OT: Engagement Ring Spend

[retired711]

I know this will seem un-romantic, but I would go to at least one jewelry store with your intended to find out what her tastes are. Or perhaps you know a close friend of hers or her sister, and they might be able to advise you.

I disagree with the size-over-quality position. Yes, the quality does add to how impressive the ring is. And the size of the diamond doesn't matter so much anymore because most settings have little diamonds surrounding the main diamond, and so even a small diamond can be very impressive.

Round settings are still the most popular. You can decide whether that's a good thing (I'm doing what most guys do) or a bad thing (what I'm doing is too conventional).

Note also that some jewelry companies can find you interest-free financing for six months or so. That's a way to spread out cost without paying finance charges.

 

[jmc11201]

My only thought is that unfortunately the rest of your marriage you end up having to by other assorted jewelry that also seems overpriced. Earrings, necklaces, bracelets, etc. Spending that cash on jewelry that seems overpriced doesn't end with the engagement ring, it begins with the engagement ring.

I've been lucky. She prefers nice costume jewelry to fancy stuff. Don't think more than $300 spent on anything since and she doesn't trust me to pick stuff out...so it is all her choice.

 

[blockm2]

I've been lucky. She prefers nice costume jewelry to fancy stuff. Don't think more than $300 spent on anything since and she doesn't trust me to pick stuff out...so it is all her choice.

lucky dog


Birthday
Christmas
Anniversary

That's 3 damn special occasions every year for me that each require something "special". And by special I mean really nice and matches some other piece of jewelry that she already owns. The only saving grace is she sends me email "hints" with links to things so there isn't much guesswork.

 

[thad23]

I've been lucky. She prefers nice costume jewelry to fancy stuff. Don't think more than $300 spent on anything since and she doesn't trust me to pick stuff out...so it is all her choice.

Me too! Very lucky.

And the cut on her ring gets compliments all the time on how sparkly it is and it not a huge diamond or anything. It suits her petite fingers as well.

 

[jmc11201]

lucky dog


Birthday
Christmas
Anniversary

That's 3 damn special occasions every year for me that each require something "special". And by special I mean really nice and matches some other piece of jewelry that she already owns. The only saving grace is she sends me email "hints" with links to things so there isn't much guesswork.

She has you trained like a dog. Not sure how you break out of that cycle.

God speed.

 

[RUskoolie]

Where did you buy the ring?Can you give the type?

NYC Diamond district. 46th or 47th street. It's like "Little Israel" pretty much.

 

[Rokodesh]

I know this will seem un-romantic, but I would go to at least one jewelry store with your intended to find out what her tastes are. Or perhaps you know a close friend of hers or her sister, and they might be able to advise you.

I disagree with the size-over-quality position. Yes, the quality does add to how impressive the ring is. And the size of the diamond doesn't matter so much anymore because most settings have little diamonds surrounding the main diamond, and so even a small diamond can be very impressive.

Round settings are still the most popular. You can decide whether that's a good thing (I'm doing what most guys do) or a bad thing (what I'm doing is too conventional).

Note also that some jewelry companies can find you interest-free financing for six months or so. That's a way to spread out cost without paying finance charges.

Disagree. if you can't pay for it in cash, you can't afford it. Taking out a loan for a ring even at 0% for 6 months is one of the worst financial mistakes you can ever make. I worked with a guy who went into debt for an engagement ring, that made me cringe so hard.

 

[fatsam98]

Spend what you're comfortable spending. My wife mentioned to me which cut she liked and I took her sister shopping with me, glad i did. Good luck.

 

[RU_Planning]

Disagree. if you can't pay for it in cash, you can't afford it. Taking out a loan for a ring even at 0% for 6 months is one of the worst financial mistakes you can ever make. I worked with a guy who went into debt for an engagement ring, that made me cringe so hard.

If someone can keep my $12k invested while getting 6 months 0% interest they should do it. Keep in mind this means they could have bought the ring in cash from the beginning.

 

[Upstream]

She will be more impressed...and more importantly her friends and family will be more impressed...if it is bigger rather than shinier.

It really depends on your girlfriend, and her friends and family.

When my wife and I were first talking about marriage, she would often comment on other women's engagement rings, so I could get a sense of what she liked. It was pretty clear that she (and most of her friends) thought that large rocks were gaudy and inappropriate and reflected poorly on the couple.

