OT: Age appropriate spanking?

[zappaa]

I was watching Andy Griffith recently on TV Land, and happen to see an episode where Andy thought it was necessary to "tan Opie's hide"...he had broken a street light and swiped some apples...lol.
Many of us grew up in an era where we received a little whipping from our dads, for me it was never over grades or losing stuff or making honest mistakes, 99% of the time it was for disrespecting my mom...dad would not tolerate that and my two brothers and I were well aware of it...so yes, we got an age appropriate back of the thighs and butt wack once in a while.
Without getting into the phycology of it, and since presumably none of us do it anymore to our own kids, who still thinks it would be beneficial?
If it was still the norm and you weren't singled out as an abuser, or your kids were aware all their friends had their 'hide tanned" once in a great while...if applied conscientiously by a parent who gave their children a little whipping to the backside only when deemed appropriate by them, would it be ok with you?

Obviously, it ain't gonna happen, so my question is totally out of curiosity what you think.

 

[Piscataway]

I was watching Andy Griffith recently on TV Land, and happen to see an episode where Andy thought it was necessary to "tan Opie's hide"...he had broken a street light and swiped some apples...lol.
Many of us grew up in an era where we received a little whipping from our dads, for me it was never over grades or losing stuff or making honest mistakes, 99% of the time it was for disrespecting my mom...dad would not tolerate that and my two brothers and I were well aware of it...so yes, we got an age appropriate back of the thighs and butt wack once in a while.
Without getting into the phycology of it, and since presumably none of us do it anymore to our own kids, who still thinks it would be beneficial?
If it was still the norm and you weren't singled out as an abuser, or your kids were aware all their friends had their 'hide tanned" once in a great while...if applied conscientiously by a parent who gave their children a little whipping to the backside only when deemed appropriate by them, would it be ok with you?

Obviously, it ain't gonna happen, so my question is totally out of curiosity what you think.

yes

 

[miketd1]

Honestly, if you won't discipline your child, someone else eventually will.

That said, the punishment has to match the crime and the stories that tend to go viral are of the ones where some idiot parent beat a kid up over something small (ie: crying a lot, losing/breaking something, etc.).

 

[zappaa]

Mike
Abuse took place in our era...I'm speaking strictly conscientious application, if there is such a thing..

 

[batts]

I grew up in the spanking era. My Father never spanked us. My Mother would give us a slap across the face on very rare occasions. She may have slapped me a total of or 4 or 5 times.

I swatted my son in his rear end twice in anger when I "snapped". I greatly regretted each swat.

Physical punishment as a form of discipline is wrong and demeaning to both the parent and the child. I would never condone it.

 

[RUChoppin]

Haven't felt the need to with my twins. Hard enough to get the "don't hit people" message through to a toddler without then turning around and hitting them.

Even in the future, though, I don't see myself resorting to "do what I say or I'll hurt you" as a parenting tool.

 

[GoodOl'Rutgers]

Physical punishment as a form of discipline is wrong and demeaning to both the parent and the child. I would never condone it.

I disagree. Sometimes that is the only thing that might work. It should never be the "go-to" punishment of first resort.

I do agree that it is impossible to do that today and no one should.. no American. Too much judgement of the sanctimonious mob to survive.

Dilemma.

 

[rutgersdave]

The memories that are the strongest are when I was hit when I was a kid or yelled at. I'm pretty sure I was abused but my mother was working and also raising 5 kids. I kiddingly said that there was no such thing as an accident in our household. I understand it now and she is totally different with her grand kids and great grand kids.

Oh, I use to get hit for not eating what was cooked since I was a picky eater. I use to get ulcers from being punished.

 

[KnightSlayer]

She has to be at least 18 and with her full consent.

 

[RUsojo]

She has to be at least 18 and with her full consent.

Beat me to it.

 

[zappaa]

Haven't felt the need to with my twins. Hard enough to get the "don't hit people" message through to a toddler without then turning around and hitting them.

Even in the future, though, I don't see myself resorting to "do what I say or I'll hurt you" as a parenting tool.

