OT: Thank you
- Thread starter zazoo2002
- Start date
Just remember, truth, honestly , who's right or wrong mean nothing in divorce court. Your attorney isn't your friend. Everybody is just trying to rack up billable hours. Do you have children? Stay clean as the new fallen snow. Drink a six pack of beer watching two football games on a Saturday, your an alcoholic.
This is some horrible advice.
Your lawyer better be your friend and have his and his interest at heart or else he isn't qualified to represent anyone.
I know you were kidding but the kid question is important.
I dont think he was and to my knowledge divorce lawyers are crocks. Billable hours is all they care about
Where in South Jersey?
Sorry for your troubles, especially during the holiday season. Just a little levity:
If you got a lady and you want her gone But you ain't got the guts
She keeps naggin' at you night and day
Enough to drive you nuts
Pick up the phone, leave her alone It's time you made a stand
For a fee, i'm happy to be
Your back door man hey
Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
Sorry for your troubles, especially during the holiday season. Just a little levity:
If you got a lady and you want her gone But you ain't got the guts
She keeps naggin' at you night and day
Enough to drive you nuts
Pick up the phone, leave her alone It's time you made a stand
For a fee, i'm happy to be
Your back door man hey
Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
I've been told it is cheaper and less agonizing to hire a hitman.
First off I am sorry for you situation. Remember that you are not alone, many here have gone through this before.
I would keep your act clean right now, I am assuming that you are not currently living with your wife. If you are be mindful of false claims of DV.
Do you have kids? What are your debts and assets? Why has your wife gone down a hostile path? Any chance there is another man in the picture?
Retain a good attorney immediately and I would work with him to first secure your property from the house. Don't laugh, I have seen that go down more than once.
Things are going to suck for awhile, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I would keep your act clean right now, I am assuming that you are not currently living with your wife. If you are be mindful of false claims of DV.
Do you have kids? What are your debts and assets? Why has your wife gone down a hostile path? Any chance there is another man in the picture?
Retain a good attorney immediately and I would work with him to first secure your property from the house. Don't laugh, I have seen that go down more than once.
Things are going to suck for awhile, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Sorry for your situation friend. I usually laugh at posting for advice on here but I do know that there are some very good attorney's on here and even if they don't practice divorce, they usually can point you in the right direction. And like their opinions on football or not, we all do seem to look out for each other.
Also, you are just looking for an attorney, not advice. that is the smart way to keep it.
You do get one single piece of advice from me. What ever is determined to be alimony or support, stick to it. Not a penny less and not a penny more. Most of us dumb Dads catch ourselves in a trap. (Not sure if you are a Dad or not) - We have no control on how the mother spends support money. So, all of a sudden, we are spending on new clothes, extra's and sometimes feel guilty and maybe help pay for something that was not in the agreement. Maybe we hit a snag with our job and out of work a few months or lower pay...Advice...don't let guilt drive you going forward. The courts will give you no credit for paying extra or for clothes or helping the Ex out with bills. If you drop in pay or lose a job, file that with the court immediately so that payments are adjusted as well.
Always keep in mind that the Ex wife is tracking everything and documenting everything in her favor. You have to do the same.
That is my only advice my friend except that if there are kids, find a way to keep your own ego out of it and hope she can do the same. Your kids should never be afraid to tell you they did something fun with Mom and same the other way.
Good luck
Also, you are just looking for an attorney, not advice. that is the smart way to keep it.
You do get one single piece of advice from me. What ever is determined to be alimony or support, stick to it. Not a penny less and not a penny more. Most of us dumb Dads catch ourselves in a trap. (Not sure if you are a Dad or not) - We have no control on how the mother spends support money. So, all of a sudden, we are spending on new clothes, extra's and sometimes feel guilty and maybe help pay for something that was not in the agreement. Maybe we hit a snag with our job and out of work a few months or lower pay...Advice...don't let guilt drive you going forward. The courts will give you no credit for paying extra or for clothes or helping the Ex out with bills. If you drop in pay or lose a job, file that with the court immediately so that payments are adjusted as well.
Always keep in mind that the Ex wife is tracking everything and documenting everything in her favor. You have to do the same.
That is my only advice my friend except that if there are kids, find a way to keep your own ego out of it and hope she can do the same. Your kids should never be afraid to tell you they did something fun with Mom and same the other way.
Good luck
Exactly, you need to hire an attorney ASAP. You cannot go this path alone.
I'm deliberately not a divorce attorney. But your comment is so patently offensive about only caring about billable hours. Just this past Friday, my partner had a screaming match with one client, who was $20,000 in the hole on unpaid legal bills, yet insisted on continuing a war over the custody of the family dog. My partner was pleading with her to put an end to the hemorrhaging and she absolutely refused. She will collect her legal fees on the sale of their home, and will do So while shaking her head at their foolishness, which she screamed several times during this heated converation.
