OT: Thank you
- Thread starter zazoo2002
- Start date
Like many I have had family and friends go through this and the holidays are a particularly rough time. This time of year, all things family tend to get amplified (both good and bad). Best advice I can give you is to be prepared.
Try to work things out amicably, but be ready to litigate if needed. Once you your ex hires an attorney find out as much as you can about them. If you are hoping for an amicable resolution, and your ex hires a pitbull litigator, then you need to protect yourself and go that route too. If protection/restraining orders are involved, then you need to be prepared for a messy situation. A good friend's son had his life and career upended when his ex hired a litigator. He was unprepared and thought that it would be amicable. My brother and his ex managed a reasonable split, but it took time.
Try to work things out amicably, but be ready to litigate if needed. Once you your ex hires an attorney find out as much as you can about them. If you are hoping for an amicable resolution, and your ex hires a pitbull litigator, then you need to protect yourself and go that route too. If protection/restraining orders are involved, then you need to be prepared for a messy situation. A good friend's son had his life and career upended when his ex hired a litigator. He was unprepared and thought that it would be amicable. My brother and his ex managed a reasonable split, but it took time.
Pictures in this thread? It’s not creepy since I’m only 22
The way things have settled out for us is that my daughter, who's 24 and working in NYC for a couple years before going for her MBA, is now living full time with her mom across town, while my youngest (19), who is a sophomore and is also working part-time as an EMT is living full-time with me. Our middle child, (21), graduates this year and is headed for law school. He lives year round off-campus in New Brunswick.
Not sure what the courts would make of all that, child-support-wise. I just pay the ex 2/3 of the original child-support amount and she's fine with that. I'll keep paying for the middle-kid while he's in law school, even though he won't be living at home, and for the youngest until he's out of school. Assuming my daughter goes away to get her MBA, I don't believe the courts would re-institute child-support for her at 25 or 26, so I don't plan to go back to paying the full amount.
I also pay 60/40, which loosely correlated with our relative incomes back when we got divorced, for all relevant kid expenses, like school and medical stuff, on top of child-support.
I figure I could go to the courts and wind up not paying much child-support at all given the current situation. My wife certainly doesn't need the extra money. But whatever, it's just money and it'll all wind up with the kids anyway.
Sure, but it'll cost you $5 million. LOL
That's the cost for visual rent too.
I'll have to shoot her a text that I'm pimping her on the RU forum. She'll be thrilled, I'm sure. LOL
Never used it. Or any other dating site.
Before @DJ Spanky says it, it's mostly because sheep can't fill out online profiles.
The way it should be. Very nice.
Just one question. Was the reason for divorce "hookers and blow?" Or was that the fun that came after divorce?
And because you're not particularly picky. If they "BAAAAAA", you're there.
No, it was his attraction for woolly livestock.
Actually, hookers and blow could've been a wedge issue. We shared the same dealer/pimp and couldn't come to an agreement on who got him.
We went with a Solomonic solution. Didn't work out so well for the dealer/pimp, but the ex and I maintained our friendship, which was the important thing.
I found out the same thing, even after using a mediator...the attorneys still have to review the mediation document. Her attorney insisted on a full review of the document after having reviewed it once and there was only a minor change. He told her "what do you care, you're not paying for it!". If possible, have each of you pay for your own representation.
Best of luck to you in a frustration, upsetting and stressful situation. If you have kids, keep them out of it at all costs and take the high road, regardless. There's an old saying: "Never mud wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig loves it."
Better times will be ahead.
My best man was an attorney. He told me right out that once each party has an attorney, they contact each other and pretty much conspire to keep the thing going to bill as many hours as possible. They would be out of business if each side settled quickly and amicably.
Here's some things that I learned:
-If you are in mediation and she got a lawyer, you can continue mediation without having a lawyer on your side. You can operate "pro se" for a long time without getting an attorney yourself. I did this for a while. It saved me legal fees during the initial portion of the divorce and it drove my ex nuts because I would send an email response back to her attorney's letters; costing me some time and her about $100-300 per correspondence. You only need an attorney if: she files for divorce in court OR you have drafted settlement documents that need to be reviewed. So eventually, you'll need one. Not now. It is better to let the legal bill bleeding be one-sided at this point.
-THIS IS IMPORTANT: Get the mediator to establish a financial cut-off point as soon as possible. It can be a date in the past.This will stop you from having you pay half of her credit card bills while the divorce proceeds. My ex asked for a divorce and then got botox a few weeks later. I got stuck paying for half of that.
