What you described is not right. But it’s very hard for me to reconcile your comments with my childhood experience. Plenty of NJ towns have Orthodox Jews who have successfully integrated in the respective communities. Im guessing these are different from the Hasidic who are in Lakewood. Teaneck for instance has a Muslim Mayor and significant Jewish population.
Here is a post from an orthodox on Reddit, describing where they locate.
Hey, modern orthodox jew here, I can list all of the main ones in tiers:
Large communities: Teaneck/Bergenfield, Deal/Oakhurst, Lakewood area, Highland Park/Edison, Passaic/Clifton
Mid sized: Fair lawn, Englewood, Linden, West Orange/Livingston, Elizabeth
Small Communities: Springfield, Hillside, Tenafly, Cherry Hill
There some others that are super small.
Some notes about the large communities - Teaneck and Highland Park is mostly modern orthodox, Deal is Syrian Jews, and Passaic is like an in between of Teaneck and Lakewood. Teaneck I think has the most kosher restaurants per square mile of any town in the country. Lmk if any questions. There's also some websites that can show all this info and more, but I don't really feel comfortable sharing them on reddit.