What I'm saying doesn't remotely equate to do what I say or I'll hurt you, and you know that.
What is the 18 year old consent thing?

 

[batts]

What I'm saying doesn't remotely equate to do what I say or I'll hurt you, and you know that.
What is the 18 year old consent thing?

They are joking about "sexual spanking" with a girlfriend. Although humorous, it has nothing to do with the topic we are discussing.

 

[HeyHuey]

What's the safe word?

 

[zappaa]

Got it Batts...lol
I respect your answer, although don't fully agree entirely...especially when gross disrespect or rudeness is directed at someone who loves and takes care of them.

 

[RUinPinehurst]

Spare the rod, spoil the child. But Zap, please don't hurt that Chocolate Lab of yours. I beg you.

 

[Knightmoves]

Life will teach your children the lessons they didn't learn at home. Better they learn at home rather than when they are out on their own. Better for us as parents as well.

 

[RUScrew85]

I was watching Andy Griffith recently on TV Land, and happen to see an episode where Andy thought it was necessary to "tan Opie's hide"...he had broken a street light and swiped some apples...lol.
Many of us grew up in an era where we received a little whipping from our dads, for me it was never over grades or losing stuff or making honest mistakes, 99% of the time it was for disrespecting my mom...dad would not tolerate that and my two brothers and I were well aware of it...so yes, we got an age appropriate back of the thighs and butt wack once in a while.
Without getting into the phycology of it, and since presumably none of us do it anymore to our own kids, who still thinks it would be beneficial?
If it was still the norm and you weren't singled out as an abuser, or your kids were aware all their friends had their 'hide tanned" once in a great while...if applied conscientiously by a parent who gave their children a little whipping to the backside only when deemed appropriate by them, would it be ok with you?

Obviously, it ain't gonna happen, so my question is totally out of curiosity what you think.

Yes.

 

[B0ski]

Yes and if more kids got spanked now and again there would be a lot more respect in this world.

 

[JPhoboken]

One or two spanks on the butt with your hand will never hurt any kid. Beating or whipping with a belt isn't appropriate. I agree with most, the days of severe physical punishment are over.

 

[RUChoppin]

What I'm saying doesn't remotely equate to do what I say or I'll hurt you, and you know that.

Actually, it does.

When a person spanks/hits a child, they are very clearly and non-verbally telling them - "you did something I didn't want you to do, and now I'm hitting you because of that"... and once you set that precedent, the lesson that's been taught is "do what I want you to do, or I'm going to hit you again."

It's obedience through fear of a physical strike. Like I said, not a parenting tool I keep in my kit. I'm raising children, not cattle.

 

[psugisher]

Since I work within child protective services, it's an interesting topic. I've come to believe that if a young child is doing something that could cause him/her serious injury, a quick, hard swat to the rear end will get their attention and let them know how serious it is. There may be other appropriate times, but if a kid keeps getting in trouble, do you keep hitting them harder to get your point across? I was a lot more fearful of my mother's words than any spanking she ever did.

 

[zappaa]

We would get the ruler to the butt, when we got older we might get a backhand from dad with his world series ring, it would leave an NY in your cheek.
Don't ever sass mom!

 

[zappaa]

Since I work within child protective services, it's an interesting topic. I've come to believe that if a young child is doing something that could cause him/her serious injury, a quick, hard swat to the rear end will get their attention and let them know how serious it is. There may be other appropriate times, but if a kid keeps getting in trouble, do you keep hitting them harder to get your point across? I was a lot more fearful of my mother's words than any spanking she ever did.

Good point, privilege removal is big, and effective.

 

[miketd1]

Every kid is different.

Genes and parenting style certainly factor in, but you can have two kids with completely different dispositions under the same roof.

I know because I was the screw up kid who kept getting into trouble and failed out of the College of Engineering and my older sister was pretty much a "dream" child who was quiet, read all the time, was super polite, and got into the honors program & maintained her full ride to Rutgers.

They took a "different" parenting approach with me than they did with her.

Thank God they did or I probably would never have straightened out.