-If you have kids, get the custody part done first. That's the most important stuff. Also you can get 50-50 custody of your kids so long as you've been a responsible adult and a involved father. 50-50 isn't d hard to get.
-If you have kids, keep everything about the divorce out of their ears and eyes. Protect them. There is no better way to make them disfunctional adults than to drag them into your divorce process. Be as happy and supportive as you can
-THIS IS IMPORTANT: Don't get into arguments with your ex. You'll only hurt yourself emotionally or legally.
-Keep in mind that anything you say can be held against you- so don't say stupid things or make threats.
-try to record ANY conversation you have with your estranged wife. It is legal in NJ as long as you are speaking in the recording. You dont have to tell her you are recording your conversations with her (you can't record her if you are not present)
-Grab as much documentation around assets as you can and try to establish what your pre-marital assets are
-THIS IS IMPORTANT- Find out what things (custody, personal items) you will fight for and whether they are worth fighting for. Anchor high initially- meaning ask for way way more, but then come down to accepting only the things that REALLY matter. Asking for way more will be jarring to your ex, but this only works well if you QUICKLY retreat to getting what is really important.
Lastly, get this behind you and take the time to take care of yourself. The silver lining is that this gives you the opportunity to rebuild yourself to a life that you would have wanted but couldn't in your marriage. Good luck. Go RU!
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That is unethical and no reputable attorney would risk disbarment to engage in a conspiracy such as you claim against his/her client. I have been doing this for 25 years and did a lot of matrimonial earlier in my career. Never was I approached by an adversary to engage in the scenario you presented. It is fantasy and the op needs advice not fairy tails.
This would be one of the fastest ways possible to be disbarred
Been divorced twice / 1 annulment: how ANGRY is your wife? Can you guys communicate...or is she vindictive?
Lawyer up, protect yourself at all times, and no hitting below the belt in clinches...
MO
Er ah....if you don't go for the Gold / your attorney doesn't either...get a new attorney!
MO
This is sad to me. I hope things can be worked out. I realize how lucky I was to be married to a loving wife for 40 years before she passed away. I was blessed.
Get a female lawyer and think like a vindictive woman. Record everything, blow every action she makes into a major ordeal, understand that she is going to do this to you. Document document document and trust nothing and oh yeah, did I say, get a female lawyer?
You should be asking women who they used in divorces not men...
You should be asking women who they used in divorces not men...
Do not hesitate to call one of our own.....RU alumni....fundraiser etc.
http://www.mbnllp.com/partner3.html
Richard Kent.....covers pre-nup, post nup.....Grandparent rights (something of a new topic trending nationally), all types of expertise.....
203-255-9410.....Office
http://www.mbnllp.com/partner3.html
Richard Kent.....covers pre-nup, post nup.....Grandparent rights (something of a new topic trending nationally), all types of expertise.....
203-255-9410.....Office
Some advise from a 6 year divorced, soon to be remarried guy, who has primary residential custody of his tween boys 12 1/2 and almost 11
First....remember one thing about this process. It costs both sides to litigate. Be very real with yourself on the likely outcome of the case and make emotionless, cost-effective decisions on when to push to go to litigate or when to call it a day. What may be fair to you is not necessarily what is going to be fair in the eyes of the law and judge so you must based your decisions here on the later and not the former. Not easily in an emotional situation like a divorce.
Second ...you must really projection ahead in your thinking when you finally settle. You need to think about how you life (and your soon to be. Ex) may evolve and craft those things into settlement positions. This can save you from having to seek court ruling later on when circumstances change that were a known possibility.
Third, most importantly, keep your mouth 100000000% shut around your child when it comes to your ex. Say nothing bad about her., regardless how you feel. Every negative word you say about your ex to try to poison the child will haunt you 10000X fold later with your later have an adult relationship with your child. Same goes in reverse. Take the high road ... no matter how bad the circumstances may be.
M
Didn't mean to offend you. My wife is an attorney so I get your point. My comment was more of a joke. I sincerely apologize.
It will be hard, but take the high road, especially if you have kids. Let your lawyer sling the mud.
You don't owe me any apology! I get more offended by the sentiment that I know exists. I know hundreds of lawyers and can only think of a couple who I feel have a greedy disposition towards their clients.
I talked to an attorney about a prenup prior to getting married. He said unless you have ridiculous money it’s a waste to have one in NJ
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