Don't do this. You could get in some serious trouble if you pull something like that.Originally posted by TonyLieske:
The old "Tony Soprano" strategy.
As it is, you are in a good position to keep the house since she moved out.
OT: Divorce atty. recommendations
- Thread starter NorthJersey
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As it is, you are in a good position to keep the house since she moved out.
I call BS you could get into trouble. YOu are allowed to talk to as many attorneys as you want to find the right one. What serious trouble could anyone get into? just curious.Originally posted by anvilofstars:
Don't do this. You could get in some serious trouble if you pull something like that.Originally posted by TonyLieske:
The old "Tony Soprano" strategy.
As it is, you are in a good position to keep the house since she moved out.
Thanks for the responses. We don't have any kids and I cut her a bank check for roughly half value out of our joint savings. All of our other accounts are individual.
Someone asked where I live: Hudson
She moved to a building literally up the street (don't get that logic, but then again, I'm giving up figuring out the female species). We are PSU people, and had plans for the RU/PSU game this coming season. Anyone wants to ride with me, you're more than welcome.
I'm starting to research the names now. Asked some friends, and there was a mixed bag of incompetence and satisfaction.
Someone asked where I live: Hudson
She moved to a building literally up the street (don't get that logic, but then again, I'm giving up figuring out the female species). We are PSU people, and had plans for the RU/PSU game this coming season. Anyone wants to ride with me, you're more than welcome.
I'm starting to research the names now. Asked some friends, and there was a mixed bag of incompetence and satisfaction.
You wont go to jail, but you can get in trouble for abuse of process. It will definitely make you look like an idiot/jerk in court which won't help his case AND it can help her file a motion for attorney fees since she wasn't able to access one close by,Originally posted by BROTHERSKINNY:
I call BS you could get into trouble. YOu are allowed to talk to as many attorneys as you want to find the right one. What serious trouble could anyone get into? just curious.Originally posted by anvilofstars:
Don't do this. You could get in some serious trouble if you pull something like that.Originally posted by TonyLieske:
The old "Tony Soprano" strategy.
As it is, you are in a good position to keep the house since she moved out.
Northjersey, before you hire an attorney I recommend you stick with a divorce attorney in that county. Ask around to friends, family and other attorneys. Ask an attorney, If you were getting divorced who would you use? Attorneys who know the judges in the courthouse definitely have an advantage.
Not having kids is a huge advantage and simplifies things greatly.
If your soon to be ex is being reasonable you might want to try collaborative divorce. As a man who has truly seen the horrors of the NJ family court system, I can tell you first hand it is the most horrific experience a person could have. I would rather be waterboarded than go through the NJ family courts. Yes, they are that bad if you have an ex spouse who wants to be vindictive.
Not having kids is a huge advantage and simplifies things greatly.
If your soon to be ex is being reasonable you might want to try collaborative divorce. As a man who has truly seen the horrors of the NJ family court system, I can tell you first hand it is the most horrific experience a person could have. I would rather be waterboarded than go through the NJ family courts. Yes, they are that bad if you have an ex spouse who wants to be vindictive.
I'm really relieved we never had kids. I can't begin to imagine how bad family court can be. It's amazing how skewed the law is against the husbands when over 65% of divorces are caused by the wife.
HP: We aren't cultists. However, her mother is borderline.
Agree with Brotherskinny. Hire the acknowledged best, most respected divorce attorney in the country where the divorce will be litigated. The Judges acknowledge the most respected attorneys and mostly side with their clients in each court proceeding.
Ive been through this in the past and have found that the family court judges side with the divorce attorneys who have been successful in their court rooms in the past. These attorneys will cost more initially but save you a fortune in the settlement.
Sorry to hear about it. There are no winners in divorce, save for the lawyers. In this case, you are indeed lucky in this regard without having to deal with children, visitation and child support.
I'd suggest some sort of counseling, even if it is just for yourself. Marriage counseling is too late 95% of the time. The process can be a godsend for you to get a handle on your emotions. It'll also help you recognize what role you had (even if it is small) in what has happened. Even if your were blindsided, the re may have been things you missed. Neither side is typically 100% responsible. Own up to your part, whatever it is.
If you two can be civil with each other, then the above-mentioned suggestion of mediation can save megabucks in legal fees for both of you.
And be patient. I started my divorce proceedings in mid 1997 and it took 2.5 years to finalize--WITH mediation. It was both the hardest thing I ever had to do (have 3 kids) but one of the most necessary. We're still civil with each other even 15 years post divorce, which makes life a lot easier with kids and grandkids.