So sorry that we attornies have to bill when we do work for people. This is no different than every other working person everywhere. Particularly where that kind of work requires attorneys to deal with angry, irrational people at their absolute worst, who insist on wasting their money, despite our most sensible advice. How dare they complain about "only care about hours." Total and utter bullshit. They aren't all like the above instance, but those that are, it is the normally the people who are the scoundrels, and their attorneys work hard to the point of emotional exhaustion to save clients not only from their spouse, but from themselves as well.
In my experience I’d hire the family law attorney that has a top reputation in the county where the divorce proceedings will be held. He/she will cost more upfront but can provide you a lifetime of savings on the backend.
Do not go down the path of shopping for an attorney based on price. A cut rate attorney will cost you more in the long term with alimony and child support payments, not to mention distribution of assets. Trust me on this.
Do not go down the path of shopping for an attorney based on price. A cut rate attorney will cost you more in the long term with alimony and child support payments, not to mention distribution of assets. Trust me on this.
Find out what brotherskinny did and do the opposite
Been waiting for his reply.
The vast majority of lawyers are awful people and only care about billing hours. The few good lawyers out there are there for one thing, to protect you from the bad ones. The Simpsons summed it up best:
i went through a divorce in the mid 90s zazoo, so sorry it didn’t work out for you.
I found it ironic that I had to paid my ex wife’s attorney’s retainer, I actually paid a person to gouge me.
I found it ironic that I had to paid my ex wife’s attorney’s retainer, I actually paid a person to gouge me.
Some free tax advice - the new tax law wil make alimony non-deductible to the payor and non taxable to the payee for agreements signed after 12/31/18. So if this case drags on fro another year, there are huge tax implications which will make the value of the alimony package change drastically.
Sorry you have to go through this. like others said, get the best attorney you can. Do EXACTLY what he/she says. I talked to five divorce lawyers (still "married"). Common basic advice: do not lose your temper raise your voice, rant, etc. - may result in the Sheriff getting a call (mine threatened this). Real bad, especially if you have kids. Do not get despondent/depressed (hard to do in this case), but can lead to accusations of "clinical depression" (kid thing again). Keep notes of "events", and what was said. Do not talk to anyone else about things except people you can trust. Biggest piece of advice from my lawyers IMHO was : always assume you are being recorded. Not sure about NJ, but NC is a "single party" state. i.e. I can audio record a conversation between myself and someone else, in NC, without their knowledge or consent. Once you say something, you can't take it back.
Hope it all works out for you, and the children, if you have kids.
Hope it all works out for you, and the children, if you have kids.
If he wants I have disposal all covered. Just need her height and weight, my pigs will take care of the rest.
Eh, f*ck you too. You've got it flipped. The vast majority of us work extremely hard for our clients, and put in countless hours every single week for which we will never be compensated. People have a serious issue with understanding the value of time. Just because I do not hand you something shiny when you pay me, doesn't mean you didn't get your money's worth. Just because you think something that takes a few days should take a few hours, doesn't mean you are being ripped off.
Remember, when some lawyer "escalates things just to rack up the billable hours" there is always a douchebag client giving that lawyer the go ahead. All we do is offer the options, and more often than not, a recommendation that it is better to settle things quickly and cheaply. Remember, the best possible way for the lawyer getting paid is nearly always a quick result. But inevitably, the clients get greedy, want to push things, and it winds up costing them. Then they never want to remember that the first thing we told them was to make it go away.
I was serious about the prenup question . Seems like with all the marriages ending in divorce and people getting married later in life ..i.e more assets. You would think more people would enter into them and wonder how/if held up in court.
Any comment from a lawyer defending lawyers is worth a grain of salt.
https://abovethelaw.com/2014/09/scientific-study-concludes-no-one-trusts-lawyers/
We don't do litigation.
When a client wants to get nasty, the first thing I say to the client is that it is a lot cheaper and less distracting to your business to make love, not war. Keep that in mind. I then refer them to a litigator.
A poll of the general public on lawyers doesn't really mean a whole lot. Ask people who are successful if you know any. Most of them will have good lawyers who they love. I have saved a LOT of people literally thousands of times the amount of money they will ever pay me for my services.
You don't really have to take my word for it. I don't care if you do or not. But realize how ludicrous you sound. The issue with perception of lawyers is that "normal" people rarely have to hire lawyers, and when they do, they have no comprehension of what it is going to cost. People who have a base knowledge of the law understand and appreciate lawyers much more.
They "feel" like it shouldn't cost much to do X. This is because they don't understand actually know what X entails, what the lawyer actually does, what the reasons are that its not as simple as they think it should be, and why it takes so much time. "Just give me a form document" they say. It should take like 15 minutes. Yeah, sure. I went to school for an extra 6 years and go to countless seminars every year because all I need to do is plug your name into my magical form document.
