Annual column if 25 rules unfortunately behind a paywall. Can't type them all but a few highlights.
3. Also, your cousin brought a new pal. His name is Connor, he went to Navy, fixes vacuums and knows a startling amount about Purdue's offensive signals.
4. For the record: Stealing signs is easy in Family Touch Football. Nobody's hiding them. When Dad put his hands on his hips and starts wheezing it's a sign he's about to call off the game off and take a nap on the couch.
5. Don't be surprised if an irritated Ohio St, coach Ryan Day busts into your game looking for Lou Holtz.
6. During a break in play, your uncle wants to show you his new watch: it measures heart rate, sleep quality, body temperature and how many people can listen to him yap endlessly about his new watch.
8. Pro football has cracked down on roughing the passer, but this doesn't apply to your brother, who's still mad you dented his car in 11th grade.
10. I don't want to even speculate if there will be a Kelce - Swift Thanksgiving, much less a Kelce - Swift Family Touch Football Game. I just want shameless clicks for putting their names in my story.
12 . This year's halftime show is your Dad talking about his electric car for the 34,000th time.
18. Avoid doing a good job with Thanksgiving dishes. Do a good job, and it's a lifetime appointment, like the Supreme Court.
22. Most Thanksgiving Family Touch Football injuries can be cured by a bag of frozen corn and a bourbon neat.
23. If you can't fall asleep after the game, just ask someone to explain the 2023 Formula One season.
3. Also, your cousin brought a new pal. His name is Connor, he went to Navy, fixes vacuums and knows a startling amount about Purdue's offensive signals.
4. For the record: Stealing signs is easy in Family Touch Football. Nobody's hiding them. When Dad put his hands on his hips and starts wheezing it's a sign he's about to call off the game off and take a nap on the couch.
5. Don't be surprised if an irritated Ohio St, coach Ryan Day busts into your game looking for Lou Holtz.
6. During a break in play, your uncle wants to show you his new watch: it measures heart rate, sleep quality, body temperature and how many people can listen to him yap endlessly about his new watch.
8. Pro football has cracked down on roughing the passer, but this doesn't apply to your brother, who's still mad you dented his car in 11th grade.
10. I don't want to even speculate if there will be a Kelce - Swift Thanksgiving, much less a Kelce - Swift Family Touch Football Game. I just want shameless clicks for putting their names in my story.
12 . This year's halftime show is your Dad talking about his electric car for the 34,000th time.
18. Avoid doing a good job with Thanksgiving dishes. Do a good job, and it's a lifetime appointment, like the Supreme Court.
22. Most Thanksgiving Family Touch Football injuries can be cured by a bag of frozen corn and a bourbon neat.
23. If you can't fall asleep after the game, just ask someone to explain the 2023 Formula One season.
