel ostracized or ridiculous.

Grow some balls OP and tell your daughter, that all your wifes daughters are wearing the same colors, and thats the end of that.

Disagree. The step sister is not family nor is she a person of any signifigance in her life nor has she apparently made any effort to be part of the brides life based on the OPs post. She is more like someone her step mother knows. Does the bride have to invite and coddle everyone her step mother knows?

Family does not mean anything unless there is effort behind it. And it is obvious that there has been no effort so they are not family.

 

[RBS05]

T

I have to agree. With the first part at least. If the groom wants to have a say in the planning of the wedding and color coding family dress is his choice, I have a feeling he is going to be high maintenance from here on out. Only thing I put my foot down on in my wedding was making sure the band had a horn section.

It's not his choice. It seems like being a "fashion fanatic" is what led to this family-by-color thing (weird to me, but whatever) but our OP is telling us that this issue was his daughter's call.

 

[mildone]

Am I the only one wondering why someone would come to this particular message-board in order to help resolve an argument?

 

[RU205]

Am I the only one wondering why someone would come to this particular message-board in order to help resolve an argument?

Why wouldn't you come to this board to resolve problems? Great group of people here.

 

[rutgersal]

Disagree. The step sister is not family nor is she a person of any signifigance in her life nor has she apparently made any effort to be part of the brides life based on the OPs post. She is more like someone her step mother knows. Does the bride have to invite and coddle everyone her step mother knows?

Family does not mean anything unless there is effort behind it. And it is obvious that there has been no effort so they are not family.

You can't say one step sister is family and the other step sister isn't family, so will be color coded accordingly. its a ridiculous notion. weddings are supposed to bring people together, not tear them apart.

 

[RUSONIC]

Am I the only one wondering why someone would come to this particular message-board in order to help resolve an argument?

Now that is funny, well played.

 

[RU4Real]

My daughter is getting married, her husband to be is a fashion fanatic - different families involved will wear different colors

As others have perhaps alluded to, this is your real problem, right here. You need to find a way to make this assclown have an accident.

Listen, we don't work cheap, but... we work good. So...

 

[PhDKnight]

You can't say one step sister is family and the other step sister isn't family, so will be color coded accordingly. its a ridiculous notion. weddings are supposed to bring people together, not tear them apart.

You definately can say one step sister is family and one is not. If there is no relationship other than a connection through a step parent and no shared experiences then that person is not family. People (ie. The step sister) also need to have enough self respect and self awareness to graciously say no thank you in these types of situations.

 

[RU31trap]

And here I thought nailing down the 5pm cocktail hour was a problem. You have a f&&@ing mess on your hands.

 

[RBS05]

You definately can say one step sister is family and one is not. If there is no relationship other than a connection through a step parent and no shared experiences then that person is not family. People (ie. The step sister) also need to have enough self respect and self awareness to graciously say no thank you in these types of situations.

From the OP: "my daughter says, well, I like her..."

You're making this a more extreme situation than it actually is. They haven't spent a ton of time together. That means she needs to be visually separated from the rest of the family? If the OP was upset that this one daughter wasn't a bridesmaid but the other one was, and he wanted the daughter to consider adding her, I would agree with you that it's overkill because not everyone needs to be treated equally.

But the bride's issue here is so stupid and trivial and if she can't see that, that's her problem and her father has the right to be upset with her. Yes the bride is the most important but sometimes they need to be snapped back to reality.

 

[PhDKnight]

From the OP: "my daughter says, well, I like her..."

You're making this a more extreme situation than it actually is. They haven't spent a ton of time together. That means she needs to be visually separated from the rest of the family? If the OP was upset that this one daughter wasn't a bridesmaid but the other one was, and he wanted the daughter to consider adding her, I would agree with you that it's overkill because not everyone needs to be treated equally.

But the bride's issue here is so stupid and trivial and if she can't see that, that's her problem and her father has the right to be upset with her. Yes the bride is the most important but sometimes they need to be snapped back to reality.

Didnt catch that quote from the OP. It looks like the comments i read gave me blinders!

If the bride likes the step sister then what the hell is the problem with the step sister wearing the colors?!

I thought this was a situation where the 2 had no relationship and the step sister was being forced on the bride, my bad.

 

[RBS05]

Didnt catch that quote from the OP. It looks like the comments i read gave me blinders!

No problem.

If the bride likes the step sister then what the hell is the problem with the step sister wearing the colors?!

Allow me to answer that for you with a quote from the OP:

the bride

 

[jim1666]

good lord.

 

[scarletcrew]

I would suggest that you and your wife wear the color that the bride wants you to wear and that your step daughters wear another color.

 

[LocalDC]

ever since someone came asking about antique sewing machines I thought anything was fair game
I figured, why not? and you know this is helpful
especially hearing from people who don't know the parties
can't really go to friends who know us--too entangled

 

[RU4Real]

ever since someone came asking about antique sewing machines I thought anything was fair game
I figured, why not? and you know this is helpful
especially hearing from people who don't know the parties
can't really go to friends who know us--too entangled

Consider my suggestion.

It won't be cheap... But permanent change for the better rarely is.

 

[koleszar]

My daughter is getting married, her husband to be is a fashion fanatic

I guess there wont' be many Father/Son in law Rutgers football games with this one.:( I see a nice outing to fashion week in NYC
with your new son in law, in the future.

 

[zgoru]

Have both stepsisters wear the color, hang your hat on the "wear whatever" suggestion by the bride in the first place. She doesn't say wear whatever but not the family color, did she? Or is that being implied? IDK, just a thought.

 

[Phi_1055]

Have the ceremony at Hedonism. No wardrobe issues.

