OT: Parochial school, when is best time to start

[REDRICH65]

Went to Catholic schools from K thru Soph yr at Seton Hall B4 trans to Rutgers College ( scholarship). What a culture shock! My 3 kids all the way they private and Catholic schools. Great colleges and careers

 

[jaydogsmooth1]

I don't have a young child, but I hear that hormones are kicking in earlier and earlier these days -- that girls are having their first period much sooner than in the past. (I think this is nutrition, just it many young women tower over me and I'm 5' 9". ) Maybe that should play a role. I do think that prevention is worth a pound of cure, and that sending her there a little too early would be better than risking doing it too late. It seems to me that if she's going to change schools anyway, this would be a good time for the switch. But, of course, every child is different and, again, you don't want an unhappy kid. That would be awful for you and your wife as well as her.

Those are exactly the thoughts we're weighing
Lot to think about for sure!

 

[Rhuarc]

As a 20+ year public school teacher, I would move on from the old school this coming September.

My reasons: Gives her more time to find friendships with her new peers. If she stays, it makes it harder for her to let go and transition away from her old friends. Gives her time to acclimate to a new curriculum and methodology before school gets serious in middle school. Not to mention the hormones kick in worse than they already exist.

Honestly, if your mind is set, there's no reason to wait around. Only reason I would stay is if it's a budget breaker.

 

[RUaMoose]

Why parochial school? If you are religious, then that's a good enough reason.
However, in Monmouth County some good non-parochial options exist.

Take a look at Oak Hill Academy in Lincroft. Uniforms required (at least they were 5-6 years ago. Fantastic preparation for high school, particularly in science and math. Both of our kids went to Oak Hill-one in grades 6-8, the other in grades 4-8. For the 6-8, our school district did not offer a math course appropriate for the level of aptitude, and had suggested sending our kid to high school for math in 6th grade. This did not seem like a good option, as we did not want a 6th grader in the high school. At Oak Hill, there were peers at the same grade level or who were very advanced in math.

For the 4-8, it was a wonderful experience. Not as advanced as the older kid, but still smart. Both kids went to the magnet high schools (Biotech and Allied Health). At the time, I was reluctant to shell out money for private school when we lived in one of the best school districts in the State, but we found the curriculum to be very disappointing. Both are young adults now, thriving, successful respectful and career-focused. In hindsight, we think the investment in Oak Hill was money very well spent.

Funny thing. Our kids road the bus with kids going to Christian Brothers Academy. They said they learned a lot of new bad words on those bus rides.

Why do you need non-public opinions in NJ ? I thought their schools were so good, #2 in the country behind MA we’re told. And this is Monmouth County not exactly Patterson

 

[JayDogSmooth]

Why do you need non-public opinions in NJ ? I thought their schools were so good, #2 in the country behind MA we’re told. And this is Monmouth County not exactly Patterson

We prefer the religious aspect of parochial school
Academically though, NJ public schools are undeniably top notch

 

[RU848789]

Good luck because kids are kids no matter where they go to school and what is troubling you can occur at a parochial school just as easy as a public school. If your kid is a good kid with a good head on her shoulders then she will be fine no matter where she goes to school especially with guidance from her parents.

Agreed. I happen to be a big fan of kids going to public schools in the towns they live in. Worked out pretty well for our son and for just about all of the kids of parents in town that we're friends with (all of our kids are now in their late 20s to near 30 and they all went to good colleges and seem to be doing quite well), but to be fair the same is generally true for the kids who went to local private/parochial schools. And yes, as a side benefit we saved a ton of $$ sending our only child to public school.

IMO, you hit the nail on the head with the biggest issue likely being having kids that are already fairly well adjusted before even getting to school age and having parents that are constructively involved in their kids' educations. There will always be exceptions, though. I was one of them: latchkey kid from a not wealthy family where my parents were divorced when I was 9 and I lived with an alcoholic mother through HS (she finally got help when I was 18) with essentially zero supervision, but I think I did ok. And we know a couple of kids in town with the best parental support in the world who just somehow never thrived in either private or public schools and still struggle today (or worse, as every town has kids who have died in the opioid epidemic).

 

[RUskoolie]

I feel you OP. My wife and I just spent a long few weeks considering starting a POD or home school and then possibly Catholic school because we are so disappointed in the NJ public school elementary curriculum. My daughter asked to wait another year or two to see if it gets better, which we thought was very mature of her.

 

[JayDogSmooth]

I feel you OP. My wife and I just spent a long few weeks considering starting a POD or home school and then possibly Catholic school because we are so disappointed in the NJ public school elementary curriculum. My daughter asked to wait another year or two to see if it gets better, which we thought was very mature of her.