I also have a friend who bought his wife a small 1/2 caret diamond when they got engaged, because that is all he could afford. Many years later, she lost her ring and went to buy a new ring. By then, he was well established and could easily afford to buy her whatever she wanted. She ended up with a 3/4 caret diamond, because she thought anything bigger looked silly on her finger.

 

[anon_0k9zlfz6lz9oy]

I was always told 3 months salary. It's a sigh of relief to know that overwhelming people disagree.

A girl I know whos sister got engaged was secretly upset and wanted to upgrade her ring because the guy "ONLY" spent $15k. How insane women can be is appalling.

 

[Rokodesh]

I was always told 3 months salary. It's a sigh of relief to know that overwhelming people disagree.

A girl I know whos sister got engaged was secretly upset and wanted to upgrade her ring because the guy "ONLY" spent $15k. How insane women can be is appalling.

I already know how that marriage will end up lol.

 

[RU_Planning]

I was always told 3 months salary. It's a sigh of relief to know that overwhelming people disagree.

A girl I know whos sister got engaged was secretly upset and wanted to upgrade her ring because the guy "ONLY" spent $15k. How insane women can be is appalling.

Yes, that is a good point. Engagement rings are often a competition between women and their friends (same for weddings), keeping up with the Joneses, the American way! If those things don't matter much to your fiance, you will likely have a less stressful future.

 

[Doteman]

I second going to the diamond district, me and several of my buddies have used Keith Saxe at NYC Wholesale Diamonds, ph#212-719-2214. I got a nice size ring at a good price that most people think I paid much more for than I actually did.

 

[RU1993]

Buy her what you can afford, it's not about the ring

 

[retired711]

Disagree. if you can't pay for it in cash, you can't afford it. Taking out a loan for a ring even at 0% for 6 months is one of the worst financial mistakes you can ever make. I worked with a guy who went into debt for an engagement ring, that made me cringe so hard.

Disagree. If you are paying no interest, you are basically paying cash -- except that you are getting the benefit of being able to spread the payments over six months rather than come up with one big lump sum. As long as you pay in six months -- and if you can't, you shouldn't be buying the ring -- you are fine.

 

[anon_0k9zlfz6lz9oy]

I second going to the diamond district, me and several of my buddies have used Keith Saxe at NYC Wholesale Diamonds, ph#212-719-2214. I got a nice size ring at a good price that most people think I paid much more for than I actually did.

Now heres my question if people think you paid more for it than you did, do you lie and inflate the price you tell them you paid? Or do you even tell people what you paid in general? Does your fiance ask how much youve paid? Young guy here haha

 

[patk89]

Diamond district is on 47th St between 5th and 6th avenues.

I see large/cheap rings that look ridiculous and stick out as measures of bad taste. Get a higher quality ring of reasonable size depending on your budget. If you are just out of college, you are not going to spend $20K. If you are mid-career and have money set aside, $20K makes more sense. My friend paid $50K and the ring really didn't look that nice. Big but looked bad on her hand.

 

[bitnez]

No heres my question if people think you paid more for it than you did, do you lie and inflate the price you tell them you paid? Or do you even tell people what you paid in general? Does your fiance ask how much youve paid? Young guy here haha

depends on what type of person you are. do you want to be the guy that spent a lot of money or the guy who got a good deal?

 

[Doteman]

No heres my question if people think you paid more for it than you did, do you lie and inflate the price you tell them you paid? Or do you even tell people what you paid in general? Does your fiance ask how much youve paid? Young guy here haha

I don't tell anyone what I paid, but my wife saw the paperwork for the appraisal as I was looking to get it insured. Two of her girlfriends said something about me paying a number that was more than what I paid, I'm not sure what she told them.

 

[anon_0k9zlfz6lz9oy]

depends on what type of person you are. do you want to be the guy that spent a lot of money or the guy who got a good deal?

Im one cheap SOB so Im a good deal guy. If I can get a $1,000 ring that looks like a $30,000 ring that's me haha

 

[Rokodesh]

Disagree. If you are paying no interest, you are basically paying cash -- except that you are getting the benefit of being able to spread the payments over six months rather than come up with one big lump sum. As long as you pay in six months -- and if you can't, you shouldn't be buying the ring -- you are fine.

I understand, I guess my point was more that people who buy 6 months no interest are more likely to keep making payments long after the promotion expires, whereas now they're paying interest charges for the engagement ring. The way so many people rack up credit card debt by buying a bunch of stuff they can't afford because there's no interest for 6 or 12 months, and then making the minimal payment during that time. If you have the money up to pay off within that time, its more understood.