 

[RU85inFla]

It's your daughter's day, she can do what she wants. However, if she and her future husband doesn't realize the position she puts you and your current wife in than she is awfully selfish.

My mom passed and my dad remarried. I certainly do not consider my step mom's kids my siblings (i'm 52) but I do respect that they are part of my dad's family now. Man up and tell her that she needs to respect you current family or you can't play in the same color game.

 

[knightfan7]

this is a dumpster fire waiting to happen.... the trash is there...the gasoline is poured...all it needs is a spark.

So very true and so very sad.

 

[bitnez]

I've never heard of this family color stuff. Seems like a manufactured issue that could have been avoided. Good luck

 

[mildone]

As others have perhaps alluded to, this is your real problem, right here. You need to find a way to make this assclown have an accident.

Listen, we don't work cheap, but... we work good. So...

Why spend the money? Selling off the entire lot seems like a more profitable way to solve the problem.

 

[koleszar]

I've never heard of this family color stuff. Seems like a manufactured issue that could have been avoided. Good luck

I quote, " her husband to be is a fashion fanatic" Not sure what a fashion fanatic is exactly for a man, but he seems to be the root of the problem.

 

[mildone]

I quote, " her husband to be is a fashion fanatic" Not sure what a fashion fanatic is exactly for a man, but he seems to be the root of the problem.

I'm a fashion fanatic too. I fanatical about liking women in yoga pants.

 

[RU85inFla]

I quote, " her husband to be is a fashion fanatic" .

Shouldn't this gay marriage stuff be on the CE board or am I misreading something here.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Okay haven't read through all of the answers being that I'm home sick today and have a headache.

That being said, I would try to talk your daughter out of separating the family like that, because it is in a sense ostracizing your other daughter.

Now, if she can't see reason on that, well, are the guests under any obligation to wear a specific color to the wedding? I would think not, so if she remains intractable on this, your wife and her two daughters can choose to wear any color they choose. So they can come in the family color, a different color, or as the rainbow brigade. Or they can choose to not attend at all.

 

[koleszar]

Shouldn't this gay marriage stuff be on the CE board or am I misreading something here.

Who knows, I got stuck on that quote, "husband to be is a fashion fanatic" didn't even bother to read the rest. I sure hope he's like mildone and likes women in yoga pants. Well maybe not just like mildone and that depraved mind of his.

 

[motorb54]

I cannot believe that the subject of family pictures has not been raised!

 

[RutgersRaRa]

Thread needs pics.

 

[C0bra Kai]

If their happiness is lessened by not ostracizing a member of the family, that is their problem. Its all nonsense. If one family is wearing a certain color, all family members should be included. The daughter is trying to exclude one family member, basically saying, you are not a part of my family, so you should not dress like the rest of us. Its inappropriate.

I agree with being hands off with unimportant details. But the daughter invited her step-sister to the wedding, and is now saying you cannot "be a part of our family." Its just wrong. I would tell my daughter to be respectful of my new wife and her kids.

Its not a matter of wedding particulars. Its a matter of respect.

I whole-heartedly agree with this response. It's nasty and disrespectful to purposefully make this person at your wedding feel excluded from your "family". It's like saying, "you're here, but you're not one of us". It's hurtful.

Sounds like a sad situation... where EVERYBODY loses.

 

[RU848789]

Classic thread. Maybe the OP should post this on the Facebook event page for the wedding, just to see what people think. Now that would be fun to watch.

In some odd way this situation reminds me of the Hunger Games or maybe Romeo and Juliet. Who the hell ever heard of family colors in the last 100 years or so?

One more reason I'm glad we paid for our own wedding and didn't have to involve another soul in its planning.

 

[RST95]

ok, to make this brief..dealing with a blended family --hers, mine (no ours)
My daughter is getting married, her husband to be is a fashion fanatic
different families involved will wear different colors
my wife has four girls--two are not coming, one lives with us and one with her father
the one living with us is invited to wear the color of our family
the one not living with us is told just wear whatever, not invited to the "color" aspect
my wife is upset that this will make her feel like an outsider
my daughter says, well, I like her but she doesn't spend a lot of time with us/me
there is so much more drama behind the scenes, but if anyone has an opinion
I am being asked to ask my daughter to include her step sister in the color scheme
ugh..even typing this is ridiculous to me, but not to the others concerned.
so , dear Abby, do I make an issue of it to prevent some hurt feelings, stress others, etc
thought I would ask people who don't know anyone involved
thanks for taking the time to answer, if you can--by the way, all involved are over 21

Wear what the bride tells you to wear. Make sure the jacket has big pockets. Bring a big flask. Forget the rest!

 

[knightfan7]

I've been trying to remember if I've ever seen something like this but it's not something I'd have noticed without someone telling me about it.

I have worked weddings where the men in the wedding party wear kilts, even had one where gamers wore capes. Never seen something involving women. It's usually hard enough to find dresses that everyone looks good in.

I did work a wedding recently where both the bride and groom were big time rowers. There were guests from the US, Canada, GB, and Sweden. Many of them wore jackets representing their college or rowing clubs. Pretty colorful

 

[RUTBAY]

On the risk of sounding sexist, any problem involving more than 2 women is unsolvable. Your only choice is to pick the best of all available bad outcomes.

 

[ru78]

Tell them that you are not going to the wedding and have pair of tickets to a game, that you must be present. Or tell them you are being honored at RU for your charitable contributions.

 

[Scarlet_Scourge]

fake your death..

problem solved.

 

[PhDKnight]

On the risk of sounding sexist, any problem involving more than 2 women is unsolvable. Your only choice is to pick the best of all available bad outcomes.

Hilarious and i bet my very progressive wife would agree with you.