OT: Teenage party with police, any lawyers out there?
- Thread starter newell138
- Start date
Different kids mature at different rates. If someone's kid is drinking and isn't mature enough to handle it, that's on the parents for (a) raising an immature kid and (b) raising a kid that goes out and drinks when they know their parent's don't approve of it. I'm not your kid's babysitter after they're HS age.
I don't think parents are doing their kids any favors by treating their HS age kids like fragile babies that can't be responsible for their own actions. My HS age kid goes and does something wrong, I'm not about to blame some other parents for it. It's on my kid and on me.
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I am talking about the parents hosting the party being responsible for what goes on in their house.....not the parents of the guests being responsible in this particular situation
I understand your point about having your own child ready for the real world and real world situations, but you still can't feed other kids booze, or standby watching them consume their own in your house
the other kids then become your responsibility, and liability
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If I am in your shoes I call a lawyer, preferably one who is local and knows folks in the PD. I would want to know two things, should she do the community service and hope this is the end of it... Or should the lawyer make a phone call on your daughters behalf. Since she is over 18, I'd focus on keeping her record as clean as possible.
If she can make it go away by doing community service, then she is getting off easy. Ignoring things tends to make bad situations worse.
If she can make it go away by doing community service, then she is getting off easy. Ignoring things tends to make bad situations worse.
Probably one of the buzzkills on this board saw people having fun and decided to put a stop to it.
I think the legal age for an adult should be 21. If you are going to be considered an adult, you should get all the privileges and responsibilities that being an adult brings. An 18 year old can vote, go to war, drive a car and be charged as an adult, but they can't drink or gamble. Either give all the privileges at 18 or move the legal age to 21
This is a small town (Ocean City, NJ) everyone knows everyone. The party was actually very quiet but another kid who wasn't invited called the cops to let them know. There is nothing for the cops to do here in the winter. There was about 30 kids at the party and when I got there I counted 5 police cars. I'll call the officer this morning and see what he has to say.
Unless you're friends with the cop, I'd call a lawyer first. Your daughter is over 18 and therefore different rules may apply to her. The cop may have made a mistake, believing your daughter to be under 18. You don't want to call the cop, point out the mistake, and put your daughter in a worse situation.
Do you not remember the fiasco at the party in Wayne leading up to the state playoffs. Those parents were home as well. Just because their is "adult" supervision doesn't mean things can't get out of hound. On a side note, Wayne had to pay one of those kids like 60k
We actually aren't far apart the only difference is I believe you just obey the law whether you agree or not.
Many towns have municipal laws against underage drinking in New Jersey. I would take the advice of others and call a lawyer. His daughter could be charged with possession for just being in the house. Blowing the police off is not a good idea. They will most likely proceed with the case and then you get stuck with dealing with that. Let an attorney negotiate with you if your not comfortable. If you can agree to community service instead of formal charges it a huge victory.
4-1.6 Underage Consumption/Possession on Private Property.
a. Prohibited Activity. It shall be unlawful for any person under the legal age, without legal authority, to knowingly possess or knowingly consume an alcoholic beverage on private property, except as provided for in paragraph d., below;
b. Penalty. Any person violating the provisions of this subsection shall, in accordance with provisions of N.J.S.A. 40:48-1 as amended, be punishable by a fine not to exceed two hundred fifty ($250.00) dollars for the first offense and not to exceed three hundred fifty ($350.00) dollars for any subsequent offense.
c. Additional Penalties.
1. In addition to the fine authorized for this offense, the Court may suspend or postpone for six (6) months the driving privilege of the defendant. Upon the conviction of any person and the suspension or postponement of that person's driver's license, the Court shall forward a report to the Division of Motor Vehicles stating the first and last day of the suspension or postponement period imposed by the Court pursuant to N.J.S.A. 40:48-1 as amended. If a person at the time of the imposition of sentence is less than seventeen (17) years of age, the period of license postponement, including a suspension or postponement of the privilege of operating a motorized bicycle, shall commence on the day the sentence is imposed and shall run for a period of six (6) months after the person reaches the age of seventeen (17) years.
2. If a person at the time of the imposition of a sentence has a valid driver's license issued by this State, the Court shall immediately collect the license and forward it to the Division of Motor Vehicles along with the report. If for any reason the license cannot be collected, the Court shall include in the report the complete name, address, date of birth, eye color, and sex of the person, as well as the first and last date of the license suspension period imposed by the Court.
3. The Court shall inform the person orally and in writing that if the person is convicted of operating a motor vehicle during the period of the license suspension or postponement, the person shall be subject to the penalties set forth in R.S. 39:3-40. A person shall be required to acknowledge receipt of the written notice in writing. Failure to receive a written notice or failure to acknowledge in writing the receipt of written notice shall not be a defense to a subsequent charge of a violation of R.S. 39:3-40.
4. If a person convicted under this subsection is not a New Jersey resident, the Court shall suspend or postpone, as appropriate, the nonresident driving privilege of the person based on the age of the person and submit it to the Division of Motor Vehicles on the required report. The Court shall not collect the license of a nonresident convicted under this subsection. Upon receipt of a report from the Court, the Division of Motor Vehicles shall notify the appropriate officials in the licensing jurisdiction of the suspension or postponement.
d. Exceptions.