Times have certainly changed since we were in school, that’s for sure

 

[Knight Shift]

Why do you need non-public opinions in NJ ? I thought their schools were so good, #2 in the country behind MA we’re told. And this is Monmouth County not exactly Patterson

I detailed our situation, which was unique.

 

[Plum Street]

Agreed. I happen to be a big fan of kids going to public schools in the towns they live in. Worked out pretty well for our son and for just about all of the kids of parents in town that we're friends with (all of our kids are now in their late 20s to near 30 and they all went to good colleges and seem to be doing quite well), but to be fair the same is generally true for the kids who went to local private/parochial schools. And yes, as a side benefit we saved a ton of $$ sending our only child to public school.

IMO, you hit the nail on the head with the biggest issue likely being having kids that are already fairly well adjusted before even getting to school age and having parents that are constructively involved in their kids' educations. There will always be exceptions, though. I was one of them: latchkey kid from a not wealthy family where my parents were divorced when I was 9 and I lived with an alcoholic mother through HS (she finally got help when I was 18) with essentially zero supervision, but I think I did ok. And we know a couple of kids in town with the best parental support in the world who just somehow never thrived in either private or public schools and still struggle today (or worse, as every town has kids who have died in the opioid epidemic).

Thank you for sharing this . It’s a good perspective

 

[newell138]

Thank you for sharing this . It’s a good perspective

It certainly makes more sense if you live in a town with a good school system. Not all towns are that fortunate even in NJ.

 

[ruvsi]

Times have certainly changed since we were in school, that’s for sure

Here is my perspective. I went to one of the Princeton private schools for HS. My public school system was ranked high in NJ. My parents were spending a lot on tuition. I transferred back to my public because I missed my hometown friends. Never was included in social things when i went to private. I’ll be honest I’m so happy I transferred back to public. Living a very successful life even with public.
My question is what is Parochial now a days. I drive by a local Parochial HS and there are girls walking around holding hands(dating). Males wearing skirts.
Just be sure your daughter is happy. They are only young once.

 

[gef21]

We'll be sending our daughter to parochial school sooner rather than later
There's various reasons why we're doing this, a lot of which have been rehashed here amongst multiple parties in many different threads over the years

My question is when is the best time to do this?
We're located in a good school system in Monmouth County, and our daughter, though well behaved and respectful, has definitely changed over the past year

Some of it is part of growing up IMO, but I'd imagine some of the things she sees and hears (not just in school) is also attributing to this
She's currently in third grade and will start a new school next year for 4th and 5th grade, and will have only been in this current school for one year

The plan would be to send her to the middle school and associated high school where most of the kids from that middle school go to
The issue, besides cost, is when to do it

I'm in favor of pulling the plug next year, while my wife prefers to wait until middle school starts (6th grade)
Any opinions would be greatly appreciated - thanks!

While not a parochial school my sons will both be going to private school. Our plan is to have them stay through 6th grade in public school (5/6 is in its own building) and then repeat 6th grade at private school. This will give the important middle school years in the school we want them in through 12th grade.

I think it all depends on the quality and size of the elementary school and when the schools split.

 

[JayDogSmooth]

Here is my perspective. I went to one of the Princeton private schools for HS. My public school system was ranked high in NJ. My parents were spending a lot on tuition. I transferred back to my public because I missed my hometown friends. Never was included in social things when i went to private. I’ll be honest I’m so happy I transferred back to public. Living a very successful life even with public.
My question is what is Parochial now a days. I drive by a local Parochial HS and there are girls walking around holding hands(dating). Males wearing skirts.
Just be sure your daughter is happy. They are only young once.

That’s partially why Wel be doing the parochial dance soon, as leaving behind and making new friends the older kids get can prove to be difficult

In regard to boys wearing skirts, etc, I’d imagine the school you’re referencing is an outlier, as that Presumedly would go against the code of conduct at most, if not all of the schools associated w the diocese

 

[rutgersdave]

Are we going overboard with private schools? I know there are some benefits going to private school, probably less bullying, networking, stricter environment and religious reasons. However, all my siblings and I went to public school in the 60’s and 70’s, no pre school and didn’t know my alphabets and numbers going into kindergarten. We all went to college and did well financially. The next generation went to pre school was ahead knowing alphabets and numbers before kindergarten. They almost all went to Rutgers and all are doing better than the parents. The next group, 2-10 years old, are even smarter, doing better in school and more friends. The oldest loves school, top of the class, hates missing school even if it’s going to Disney world, loves reading and the library. Do all kids need to go to private school? I guess if they need discipline or want to go Ivy League. I would feel it’s a failure if they don‘t go Ivy if they went private with all that cost. The parents can afford private but I don’t think any are thinking about it unless there are problems. Yes, the kids could be in more demanding Curriculum but don’t know if private is any different, more importantly is their friendships and learning social skills.