People are ignorant. Not victims.
I can't see who you are talking to, and with good reason. Ignore is a great feature.
You really need to get a lawyer, someone who specializes in these types of cases. If you don't, you'll be fighting, not only one arm tied behind your back, but with both. Sad, costly, but true.
OP I have been a practicing attorney for 25 years. Ignore the idiots on this board who disparage lawyers for no other reason than to seek attention. I no longer do matrimonial work but I will tell you there are a lot of good people out there in this profession who are here to help. Interview a few and see who you feel most comfortable with as you will be dealing with them for the entire divorce proceedings and sometimes beyond.
For collaborative divorce, I suggest Jessica Mazur of Hoagland Longo. I believe they practice throughout the state and have an office here at the shore. I refer most of my divorce clients to her and all have come away extremely impressed.
Good luck and remember that in time this too shall pass.
For collaborative divorce, I suggest Jessica Mazur of Hoagland Longo. I believe they practice throughout the state and have an office here at the shore. I refer most of my divorce clients to her and all have come away extremely impressed.
Good luck and remember that in time this too shall pass.
Civil and peaceful is definitely the way to go, hopefully your wife can ultimately arrive at the same conclusion. It sounds like emotions are running high right now, but if you can delay a bit, allow time for everyone to simmer down, and be willing to compromise, especially about financial stuff, that can save you a ton of money and heartache.
I had an unusually good divorce. We had property, kids, retirement plans, etc. Plus I had stock options in a company and my own business. Typical stuff that can lead to tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of legal and financial analyst fees.
My total legal bill for the entire divorce was $385.
My ex and I worked out almost everything ourselves and the attorneys were only there to dot the i's and cross the t's. By prior agreement, my ex had her attorney draw up an initial, standard, divorce agreement that split everything down the middle (including equal custody). Then she (my ex) and I just worked through it together and amended it as we saw fit. Her attorney updated it, my attorney reviewed it. Done. Neither I nor my attorney bothered to attend court for it - there was no need.
It's only when one side or the other gets dumb and insists on prying every possible penny, or every possible minute of custody, that things get really contentious. Or when the parties want to use the divorce as a weapon to punish the other. Which is cutting off one's nose to spite one's face.
My ex and I have remained friends, we do family holidays (like Christmas, Thanksgiving) together, still go out to dinner with our kids (the youngest of which is 19 now). I'm just saying, it's possible to have a divorce and not rip each others' heads off. Sounds like you understand that. Hopefully your wife comes to realize it too.
Good luck.
Normally the firm that represented me sent files to off site storage 5 or 7 years after the divorce was finalized. My ex was such a nut job and so litigious that when my youngest graduated college 15 years later and I had to file papers to stop child support they still had my file on site.
Good luck. Don't let pride be more important than common sense. Don't fight over the small stuff.
Good luck. Don't let pride be more important than common sense. Don't fight over the small stuff.
Lawyer up immediately with the best you can find
Don't fight over stupid shit like cars, household goods, etc. all that crap can be replaced
Never talk badly to your child about their mother, no matter what she does or says.
Try to hide as much money as you can because at the end of the day you're gonna paying.
Don't fight over stupid shit like cars, household goods, etc. all that crap can be replaced
Never talk badly to your child about their mother, no matter what she does or says.
Try to hide as much money as you can because at the end of the day you're gonna paying.
You in NJ? NJ seems to have some complicated emancipation rules.
When my eldest graduated college, I emailed my ex that I was cutting my child support payments by a third, with which the ex had no problem.
Had the kid immediately gone to grad school, I couldn't have done that. Had she not gone to school, it would be 21 (I think) unless she joined the military at 18, in which case she'd be immediately emancipated.
Had we gone through the courts, I'm guessing the court would've asked for everybody's current financial info and recomputed everything for two kids.
I should've sold her to a Saudi prince when she was 13. Blonde, blue eyed and beautiful - would've fetched me an easy $5 million. That'd be a lot of hookers and blow, I'm just sayin'. My youngest (male) doesn't want me to get snipped - says I should have some more daughters and not make the same mistake as last time. Probably figures his cut of my estate will go up, the mercenary little brat. LOL
Yeah, they don't just stop. It has to be approved by the court. To my shock the ex didn't object to it. I'm sure she had a lawyer tell her it was over.
I had to file a papers stating my youngest had a job waiting before she finished school and most important, my son who had already finished school, was working full time, and had been living with me for a while so it was a slam dunk.
While I agree with your point of attorneys/lawyers only care about billable hours. The whole everytime you call your lawyer they charge you for the phone call is absolutely absurd. If you call and have a question and that phone call takes 5-7 minutes, you should not be charging people for that. I get it you want to make money but come one now, people need to have a little decency on how to make money.
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