Originally posted by mildone:
Interesting to see how different people would handle this situation. And how people jump to conclusions without knowing anything.
First thing I'd do is give her space w/out doing anything drastic. Definitely consult with some legal/financial experts as necessary to protect yourself, but you don't have to jump right to divorce unless you don't really care about her or the marriage.
Yeah, maybe she's met another guy, and that would suck. But if you are the controlling or smothering type, she might just want to get
away from you so she can think straight and it might not be another guy at all (hint: smothering/controlling guys can't always recognize or admit it to themselves - ask a friend who'll be honest with you).
If you do wind up getting divorced, you should follow the advice from those telling you to try to work things out yourselves if at all possible.
I got divorced a handful of years ago (in NJ) after being married for 18 years, having 3 kids, having a variety of financial things (variety of savings, 401Ks, stock options, a business, house, cars, etc, although no trusts).
We collected all the financial information and organized it. She got a lawyer to draft an initial agreement that addressed everything because it helps to have a starting point. Then she and I sat down together and worked out changes to that agreement, details, etc. Once we had it all worked out between us, I had the agreement reviewed by an attorney. My total cost was $385. Don't know hers exactly, but had to be less than $1000.
Ex wife and I are friends. We do family holidays together, our families still do things together, etc. To me, my ex, our kids and our extended families, we had the best divorce possible.
Or you can go the overly emotional, butt-hurt route. That usually creates lots of the wedge issues divorce attorney's thrive on. They will be more than happy to argue out every little detail for you at 300-400/hour. This route will cost you tens of thousands of dollars (at least) and you'll probably wind up with virtually the same outcome you would've had going the emotionless route.
Sorry you have to go through this, but try to tamp down the emotions, avoid being punitive (NJ divorce/family law doesn't provide much leeway for being punitive anyway). Protect yourself and be smart for the long run.
