This is something to be discussed with the lawyer, who can probably provide the best advice.
OT: P.I. and Divorce in NJ
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This is something to be discussed with the lawyer, who can probably provide the best advice.
I said if you choose to use adultery as the grounds for an at fault divorce, you need evidence. Adultery has no waiting period before you file.
People can also choose a no fault divorce, which has a waiting period.
“In New Jersey, the no-fault grounds for divorce require that the parties have been separate and apart for 18 consecutive months, indicating there is no reasonable prospect of reconciliation.”
New Jersey Divorce Laws FAQ - Divorce in NJ | Cordell & Cordell
Cordell & Cordell's New Jersey divorce lawyers provide an overview of the NJ divorce laws, including information on alimony and child support in New Jersey.
cordellcordell.com
To add: You want a good divorce attorney from your county as they know the judges in that county very well.
His friend is getting a lawyer, so that wasn’t the question. Your post has shades of Progressive commercials: “We don’t need a line monitor.”
More specifically: You'll want a good divorce attorney in the county where you file, and for the same reason. When I got divorced, I was living in Union Co. but filed in Mercer using a Lawrence-based attorney, due to the fact that it was where I was about to move. You essentially make it a home game if it goes to trial. (Ours did not, thankfully, but that little bit of an advantage became leverage.)
Funny footnote: It wasn't long after the whole process ended that my ex's divorce attorney began showing up as a Facebook friend suggestion.
Another bit of advice for any man in a divorce- get a female attorney.
Too funny - and I have reread it 3 times and have no clue
It's art. We don't have to understand it. We just have to appreciate it. 😀
Thanks again for your feedback.
For those that have gone through with the process - how does one actually "win"? What's a good attorney actually do for you? Isn't ID'ing and dividing property pretty straight forward? Do the good ones help you hide the money? Lol
Again I'm in California and I think our laws are way different than NJ so I'm just trying to help this guy not get completely effed... Just partially
I've always heard the lawyers take most of everything and there not much left to divide. Wouldn't it be best to come to terms without their involvement?
For those that have gone through with the process - how does one actually "win"? What's a good attorney actually do for you? Isn't ID'ing and dividing property pretty straight forward? Do the good ones help you hide the money? Lol
Again I'm in California and I think our laws are way different than NJ so I'm just trying to help this guy not get completely effed... Just partially
I've always heard the lawyers take most of everything and there not much left to divide. Wouldn't it be best to come to terms without their involvement?
It is more about Alimony payment rather than property(50/50 here in NJ) unless property was purchased prior to marriage and hopefully, you didnt put her name on the deed after tying the knot. The other tricky area to maneuver is, what was earned and saved prior to marriage. With Alimony - her lawyer will do everything possible, if he was the primary provider, to show how much she gave up of herself in order for him to improve his career.
The child support- there is a mandated % set by state. But, she does have the right to request more. You also have to navigate through who is picking up medical care, schooling, etc. She can also try to make the husband responsible for college funds.
You then have to negotiate when and how often you get to have the kids.
I made the huge mistake 25 years ago to just use the same lawyer with her as he had been my guy before we got married and we had continued to use him when we were married. But she had called first and he was legally retained by her.
Even though with us, it was just a parting of the ways and we did work many things out ourselves. But...years later- I realized I had negotiated out of guilt and wanting the lives of our kids to be impacted as little as possible.
We did the standard Child Support, no alimony but...I continued to pay our mortgage and allowed her to stay in the house for a nominal rent(she had to cover utilities and such) And for the first 6 month- I just signed over my paycheck to her and lived off a home equity loan on our home. All this was with the understanding that after 2 years or she remarries- she would purchase the home from me at market price. 2 years later, she is married but home prices had just doubled and instead of making her by it at market- I signed it over for just what I owed in mortgages.
She actually agreed to take less CS for 2 years to make up for some of the loss.