 

[kjb32812]

I was spanked and can remember the exact things I did when I received the worst of them. One time was for stealing. I'll tell you this, when I was in college a few of my friends used to go to the local 7/11 and steal hot dogs. I never did it. I'd like to think it was because my father beat my ass when I was 7 and then took me face to face with the owner to apologize and offer to work for him around his house as a repayment.

I have swatted my son a few times but have never given him a full spanking. I have settled the bigger issues with talking through them because he is only four but I have then told him if he ever did it again I would spank him. Ironically, one of them was stealing. He didn't even know he had done anything wrong...just walked out of a place with something in his hand. Regardless, he knows better now.

 

[RU5781]

I grew up in the spanking era. My Father never spanked us. My Mother would give us a slap across the face on very rare occasions. She may have slapped me a total of or 4 or 5 times.

I swatted my son in his rear end twice in anger when I "snapped". I greatly regretted each swat.

Physical punishment as a form of discipline is wrong and demeaning to both the parent and the child. I would never condone it.

This. My story is 100% the same.

 

[Ru2bnj]

I caught a few closed fists from my Dad when I was a middle teenager. Most of the time it wasn't necessary and it really didn't accomplish anything. When my two sons were younger I did spank them a few times but once they got into their teens I have not touched them. I don't believe it works and it really doesn't teach anything...except maybe fear which is dumb if you are actually trying to teach respect (they are completely different things). I will get into my kids faces when necessary but won't hit them.

 

[MADHAT1]

nothing wrong with spanking your child or grandchild if you don't act like a maniac ( yelling /screaming) and and make sure it just stings the butt a bit, but doesn't really hurt the kid.
Spanking ( child/grandchild) and not really hurting the kid ,while talking sternly about what happened is an effective way to teach a kid what he/she did was wrong.

Just spanking to hurt and get the child's attention that way, is a little overboard to my way of how spanking should be used as a disciplinary tool and not just punishment..

edit: seeing the talk about belts being used , I was only talking about using your hand and nothing else.

 

[Bagarocks]

Learning at a young age that there are consequences for your actions ie. Lying, stealing and disobedience.
The truth about anything never resulted in a spanking, however there still were consequences of losing priveledges.

 

[RUich]

We have all witnessed kids just saying NO to their parents when they are told to do something. I cannot imagine me doing that when I was growing up. I probably got a few whacks in the ass growing up and I am sure that it was due to not doing what I was supposed to do. The total lack of respect by so many kids today has to be due to something not being done correctly by the parents. Like already stated, the day of somebody not tolerating it is certainly in their future, why not learn it early when it is by someone who loves you and really does not plan on truly hurting anything more than your behavior.

 

[Kbee3]

Spanking ? Really ?
Some of you guys are real Neanderthals.....time to step into the 21st century.
I'll bet there's a few of you that still have that cat-o-nine tails that your grandfather handed down to you.
It's damn sad that you can't figure out a better way to teach your children.

 

[okieKnight]

Spankings would have been nice; I got the belt. While I think there should be consequences for inappropriate actions, I don't think think physical assault necessarily teaches lessons the correct way. All it does is instill fear and has the potential to create resentment in both the child and the parent. My mom always says that she should have never read that James Dobson book. Furthermore, it perpetuates the notion in child being hit that it's okay to hit children and others. I feel like life lessons can be taught and reinforced in more productive ways. That's just me.

 

[zappaa]

Lol Kbee,
I love ya, but your demeanor and posting style mirrors exactly the disrespect and sense entitlement kids exhibit today.

 

[zappaa]

Spankings would have been nice; I got the belt. While I think there should be consequences for inappropriate actions, I don't think think physical assault necessarily teaches lessons the correct way. All it does is instill fear and has the potential to create resentment in both the child and the parent. My mom always says that she should have never read that James Dobson book. Furthermore, it perpetuates the notion in child being hit that it's okay to hit children and others. I feel like life lessons can be taught and reinforced in more productive ways. That's just me.

Do you resent the parent who hit you? Has that parent not done enough for you in your life that their love easily wins out and overcomes all?

 

[jmc11201]

One or two spanks on the butt with your hand will never hurt any kid. Beating or whipping with a belt isn't appropriate. I agree with most, the days of severe physical punishment are over.