It seems like everybody wants their kids to go private.

 

[jaydogsmooth1]

Are we going overboard with private schools? I know there are some benefits going to private school, probably less bullying, networking, stricter environment and religious reasons. However, all my siblings and I went to public school in the 60’s and 70’s, no pre school and didn’t know my alphabets and numbers going into kindergarten. We all went to college and did well financially. The next generation went to pre school was ahead knowing alphabets and numbers before kindergarten. They almost all went to Rutgers and all are doing better than the parents. The next group, 2-10 years old, are even smarter, doing better in school and more friends. The oldest loves school, top of the class, hates missing school even if it’s going to Disney world, loves reading and the library. Do all kids need to go to private school? I guess if they need discipline or want to go Ivy League. I would feel it’s a failure if they don‘t go Ivy if they went private with all that cost. The parents can afford private but I don’t think any are thinking about it unless there are problems. Yes, the kids could be in more demanding Curriculum but don’t know if private is any different, more importantly is their friendships and learning social skills.

We're doing parchioral mainly for the religious aspect
There's certain things we don't like about public school, just like I'm sure there's things we won't love about catholic school as well

In regard to private school, if I made Wall Street type money, we'd be doing that instead of catholic school
Plenty of people have made a nice life going to public schools; my wife and I are both public school educated, and we do fairly well (not super rich, but not sleeping on street corners)

When you go to a top private school (Delby, PDS, Peddie), it puts you a step ahead. in some cases, a rather large step.
Even when you go to an all boys or girls school (CBA, St. Joe's Metchuen, Kent Place, Oak Knoll, etc.), those alumni networks are invalueable

If we had a son, he'd definitely be going to CBA
You get the religous aspect along w/solid academics and the great alumni network

 

[NotInRHouse]

Far better is relative; might be better academically, but there's other issues in those schools that aren't appealing; and although Catholic school isn't by any means drama free, it provides what we'd be looking for that the public schools don't

Any child w/special needs typically stays w/the public school route as they're noted for being better in that aspect and in some cases, those programs aren't even offered in the parochial schools

Conversely, the true privates (ones mentioned here, and others like Peddie, PDS, etc.) have far superior education than the parchioral schools - but I'd prefer not to spend that sticker price if possible

I'm willing to give up part of the education factor for the other things we favor w/catholic school (Religion aspect primarily, but others as well)

I went to middle school with a bunch of buddies who went to catholic high school; the girls and guys were far from choir boys there, but I always personally liked the accountability aspect, as well as the structure, uniforms and religion portion that they offered there.

I went to public school k-12 and throughout college as did my wife, so for us, this is brand new territory

Any issue in any Monmouth County school is the same. And that goes from Rumson to Keansburg. If you're going to fall into the wrong crowd you're going to do it any.

I graduated RU during GS 1.0 and there are people in my HS class that have unfortunately succumbed to the issues they had in HS. And there are also many Ivy League grads who are tremendously successful. That is just what happens in a lot of places and IMO it's very stark there.

 

[jaydogsmooth1]

Any issue in any Monmouth County school is the same. And that goes from Rumson to Keansburg. If you're going to fall into the wrong crowd you're going to do it any.

I graduated RU during GS 1.0 and there are people in my HS class that have unfortunately succumbed to the issues they had in HS. And there are also many Ivy League grads who are tremendously successful. That is just what happens in a lot of places and IMO it's very stark there.

I agree that kids are typically going to do one thing or another regardless of where they're at; it's up to the parents to guide the child and keep them on the straight path.

Re. the religious aspect of the parchiorals, that is our main incentive. Church once/week and prayers every night are good, but we'd prefer our daughter to have religon in an every day setting if possible

 

[NotInRHouse]

It certainly makes more sense if you live in a town with a good school system. Not all towns are that fortunate even in NJ.

The overwhelming majority of public HS in Monmouth County absolutely crush the local Catholic high schools in every metric.

Comparing a school like RBC or SJV to Howell HS is probably unfair, never mind to compare them to Holmdel. People move to that area for the schools. We're not comparing SPP to Dickinson here.

 

[NotInRHouse]

I agree that kids are typically going to do one thing or another regardless of where they're at; it's up to the parents to guide the child and keep them on the straight path.

