I had been thinking of the multitude of off topic threads and board inside jokes and realized that there was enough material to fill in a day's worth of activities. Some of these are several years old and others are long standing jokes. Here is a stab at it.... I know there are some that I missed, so if you can fill in a gap with one, be sure to give a reply. It's kind of long, but enjoy!
-----
I start my day and immediately check the boards to see what was last posted since last night at 11 pm. The other benefit of checking the board is the personalized weather forecast from our amateur meteorologists. Finding myself newly single because I wouldn't throw away my cargo shorts, I put them on and make a trip to the Hillsborough Deli to see all of my favorite MILFs. I ask for a Taylor Ham sandwich, but am told by the person behind the counter that they specifically serve pork roll and if I wanted such a delectable item, I must order it by name. I proceed to get into a several minute argument with the clerk and other clientele about where the dividing line between North and South Jersey (and of course those blurry lines where Central Jersey starts and ends). Passing by a Starbucks on the way home, I don't think about stopping in because I now realize that they over roast their beans... instead I plan to grind my own beans using a $200 Burr grinder recommended by the board.
Coming back home, my Millennial roommate, Sheridan, (who was just fired for chronically showing up late to the office) is streaming a Showtime movie. I ask him how he's watching it since he doesn't pay for any premium channels and he goes into a rant on how streaming is not the same as downloading. I think he is about to go into a political commentary about how he wants to stick it to the rich studios, but I know better than to argue and leave him to his own devices. I get dressed for work and am thankful for my non-iron dress shirt that saves me that time over the iron.
Unfortunately I didn't take the recommendations of the board in buying a Honda Accord a few months back. As a result, my car ended up in the shop and I don't have any wheels. While eating my now cold breakfast sandwich, I hail an Uber to pick me up and take me to work. It said my driver, Greg, was 5 minutes away. Just enough time to check the board again in case BK's long awaited news was announced. When the car arrives, I get in and give him a friendly hello, but for some unknown reason I start calling him "Gary" instead of "Greg". He didn't correct me and I didn't realize it until he cops an attitude halfway through the ride telling me that I need to shut my mouth, especially if I can't get his name right. He drops me off and I am confident that there is no need to tip him based on the sage advice of the board.
I realize that I had a post-coffee deuce coming. So I head right to the men's room and I hear phone clicking noises from the adjoining stalls... it sounds like one guy was trying to type out a novel. Needless to say, I take care of my business quickly and head to my desk. Aside from checking the boards every 30 minutes and ordering a Rutgers polo that I got a great deal on (thank you HeavenUniversity), my morning was pretty nondescript. When lunch rolls around, I was definitely in a processed meat type of mood today so I decided to walk to the nearby Subway. As luck would have it, I was in line behind the parents of a Rutgers 2018 recruit and I took the opportunity to get some intel for the boards.
I return to work, but start thinking that I can go out, mimic NYCBanker, and have an epic night. So I make plans with a couple of buddies to go bar hopping and told them that we'll meet women and they can "take that to the bank". In the meantime I try to resurrect the old "hot girl" thread, but it is hopelessly lost to cyberspace. Glancing up at my cube wall, I'm reminded that I need to get to work thanks to a page I have pinned up with an image and a single word: FOCUS. So I get back to a couple of conference calls and write out my notes using my perfect cursive handwriting (of course). I look at the boards again and see a few new posts with summer practice reports, but since the link goes to NJ.com, I pass knowing that clicking on it helps the Star Ledger.
I wrap up my work day and figured it would be a good idea to get a couple of hot dogs in my stomach to help absorb the bourbon and whiskey I'm about to drink. After getting them, I make sure I reach for mustard, since there is no way I would put ketchup on a hot dog. What happens at and after the club will become part of some epic OT thread one day when I feel the need to brag. I return home, get into bed, close my eyes knowing I had a GREAT day and prepare for dreams where Rutgers goes to the FINAL FOUR and COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF in the same school year. I can't wait to do it all over again tomorrow.
-----
I start my day and immediately check the boards to see what was last posted since last night at 11 pm. The other benefit of checking the board is the personalized weather forecast from our amateur meteorologists. Finding myself newly single because I wouldn't throw away my cargo shorts, I put them on and make a trip to the Hillsborough Deli to see all of my favorite MILFs. I ask for a Taylor Ham sandwich, but am told by the person behind the counter that they specifically serve pork roll and if I wanted such a delectable item, I must order it by name. I proceed to get into a several minute argument with the clerk and other clientele about where the dividing line between North and South Jersey (and of course those blurry lines where Central Jersey starts and ends). Passing by a Starbucks on the way home, I don't think about stopping in because I now realize that they over roast their beans... instead I plan to grind my own beans using a $200 Burr grinder recommended by the board.
Coming back home, my Millennial roommate, Sheridan, (who was just fired for chronically showing up late to the office) is streaming a Showtime movie. I ask him how he's watching it since he doesn't pay for any premium channels and he goes into a rant on how streaming is not the same as downloading. I think he is about to go into a political commentary about how he wants to stick it to the rich studios, but I know better than to argue and leave him to his own devices. I get dressed for work and am thankful for my non-iron dress shirt that saves me that time over the iron.
Unfortunately I didn't take the recommendations of the board in buying a Honda Accord a few months back. As a result, my car ended up in the shop and I don't have any wheels. While eating my now cold breakfast sandwich, I hail an Uber to pick me up and take me to work. It said my driver, Greg, was 5 minutes away. Just enough time to check the board again in case BK's long awaited news was announced. When the car arrives, I get in and give him a friendly hello, but for some unknown reason I start calling him "Gary" instead of "Greg". He didn't correct me and I didn't realize it until he cops an attitude halfway through the ride telling me that I need to shut my mouth, especially if I can't get his name right. He drops me off and I am confident that there is no need to tip him based on the sage advice of the board.
I realize that I had a post-coffee deuce coming. So I head right to the men's room and I hear phone clicking noises from the adjoining stalls... it sounds like one guy was trying to type out a novel. Needless to say, I take care of my business quickly and head to my desk. Aside from checking the boards every 30 minutes and ordering a Rutgers polo that I got a great deal on (thank you HeavenUniversity), my morning was pretty nondescript. When lunch rolls around, I was definitely in a processed meat type of mood today so I decided to walk to the nearby Subway. As luck would have it, I was in line behind the parents of a Rutgers 2018 recruit and I took the opportunity to get some intel for the boards.
I return to work, but start thinking that I can go out, mimic NYCBanker, and have an epic night. So I make plans with a couple of buddies to go bar hopping and told them that we'll meet women and they can "take that to the bank". In the meantime I try to resurrect the old "hot girl" thread, but it is hopelessly lost to cyberspace. Glancing up at my cube wall, I'm reminded that I need to get to work thanks to a page I have pinned up with an image and a single word: FOCUS. So I get back to a couple of conference calls and write out my notes using my perfect cursive handwriting (of course). I look at the boards again and see a few new posts with summer practice reports, but since the link goes to NJ.com, I pass knowing that clicking on it helps the Star Ledger.
I wrap up my work day and figured it would be a good idea to get a couple of hot dogs in my stomach to help absorb the bourbon and whiskey I'm about to drink. After getting them, I make sure I reach for mustard, since there is no way I would put ketchup on a hot dog. What happens at and after the club will become part of some epic OT thread one day when I feel the need to brag. I return home, get into bed, close my eyes knowing I had a GREAT day and prepare for dreams where Rutgers goes to the FINAL FOUR and COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF in the same school year. I can't wait to do it all over again tomorrow.