It'll be a crazy time for you and your emotions. Be smart, be patient with yourself. There's a whole lot to go through on all fronts. Best of luck.
I'd suggest some sort of counseling, even if it is just for yourself. Marriage counseling is too late 95% of the time. The process can be a godsend for you to get a handle on your emotions. It'll also help you recognize what role you had (even if it is small) in what has happened. Even if your were blindsided, the re may have been things you missed. Neither side is typically 100% responsible. Own up to your part, whatever it is.
If you two can be civil with each other, then the above-mentioned suggestion of mediation can save megabucks in legal fees for both of you.
And be patient. I started my divorce proceedings in mid 1997 and it took 2.5 years to finalize--WITH mediation. It was both the hardest thing I ever had to do (have 3 kids) but one of the most necessary. We're still civil with each other even 15 years post divorce, which makes life a lot easier with kids and grandkids.
It'll be a crazy time for you and your emotions. Be smart, be patient with yourself. There's a whole lot to go through on all fronts. Best of luck.
I think it would be more accurate to say that a stay-at-home spouse that is mostly supported by their partner over a long period is going to get a lot of alimony. And to me, that's justified.
It's not accurate to say that unless you make the same as or less than your wife, you'll get hammered. My wife has worked since college (minus maternity leaves) and she earned a decent six figure income. My income was a good deal higher, yet I didn't get punished financially at all.
I did pay alimony for a short period, and while it was a decent chunk of change, it wasn't unreasonable. I think a case could be made that I shouldn't have had to pay any at all, but I wasn't going to fight over it given that it was a short period. I know some cases similar to mine where the guy didn't pay any alimony at all.
While alimony is completely negotiable, child support is not. Child support in NJ is a formula and there's not a ton of wiggle room. I have joint custody and the kids split their time 50/50 at both houses though, so even child support is not really a big deal in my particular case.
This post was edited on 2/10 8:44 PM by mildone
My brother used Marvin Sunshine from River Edge. A well known divorce attorney. My brother's ex-wife was a closet druggie and accused him of everything imaginable - it got ugly fast. The attorney recommended a detective that uncovered his ex-wife's double life of drug runs to the Bronx, a secret apartment that she shared with a deadbeat boyfriend while the kids were in school and he was at work, and some other stuff worthy of Jerry Springer. At the end of the day my brother got everything he wanted, including full custody of his 2 girls. He spent a fortune but was well represented. Use this guy if it turns ugly.
Nj is a no fault state. Using a PI to catch her in an affair would not really help.
Posted from Rivals Mobile
Posted from Rivals Mobile
I would take steps to try to work things out, and also… Start writing down every single thing that happens.
Posted from Rivals Mobile
Posted from Rivals Mobile
I was going to suggest that we take care of it the old fashioned way, cheaper than the lawyer.
But then you said she was a PSU person. So maybe it would be free.
But then you said she was a PSU person. So maybe it would be free.
I agree with the guy above about stomach lining, don't stress and definitely don't make it nasty for no reason….
Try to work things out, if you can't, start the process. And just remember, divorce is not a big red "easy "button… things will get worse before they get better, so make sure it's what you really want to do.
Posted from Rivals Mobile
Try to work things out, if you can't, start the process. And just remember, divorce is not a big red "easy "button… things will get worse before they get better, so make sure it's what you really want to do.
Posted from Rivals Mobile
"Just realize the "family court" is for the most part a scam, your attorney doesn't care about you or your children, just trying to bill you for as many hours as possible. Being right or wrong, honestly is considered a joke."
Zoby, you are just generalizing and uninformed. I believe there are some lawyers that will nickel and dime you, but not all lawyers are like that. There are some family lawyers like my wife who will not bill you for every little thing. If my wife was in it for the money, then she would be working for a huge law firm with 100s of lawyers making $300K+ a year. She works for a very small firm with 2 partners making a decent salary. Her parents got divorced when she was 6, so she knows the experience from the children side personally. It is not a pleasant experience for children of divorced parents. Trust me.
I asked her why do people get divorced. Her response, "People who shouldn't have gotten married in the first place." People don't change. Marriage is not easy. It only gets harder as you add responsibility such as buying home, children, etc.
Zoby, you are just generalizing and uninformed. I believe there are some lawyers that will nickel and dime you, but not all lawyers are like that. There are some family lawyers like my wife who will not bill you for every little thing. If my wife was in it for the money, then she would be working for a huge law firm with 100s of lawyers making $300K+ a year. She works for a very small firm with 2 partners making a decent salary. Her parents got divorced when she was 6, so she knows the experience from the children side personally. It is not a pleasant experience for children of divorced parents. Trust me.