All sounds great until her new husband gets on the dead and they divorse and she is forced to sell and my kids had to uplift their life anyway. And then she got nasty and took me to court saying I didnt pay the full CS for those two years and went after that money plus interest, and the judge awarded it to her. The judge would not even accept the notorized agreement of lessor payment because of sale of the house. Her take- full payment is due no matter what contract or agreement you had "outside" of court.
So- lawyer lawyer lawyer - and only do what courts order. Nothing more and nothing less. And later on, if things change, don't take it upon yourself to make changes- get a lawyer again and bring those changes to court.
How do you win? First thing is don't get divorced and live happily ever after.
Barring that, you win by ensuring that neither side approach it to "win" but rather both sides work it all out themselves. The two sides should put aside their differences and work out the general terms of the agreement before taking it to lawyers. Emotion, greediness or unreasonableness will cost a ton (at least tens of thousands for middle-class folks) for very little change to the ultimate outcome for either party.
In NJ, child support is a formula - no real room for negotiation. The entire thing is based on relative incomes (or really, on earning potential although that's less common) and on how much custody each parent has (if it's equal, like one week on, one week off, then child support from the primary bread-winner is as minimal as it gets). But that might not be possible if one works and the other does not.
Alimony is also somewhat formulaic, but can be negotiated both in duration and amount. But if you let lawyers do that negotiating, the divorce can easily wind up costing a small fortune. It's vastly better for the two parties to work it all out themselves in advance. Oh, and you don't actually have to hire experts to figure out future value of investments and all that nonsense if the two parties can be reasonable and work it out.
I got divorced after 26 years together, 18 years of marriage, and 3 kids. My grand total legal expense was $385. $300 for the initial consult and $85 to review an email with the proposed final divorce decree. My attorney was a guy who headed a large Princeton firm. Not an inexpensive lawyer, is my point.
Both her lawyer and mine tried, fairly gently in my case at least, to create wedge issues, but we didn't budge, spent very little money on it, and are living happily ever after.
IMO, that's how both sides win.
In NJ, it doesn't make any difference (legally) who is doing any cheating, man or woman. It's entirely irrelevant to the divorce proceedings unless it's somehow tied to child neglect or abuse.
A guy I've known for 4 decades is a PI. Notice I didn't say friend. (He actually became semi-famous as a contestant on a reality TV show in the 2000's. ) Cheating spouse was 99% of his business, but his specialty was stretching out billable hours. I've heard that he got referrals based on access to satisfaction beyond the law- from flat tires to beat downs. He also had no discretion so that unless you told him otherwise he might interview friends, in-laws, neighbors, co-workers, relatives...and put your business out on the street. When you know something in your heart, you don't need a PI.
As stated above, getting out is more important than getting even. Any lawyer will probably know this, but make sure to work out college financing and even wedding obligations as part of the divorce. Don't get hung up on the house. Grab your golf clubs and your Mickey Mantle rookie card and place them in a friend's storage unit (not in your name). If you own a business or have a partner, fund all tax and employee obligations now. Tell employees not to answer questions from randos who call or show up on the doorstep.
As stated above, getting out is more important than getting even. Any lawyer will probably know this, but make sure to work out college financing and even wedding obligations as part of the divorce. Don't get hung up on the house. Grab your golf clubs and your Mickey Mantle rookie card and place them in a friend's storage unit (not in your name). If you own a business or have a partner, fund all tax and employee obligations now. Tell employees not to answer questions from randos who call or show up on the doorstep.
I keep thinking it is lyrics to a song but everytime I google it- the internet laughs at me
Tell him to hide an apple air tag in her car and track it. When he has suspicions of her cheating he can act as his own PI. tell him to take videotape and photos.
I believe the bleem has become himself again...
and his is putting his mult degrees together, and he still has no F-ing clue
Almost thinks it is a knock on his beloved Audie's. lol Or Burbon
I googled this to see if it was song lyrics, but Siri laughed at me.
I am in the dark on this, like, way worse than an REM or Talking Heads song. I mean, we’ll all know there is water at the bottom of the ocean, but removing it? That’s crazy talk.
If think your spouse is cheating and are willing to pay a PI to try and confirm it , you already know the answer.
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