Re. the religious aspect of the parchiorals, that is our main incentive. Church once/week and prayers every night are good, but we'd prefer our daughter to have religon in an every day setting if possible

I went to a public HS. There were not only religious clubs but a number of religious students of every religion. They had plenty of that after hours and on the weekend. And they were much better prepared for college relative to many of the people I know that went to religious schools K-12.

 

[NotInRHouse]

Are we going overboard with private schools? I know there are some benefits going to private school, probably less bullying, networking, stricter environment and religious reasons. However, all my siblings and I went to public school in the 60’s and 70’s, no pre school and didn’t know my alphabets and numbers going into kindergarten. We all went to college and did well financially. The next generation went to pre school was ahead knowing alphabets and numbers before kindergarten. They almost all went to Rutgers and all are doing better than the parents. The next group, 2-10 years old, are even smarter, doing better in school and more friends. The oldest loves school, top of the class, hates missing school even if it’s going to Disney world, loves reading and the library. Do all kids need to go to private school? I guess if they need discipline or want to go Ivy League. I would feel it’s a failure if they don‘t go Ivy if they went private with all that cost. The parents can afford private but I don’t think any are thinking about it unless there are problems. Yes, the kids could be in more demanding Curriculum but don’t know if private is any different, more importantly is their friendships and learning social skills.

It seems like everybody wants their kids to go private.

Everyone with a minority worldview on this board and those who promote it in the media?

Many public high schools in NJ are overcrowded. And a townhouse in Monmouth County isn't 700k+ so you can get close to Bruce Springsteen historical sites.

 

[NotInRHouse]

I am not Catholic, but I agree with those who say "as soon as possible." That will give your daughter as much immersion as possible in the environment you want. I don't want to spend your money, but I don't think you should let financial considerations get in the way of that. The only counterargument -- and I think you should consider this carefully -- is whether moving your daughter there now would cause a lot of disruption and make her very unhappy. The last thing you want is to have a child who is unhappy and upset at her parents.

Just so you know . . . I base this on what I hear from Jewish parents who have put their children in Jewish day school.

Nearly everyone I knew from religious day school at RU didn't qualify for Expos 101....which probably 95%+ of Rutgers College students did at that time. That is what first raised significant alarm bells for me on the quality of religious education. Meanwhile I was the minority that skipped it via AP English in my public HS...

 

[jaydogsmooth1]

I went to a public HS. There were not only religious clubs but a number of religious students of every religion. They had plenty of that after hours and on the weekend. And they were much better prepared for college relative to many of the people I know that went to religious schools K-12.

So did I
It was secular as hell

Sure there were religious clubs, but it doesn't feed the soul like a true religious school would
Never mind all of the other stuff currently going on there that wasn't around 25 years ago

Having only 1 child, we are able to focus our attention soley on her
Hence, willing to sacrifice a bit of the academic prowess of the publics in exchange for religious aspect of a catholic institution

I look at it as you can't put a price tag on one's soul
Meaning, especially in this current climate we all reside in, it's imperative to get the kid right w/God at a young age, regardless of the sacrifice

 

[Plum Street]

There are definitely less Catholic schools to choose from nowadays.

 

[jaydogsmooth1]

There are definitely less Catholic schools to choose from nowadays.

They're closing at a high rate
Just like the churches

 

[T2Kplus20]

As a 20+ year public school teacher, I would move on from the old school this coming September.

My reasons: Gives her more time to find friendships with her new peers. If she stays, it makes it harder for her to let go and transition away from her old friends. Gives her time to acclimate to a new curriculum and methodology before school gets serious in middle school. Not to mention the hormones kick in worse than they already exist.

Honestly, if your mind is set, there's no reason to wait around. Only reason I would stay is if it's a budget breaker.

All children deserve a private school education. :)

 

[Plum Street]

They're closing at a high rate
Just like the churches

Yep . I am sure you did your research and sending the kid to a pretty solid school that is not in danger of closing.

 

[Plum Street]

School uniform . There can be benefit to this as the kid is required to wear this to school. Especially in those middle school years.

 

[T2Kplus20]

They're closing at a high rate
Just like the churches

Sorry, I owe you a DM. Look for it later today.

 

[T2Kplus20]

Don't fall for the left propaganda on "sacrificing academic prowess of publics for religious aspect of a catholic/other denomination institution".

Private schools have a much better record of getting kids into top universities. The data is clear. Not sure about diocese based parochial schools, but their track record is more mixed. Just got to do your own research.

 

[knightfan7]

My oldest switched to a catholic school in 9th grade. It was tough on him in the beginning getting used to the long bus ride (Flanders to Sparta) and not knowing more than a couple kids. His saving grace was playing 2 sports where he was able to make a new group of friends that eventually filled the void to a degree.