I asked her why do people get divorced. Her response, "People who shouldn't have gotten married in the first place." People don't change. Marriage is not easy. It only gets harder as you add responsibility such as buying home, children, etc.
North - just sent this thread to a very good friend, fellow RU alumnus and season ticket holder as well as board "lurker" who posts once in a blue moon, who works out of River Edge. Does a lot of divorce/family type work IIRC (see below: JTBuck26).
This post was edited on 2/11 8:51 AM by AreYouNUTS
This post was edited on 2/11 8:51 AM by AreYouNUTS
But Mild you already explained that you did not have a contentious divorce and its sounds like your ex-wife was very reasonable. Your experience is somewhat unusual as these things tend to get ugly quickly. And depending on the situation, even the child support can become a problem if the spouse treats it like alimony and doesn't spend it on the kids.
I'd say it is inaccurate to pass your situation off as typical. And even you had to pay her despite her strong income.
Thanks again, guys. Lots of good info here - much appreciated. We spoke briefly and will have a cool down period to sort this crap out. Not optimistic, but taking the nuke option off the table for now.
Haha. My opinion of Paterno is not good, but that convo is for another day. She's in the same boat with me on that topic.
Don't give up hope! You both have a mutual disdain for JoePa, that could be a building block to reconciliation!
North Jersey,
To sum up most of what has been said on this board.
1) Try to go the collaborative divorce as that will be your cheapest option.
2) Hire an attorney in the county in which your case is going to be adjudicated even if going collaborative.
3) Do not sign any divorce decrees until you have read it 100 times. Yes, I really mean 100 times! Give it to people you trust to read too! Brother, Sister, close friend. Make sure you vet the document very, very, very well! Divorce decrees are almost impossible to change after the fact and very very very expensive to do so.
4) Live life and be happy.
To sum up most of what has been said on this board.
1) Try to go the collaborative divorce as that will be your cheapest option.
2) Hire an attorney in the county in which your case is going to be adjudicated even if going collaborative.
3) Do not sign any divorce decrees until you have read it 100 times. Yes, I really mean 100 times! Give it to people you trust to read too! Brother, Sister, close friend. Make sure you vet the document very, very, very well! Divorce decrees are almost impossible to change after the fact and very very very expensive to do so.
4) Live life and be happy.
Having been through the "finding myself" experience but in my case with a kid involved, one of the best pieces of advice given was to keep a journal of everything. It may seem inane and maybe you just throw it out after a year but it can be very useful. In short, the term "finding myself" for my ex meant "finding myself in someone else's bed".
Even though finding this out in process has no effect on the case legally in NJ it can be a powerful motivating factor if that person would rather not have that information known to family members and friends. I never had to use the threat explicitly, but confronting her with the evidence and leaving it at that kept the whole situation calm and equitable. In my case there were three people involved (me, the ex, and a young daughter), I chose the path of being the only adult in the situation. To this day her family believes it was all my fault but I can live with that knowing that my ex was in no position to poison my relationship with my kid of whom we shared joint custody.
It may seem like a dark time but I've since remarried to an incredible lady and have beautiful twin daughters. I can't imagine life without my three daughters. If I had not been married to the first I never would have had my oldest girl and would never have met the second wife who was not ready to be married until little later in life. Looking back I would not change a thing. Good luck and keep your chin up.
Even though finding this out in process has no effect on the case legally in NJ it can be a powerful motivating factor if that person would rather not have that information known to family members and friends. I never had to use the threat explicitly, but confronting her with the evidence and leaving it at that kept the whole situation calm and equitable. In my case there were three people involved (me, the ex, and a young daughter), I chose the path of being the only adult in the situation. To this day her family believes it was all my fault but I can live with that knowing that my ex was in no position to poison my relationship with my kid of whom we shared joint custody.
It may seem like a dark time but I've since remarried to an incredible lady and have beautiful twin daughters. I can't imagine life without my three daughters. If I had not been married to the first I never would have had my oldest girl and would never have met the second wife who was not ready to be married until little later in life. Looking back I would not change a thing. Good luck and keep your chin up.
Meaningless to find out what she is doing. NJ is a no-fault state, she could be dancing naked on the top of bars and it would be meaningless in court.
RUTBAY, Sounds like you have had the exact opposite divorce than I have had. Eight years and counting and still in the courthouse three or four times a year. Hundreds of thousands pissed away on attorneys. Children poisoned against me. It is horrific the damage that the family courts can do if you have a vindictive ex.
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