OT: Dad jokes

[mikemarc1]

It’s the law that if it’s raining in Sweden, you have to drive with your headlights on.

But how the heck am I supposed to know that it’s raining in Sweden?!?!

 

[mikemarc1]

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey.

But I turned myself around.

 

[mikemarc1]

I’m addicted to singing the song “The lion sleeps tonight”

The urge to randomly just belt it out is always just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away…..

 

[Knight Ed]

My wife told me I was immature, I told ger to GET OUT OF MY FORT!

 

[RANDALLJ]

what is the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?

1 is a Goodyear, the other is a Great year.

 

[MadRU]

What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

Ones a Superhero the other is a command.

 

[hoquat63]

What should you do if you are attacked by a group of clowns?

Go for the juggler

 

[DJ Spanky]

I have the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

 

[Doteman]

I dated a swiss girl once. Everything was going great until she took me to her hometown. Too many red flags

 

[DJ Spanky]

What do you do to an elephant with 3 balls? Walk him and pitch to the giraffe.

 

[RU Golfer]

What do lawyers wear to work

Law Suits

 

[mikemarc1]

A truck delivering NyQuil overturned on Route 18 this morning. Luckily, no congestion expected on the highway for 24 hours.

 

[MadRU]

I went to the zoo recently, they only had a dog, it was a shih tzu.

 

[MadRU]

My friend has schizophrenia, but he’s good people.

 

[MadRU]

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

 

[MadRU]

Did you hear about the cross eyed circumciser? He got the sack.

 

[MadRU]

I was made to walk the plank when I was a kid, we couldn’t afford a dog.

 

[PiscatawayMike]

When is the moon heaviest?

When it is full.

 

[CharlieCPA]

I was told watermelons can't get married. However, no one said they canteloupe.

 

[hoquat63]

What would you get if you crossed Lassie with a cantaloupe?

A melon collie baby

 

[MadRU]

My printers name is Bob Marley because it always be jammin.

 

[mikemarc1]

I told my psychologist that some days i feel like a wigwam, and the next day i feel like a teepee. I asked her what was wrong?

She says, You're two tents. Relax.

 

[RU Golfer]

Someone called me yesterday sneezed, coughed and hung up.

Theses cold calls are sickening

 

[willisneverrana43]

What's the worst thing that a woman can hear after having sex with Willie Nelson?



































I'm not Willie Nelson.

 

[Plum Street]

I stay up all night thinking about a very important issue ….then it dawned on me

 

[MadRU]

Dad joke Christmas edition

Mary gave birth to the baby Jesus
Jesus is known as the Lamb of God
So, in essence, Mary had a little lamb

 

[WhoRU?]

What did one snowman say to the other? I don’t know about you, but I smell carrots.

 

[Dpgru]

Why can’t you hear a pteradactyl in the bathroom?

Because the p is silent.

 

[Mr_Twister]

Why couldn’t the Dairy Queen have children? She married Mr. Softee.

 

[Purple-Ed]

My eye doctor just told me I was color blind... geez, that came right outta the purple.

 

[rurichdog]

Why do monsters not eat ghosts?

Because they taste like sheet.

 

[jOmega]

Have you ever smelled moth balls?

(Yeah, sure)

How did you get between his legs?

 

[Spartared]

A guy wants to start a bee farm to make honey
At the bee store he buys 12 bees to get started and pays
On the way out he realizes that the store owner put 13 bees in the container.
He turns around to show the owner who says no problem...the extra one is a freebie

 

[MadRU]

Where do you go when you get hurt playing peek-a-boo?

The I.C.U.

 

[RUinPinehurst]

I'm so old I fart dust....

 

[Scarlet4Shore]

What kind of shoes do frogs wear?


Open toad.

 

[Spartared]

Why can’t you hear a pteradactyl in the bathroom?

Because the p is silent. On

What does MATH stand for

Mental Abuse To Humans

 

[RURollShot]

I can tell this since I'm 100% Polish...

Did you hear what happened to the Polish hockey team?


They drowned during Spring training.

 

[Purple-Ed]

Why did the old man fall down the well?

He couldn't see that well.