 

[rufamily]

That's my wife's train of thought as well (she teaches 3rd grade and says it really doesn't matter as long as it's before middle school that the switch happens)

It would save us some money, and is more convenient as the school she attends now is 2 minutes from home, and the one for the next presumedly two years is 1 minute from home

I'm just thinking it might be a tad easier for her from a social standpoint as I recall kids moving into the district when I was in 6th grade and they had to make new friends on the fly, while the rest of us already had our buddies from grammar school

If it is just a school issue I would leave next year but, if it has to do with economics I would say wait as the social difference between 5th and 6th grade is not that much. Is there bussing for the new school or do you have to get your child there and back? Some schools provide bussing for a fee.

 

[rufamily]

Why do you need non-public opinions in NJ ? I thought their schools were so good, #2 in the country behind MA we’re told. And this is Monmouth County not exactly Patterson

I would imagine it is a choice.

 

[ruinac]

As I previously wrote, I attended parochial school grades 1-12. I knew then, and know today, families that had some of their kids in public and other of their kids in parochial/private. I even had a classmate in parochial HS whose identical twin brother was in the public HS.

Some kids are best suited to parochial/private, others to public. The kids and their parents usually make the right decision for themselves.

 

[jaydogsmooth1]

If it is just a school issue I would leave next year but, if it has to do with economics I would say wait as the social difference between 5th and 6th grade is not that much. Is there bussing for the new school or do you have to get your child there and back? Some schools provide bussing for a fee.

The schools are fine right now, it's more anticipating what the future holds, hormones, lack of discipline & accountability, and most importantly the religious aspect

New school next year and year after for 4th and 5th grade, then middle school is 6-8

There's bussing - which is also tricky with leaving a 9 year old home alone if we're at work (vs. she'll be 11 in 5th grade), and the after care option doesn't really work b'c neither of us work close to the school

 

[jaydogsmooth1]

I would imagine it is a choice.

It's a choice, we live in a nice town in Monmouth County, which kind of sucks we'll be doing this b/c a large initial reason we moved into the town 12 years ago was b/c of the schools

 

[RU848789]

I agree that kids are typically going to do one thing or another regardless of where they're at; it's up to the parents to guide the child and keep them on the straight path.

Re. the religious aspect of the parchiorals, that is our main incentive. Church once/week and prayers every night are good, but we'd prefer our daughter to have religon in an every day setting if possible

Question for you. While I'm not religious, obviously you are, so perhaps I'm missing something here. Is there any way your daughter could get frequent/daily religious instruction either at home or elsewhere that is of comparable quality as what one might get in a school? You might then be able to meet your religious goals for her outside of school, which might then allow you to send her to a top public school and get at least as good of an education - while saving you $15K or more.

 

[Plum Street]

Question for you. While I'm not religious, obviously you are, so perhaps I'm missing something here. Is there any way your daughter could get frequent/daily religious instruction either at home or elsewhere that is of comparable quality as what one might get in a school? You might then be able to meet your religious goals for her outside of school, which might then allow you to send her to a top public school and get at least as good of an education - while saving you $15K or more.

Is Catholic elementary school really 15k nowadays ? My guess it’s gonna be about 10k per year all in …uniforms , fundraising etc. just a guess

I am also gonna guess the normal ccd wouldn’t cut it in the OPs case. Hard to get comparable instruction as there just wouldn’t be enough time to duplicate the daily , repetitive instruction like starting science class with the Hail Mary.

But obviously he would know .

 

[tom1944]

The schools are fine right now, it's more anticipating what the future holds, hormones, lack of discipline & accountability, and most importantly the religious aspect

New school next year and year after for 4th and 5th grade, then middle school is 6-8

There's bussing - which is also tricky with leaving a 9 year old home alone if we're at work (vs. she'll be 11 in 5th grade), and the after care option doesn't really work b'c neither of us work close to the school

At what age are kids generally being home by themselves after school?

 

[jaydogsmooth1]

Question for you. While I'm not religious, obviously you are, so perhaps I'm missing something here. Is there any way your daughter could get frequent/daily religious instruction either at home or elsewhere that is of comparable quality as what one might get in a school? You might then be able to meet your religious goals for her outside of school, which might then allow you to send her to a top public school and get at least as good of an education - while saving you $15K or more.

That's the million dollar question we're struggling with
We're tying to do that right now, but feel the older she gets, the tougher it's going to be

Kids tend to get very individualistic the older they get, wanting to carve their own path
I'd rather have a child doing that then one I have to kick in the pants, but feel it's better suited to have her experience that in the Catholic school setting