 

[Rokodesh]

Now heres my question if people think you paid more for it than you did, do you lie and inflate the price you tell them you paid? Or do you even tell people what you paid in general? Does your fiance ask how much youve paid? Young guy here haha

tell them it's none of their business

 

[rexofpoland]

Open up a 0% APR for 18 months credit card and charge it. In theory she will wear this ring forever. When you put in perspective how much you're going to blow on a one-day event (wedding), you'll see it's a drop in the bucket.

 

[greenknight]

Should have noted once wedding band goes on they revert to original position

 

[shupat08]

Make sure you know what she likes first and foremost.

My wife didn't want a Diamond. Blood diamonds, slavery, the fact that diamond companies made up the idea that diamonds were marriage stones, counter culture hippie type, etc... She wanted an amethyst.

I went to my local jeweler. I've known the sales manager since early high school and she always gives my family 35% off.

Once I found the right rock and caret... I then started looking at shapes and discussed it with the sales manager. I also started looking at rings online.

I got the princess cut - which my wife happens to love.

Then I just had to find the right band itself that took a bit of time.

Luckily all my choices were correct. And my wife loves everyone's reaction when they see her Engagement ring. Many people are perplexed which she finds hilarious and many more people love her ring for it's uniqueness.

The long and short of it... Make sure you know what she likes and spend whatever you feel comfortable spending. If she's worth it, she won't care how much it cost.

 

[JBL7979]

The 3 months salary thing is hilarious - so I have to spend the same as my co-worker who makes the same, even though he has no student loans and I have a lot? Please...

 

[retired711]

I understand, I guess my point was more that people who buy 6 months no interest are more likely to keep making payments long after the promotion expires, whereas now they're paying interest charges for the engagement ring. The way so many people rack up credit card debt by buying a bunch of stuff they can't afford because there's no interest for 6 or 12 months, and then making the minimal payment during that time. If you have the money up to pay off within that time, its more understood.

Yes, there is that possibility. In my case, the interest rate following the six months is so outrageously high that it would make no sense to take the six free months unless I intended to pay off in that period. I hate owing money -- it's the influence of my parents, who paid off their home mortgage in seven years -- so I am a nut about paying off debt as soon as I can.

 

[RU85inFla]

The 3 months salary thing is hilarious - so I have to spend the same as my co-worker who makes the same, even though he has no student loans and I have a lot? Please...

Your future wife should date your co-worker.

 

[jmc11201]

Seems like the only consensus is that the 'three month rule' isn't something anyone does.

Make sure you watch Blood Diamonds with your soon-to-be-fiance before you go ring shopping. Might save you a bundle.

But the common theme seems to be 'spend what you are comfortable spending'.

 

[retired711]

Seems like the only consensus is that the 'three month rule' isn't something anyone does.

Make sure you watch Blood Diamonds with your soon-to-be-fiance before you go ring shopping. Might save you a bundle.

But the common theme seems to be 'spend what you are comfortable spending'.

I remember when it was the "two month rule" and it was definitely promoted by the diamond industry. (I saw the ads in the 70s back when the Sporting News was worth reading.) The two-month rule, according to the ads, was supposedly a way of showing your intended what your future lives would be like, i.e. he'll give you lots of spending money. Spend what you're comfortable with. I went over my target price because my fiance and I really liked a particular diamond and setting. On the other hand, I knew I could afford it. Please don't spend money on a ring you can't afford. Remember there are plenty of other things (like house and furniture) to spend money on. The psychologists say the best way to spend money is to have experiences with it; experiences are far more memorable than possessions.

 

[Leonard23]

I disagree with the size-over-quality position. Yes, the quality does add to how impressive the ring is. And the size of the diamond doesn't matter so much anymore because most settings have little diamonds surrounding the main diamond, and so even a small diamond can be very impressive.

Agreed. So many people want that bigger 2 or 3 carat or larger ring with a bad cut, color &/or clarity & it looks dull with either yellowing or very cloudy or little sparkle, when they could've bought something smaller with a better cut, clarity & color. Many view cut as the most important of the c's followed by clarity & color. Cut is most important because it has the greatest impact on how the diamond looks, as it measures light performance. You don't want something dull or yellowed that doesn't sparkle. For color, you should probably look at the near colorless ranges of G-I or J but it depends on the cut & clarity. For clarity, you can look at VVS1, VVS2, VS1, VS2 & maybe SI1 or SI2 if the cut & color are good but it depends on the cut & color.

