Would you please stop talking about yourself?
Oh, absolutely. As of this moment, I'll never talk about myself again. Not even once. I swear it.
Because it matters deeply, to me, what you think. I wake up every day and my first thought is, how can I comport myself in such a way that my behavior meets with Eagleton96's approval. I lose sleep each night, knowing that I've probably posted something online that falls short of your expectations.
When I was but a wee lad, I would dream that, one day, a hero would appear in my life. Someone who would reach out and decide for me how and what I should contribute to the internet. So, really, your post has been a life-long dream come true for me. I can't imagine letting you down in any way.
To be perfectly honest, I really don't know how I'll sleep tonight, knowing that I haven't lived up to the goals you've established for my life. I'm practically beside myself, wracked with guilt, and more than a little grief, that I've broken your, to-date unspoken, rules for my behavior.
Alas, I lack discipline and I know that, despite my every intention to strictly adhere to your guidelines forever, I may, occasionally, slip up and use an "I" or a "me" in my posts. But please, please, please, please, whatever you do, please do NOT put me ignore when I make that rare mistake and talk about myself. Know that with my every waking breath, I shall endeavor to be the kind of internet forum poster that you want me to be.
I just couldn't possibly live without knowing you're out there somewhere, hanging on my every post. What would my life be if you, my hero, isn't reading my every word and critiquing it? So don't put me on ignore even when I slip-up and talk about my thoughts, or my opinions, or my standards, or my sex life, or the color of my poop, or all that other stuff that's entirely all about me.
In conclusion, please accept my my sincere apologies for my posts, and allow to express my heartfelt gratitude for your truly thoughtful and heroic post. We all need that person in our lives that tells us what we need to hear. And you are that person for me.
Thanks again and never stop policing my posts.
P.S. Point of clarification. I get that I'm not allowed to talk about myself at all and I shall rigorously adhere to that rule. But does that rule also apply to mildone talking about himself in the third person? Like, what if mildone has multiple personality disorder and he talks about himself in the third person? Seems like mildone doing that wouldn't really be talking about himself; he'd be talking about me, which would be okay.