This was my experience...growing up in the '80s. I maybe got spanked two or three times and while I don't recall any real physical pain as I'm sure my dad didn't spank me very hard, it was the feeling of disappointing him that stayed with me.

I think it is fine to let a kid know that they have acted inappropriately and that spanking gets that message across. I would never advocate beating your child, but rolling up a newspaper and putting a kid over your knee, or spanking them with your hand is fine...although I wouldn't recommend doing so as a reactionary means, but doing so when the adult is fully in control of their emotions.

 

[HeyHuey]

Do you resent the parent who hit you? Has that parent not done enough for you in your life that their love easily wins out and overcomes all?

Imagine being Adrian Peterson's 4 year old kid in the "Whuppin Room"? I hope the kid gets to leave the field if he shows signs of concussion. It boggles the mind.

 

[mildone]

I think there are far more effective ways to discipline a kid than spanking them.

My dad had/has anger management issues. I was never disrespectful of my parents. But from a very young age, I got belted, beat with a wooden spoon, spanked, ranted at, cursed at, and grounded for life (at least three times).

It's impossible to overstate just how unsurprised my good friends from the CE board will be to hear that I deserved some of that discipline. I was what I think used to be called a willful child.

However, most of it was for forgetting to do something like put the seat down on the toilet or lock doors when I was around five years old. Sometimes for what seemed like no reason at all. A lot of irrational anger. So not really what Zappa is talking about.

In any event, it didn't work on me. By middle school, the more my dad lit into me, mostly verbally at that point, the more I intentionally provoked him. On the other hand, I never forget to put down the toilet seat or lock doors behind me. [winking]

Each of my three kids got smacked once, and only one time, on the rear. In each case, it was a calculated situation, done without anger, where the child was so loudly and completely out of control that nothing else would get through. And in each case, I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at the disbelieving shock each of my kids displayed. It was very effective in the moment. Like flipping an off switch.

But I found that words and consistency are far, far more effective with kids than any amount of physical, fear or intimidation-based discipline. Fear can work for sure. But it has too many negative consequences. And if it's more than the very occasional thump on the backside, I think it's more about the parent's anger and lack of control than discipline.

Having said all that, I think I'm starting to understand my intense desire to date Hope Solo.

 

[patk89]

I grew up in the spanking era. My Father never spanked us. My Mother would give us a slap across the face on very rare occasions. She may have slapped me a total of or 4 or 5 times.

I swatted my son in his rear end twice in anger when I "snapped". I greatly regretted each swat.

Physical punishment as a form of discipline is wrong and demeaning to both the parent and the child. I would never condone it.

That was exactly how it was in my house growing up. My dad had been a varsity wrestler at RU and then served in the military. He never felt the need to strike us and we definitely respected his physical strength. I remember the exact things I did the 2 times my mother gave it to me and I really believe that I was due what I got and am better for it.

With my daughter, she knows when she has made me mad or disrespected her mother in my presence. I can't see a situation where I would spank her but time will tell.

Back in the day, one of my best friends moved to Dallas. I visited the family for a week when I was 11. The boys broke a lamp in the living room and when the dad got home late that night, each got called down and beaten with a belt. I thought that I was next. The next day, they had dark bruises on their rear ends. Excessive.

 

[RU4Real]

My grandmother hung me on a hook, once.



Once.

 

[RUTBAY]

My grandmother hung me on a hook, once.



Once.

LOL. Ok Johnny.

One time while disciplining my twins they accused me of yelling at them. When they continued to argue I then YELLED. The looks on their faces were priceless. I think they almost wet themselves with fear. I then told them that when I yelled that is what it would sound like. They then stopped arguing and fell into line. I never had to do it again.

Now to the extent where spanking might serve as a way to get their attention to prevent them from doing something which might hurt themselves or others I can understand it I suppose. As a form of punishment per se I'm not sure how effective it is in the long run. I however will not pass judgement on someone who is truly at the end of their rope and uses it as a last resort maybe once or twice ever.

My kids thankfully have never needed it and they are all good kids. "There but for the grace of God go I" is generally my motto.