 

[BigLou]

Go with a "Champagne" colored ring, Its the newest trend.

 

[AntiG]

Agreed. So many people want that bigger 2 or 3 carat or larger ring with a bad cut, color &/or clarity & it looks dull with either yellowing or very cloudy or little sparkle, when they could've bought something smaller with a better cut, clarity & color. Many view cut as the most important of the c's followed by clarity & color. Cut is most important because it has the greatest impact on how the diamond looks, as it measures light performance. You don't want something dull or yellowed that doesn't sparkle. For color, you should probably look at the near colorless ranges of G-I or J but it depends on the cut & clarity. For clarity, you can look at VVS1, VVS2, VS1, VS2 & maybe SI1 or SI2 if the cut & color are good but it depends on the cut & color.

My base rule for the one I chose in the end with total budget (stone + setting + any taxes or shipping costs + getting a certified independent gemologist to verify):
GIA certified (the certificate also shows the possible specs, needles and feathers under magnification which really makes the difference after you narrow it down to a few different stones that fit your criteria)
Ideal Cut (the #1)
at least VS2 Clarity (eye clear)
at least G Color (H sometimes still has some yellow tinting)
at least 1.25 Carat (big enough to make most reasonable girls happy)

I ended up getting a stunning GIA certified Ideal/VS1/G/1.5 Carat online from B2C and then getting the inspection and a beautful setting from Adler's in Westfield. It is one of the most beautiful rings I've ever seen personally and she always gets great comments from friends and random girls. I spent 18k on the entire thing, so it was under the max budget I was willing to spend, and if your budget is lower, you can always go down a step in terms of carats, and SI1 or 2, and H color.

 

[Leonard23]

My base rule for the one I chose in the end with total budget (stone + setting + any taxes or shipping costs + getting a certified independent gemologist to verify):
GIA certified (the certificate also shows the possible specs, needles and feathers under magnification which really makes the difference after you narrow it down to a few different stones that fit your criteria)
Ideal Cut (the #1)
at least VS2 Clarity (eye clear)
at least G Color (H sometimes still has some yellow tinting)
at least 1.25 Carat (big enough to make most reasonable girls happy)

I ended up getting a stunning GIA certified Ideal/VS1/G/1.5 Carat online from B2C and then getting the inspection and a beautful setting from Adler's in Westfield. It is one of the most beautiful rings I've ever seen personally and she always gets great comments from friends and random girls. I spent 18k on the entire thing, so it was under the max budget I was willing to spend, and if your budget is lower, you can always go down a step in terms of carats, and SI1 or 2, and H color.

I'd also add that almost no one can tell the size difference between a 1.1-1.49 carat vs 1.5 carats & costs jump when you hit 1.5 so you can save some good $ going slightly under unless your girl isn't having it. A 1.1 carat has ~ 8mm smaller top surface than 1.5. Same logic applies for 1.6-1.9 vs 2, etc. It all depends on what your girl wants & would like.

 

[Alaska_Dawg]

Should have noted once wedding band goes on they revert to original position

[roll]

 

[miketd1]

Treat it like you're buying your first house:

Figure out what's most important to her (and you) and go all-in on whatever that is without losing your shirt.

 

[AntiG]

I'd also add that almost no one can tell the size difference between a 1.1-1.49 carat vs 1.5 carats & costs jump when you hit 1.5 so you can save some good $ going slightly under unless your girl isn't having it. A 1.1 carat has ~ 8mm smaller top surface than 1.5. Same logic applies for 1.6-1.9 vs 2, etc. It all depends on what your girl wants & would like.

Agreed - unless you have them side by side, its not too big a difference. I am able to tell the difference easily now but that's also because I'd been looking at diamonds for about 3 months before I decided on one. Either way, if your future wife is actually upset because you can't get her bigger than you can afford, perhaps then she should be trying to find someone a bit richer to chase.

 

[JBL7979]

Your future wife should date your co-worker.

I have other "talents" that make me preferable.

 

[retired711]

just wanted to comment that all diamonds for sale in the U.S. are supposedly "conflict free" diamonds that supposedly weren't mined to support one or another side in an African civil war. But don't confuse them with "ethical" diamonds that were supposedly not mined under horrible labor conditions. I say "supposedly" because it is hard to check the claims. I thought my fiancé might want to go for a different stone than a diamond because of such concerns, but she decided to go with a diamond because it has become so accepted for engagements.