1. Nothing contained in this subsection is intended, nor shall it be construed, as prohibiting an underaged person from consuming or possessing an alcoholic beverage in connection with a religious observance, ceremony or rite, or consuming or possessing an alcoholic beverage in the presence of and with the permission of a parent, guardian or relative who has attained the legal age to purchase and consume alcoholic beverages.
2. As used in the preceding paragraph, the following terms shall have the meaning set forth:
Guardian shall mean a person who has qualified as a guardian of the underaged person pursuant to testamentary or court appointment.
Relative shall mean the underaged person's grandparent, aunt or uncle, sibling, or any other person related by blood or affinity.
3. Nothing contained in this subsection is intended nor shall it be construed as prohibiting possession of alcoholic beverages by any such person while actually engaged in the performance of employment by a person who is licensed under Title 33 of the Revised Statutes, or while actively engaged in the preparation of food while enrolled in a culinary arts or hotel management program at a county vocational school or post-secondary educational institution; provided, however, that this subsection shall not be construed to preclude the imposition of a penalty under this subsection, R.S. 33:1-81, or any other section of law against a person who is convicted of unlawful alcoholic beverage activity on or at premises licensed for the sale of alcoholic beverages.
(Ord. #00-22, §§ 1–4)
She's a minor in the eyes of the law, which is the topic of the thread. The police, I'm guessing, don't give the tiniest consideration to what mildone on the Rutgers Football board thinks the drinking age should be.
Real bad advise. 18 is an adult that is below the legal drinking age.
My business partner has a friend who has a son sitting in jail. When he was 18, his roommate was dealing and got caught selling to a cop in the apartment. Kid was sitting there, not his pot or deal and got arrested and charged with being an accessory. (He did get stoned in front of cop and did discuss deal as it went down).
Bottom line is 18 is an adult and as such you can be an accessory if the law is broken.
Anyone under 21 is a minor when it comes to alcohol laws. It's not that hard to figure out.
https://alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.gov/Furnishing_Alcohol_to_Minors.html
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Which goes to show that what seems to be an orderly and well mannered party can turn out not so well later on in the evening..... I have had problems with drunk and disorderly college students at a game that were probably still under 21, and still not ready to drink in public, or alone for that matter.
Those that think it is ok for high school kids have to consider things can go wrong, which is why I would not host said party.....
I'd fight tooth and nail to keep anything from going on your daughter's record. If that means hiring lawyers, then so be it. Here's an opportunity to show her that 1.) in life you must be a fighter and 2.) family will always be family through thick and thin.
And then I'd make her do voluntary community service twice as long as whatever the Police are outlaying to remind her that 1.) although she may be technically an adult, you are her still her father and 2.) in life you must deal with consequences, so always weigh them out carefully.
I know it's hard as heck being a parent so whatever you do don't worry about dissenting opinions. Just do what you think is best for your family given the information you have at hand.
And remember -- it's hard growing up too.
Good luck!
And then I'd make her do voluntary community service twice as long as whatever the Police are outlaying to remind her that 1.) although she may be technically an adult, you are her still her father and 2.) in life you must deal with consequences, so always weigh them out carefully.
I know it's hard as heck being a parent so whatever you do don't worry about dissenting opinions. Just do what you think is best for your family given the information you have at hand.
And remember -- it's hard growing up too.
Good luck!
I think it should be 16. We let kids, in many places in this country, operate a 2 ton vehicle on public roads at age 16. The age of consent in many places (like NJ) is 16. How is that any less problematic than letting a kid decide to not become inebriated?
I think we have this all wrong. The problem isn't that kids aren't capable of maturing faster than helicopter parents think; it's that parents don't give their kids enough responsibility at a young enough age so the kids often never grow up at all.
I'll put it another way, show me a kid that, at age 16, isn't capable of behaving maturely when needed and I'll show you a kid that isn't going to be substantially better at age 21. That kid is slow to mature period and there's nothing magical about age 18, or age 21 that make a kid suddenly more mature.
Only kid that did anything wrong was the one that called the cops. If that was my kid, he'd be grounded for life.
Understood. And that's fair. Actually, drinking is probably the one area where I didn't insist that my kids adhere to the law, even when the law might be stupid. I wanted my kids to get used to the idea of drinking responsibly before going off to college.
And for the record, despite my rants on the subject, I wouldn't have let HS kids, other than my own, drink in my house unless their parents were there and approved or I already knew they approved. I just hate how children are being babied so much in this country these days.
I do let my kid's college age friends drink here though. I just collect and hold everyone's car keys.
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You are mixing apples with oranges. The Age of Majority in New Jersey is 18. She is an adult, not a minor. As an 18 year old, she is a minor with respect to consuming alcohol, but that is not what is in question. What is in question is as an adult (which she is), she had any potential legal concerns with respect to facilitating the distribution of alcohol to minors.
If I follow your logic, you would agree that if an 18 year old had sex with a person below the age of consent then they would have committed a crime. If an 18 year old committed a felony they would be tried as an adult 100% of the time. If an 18 year old gave pot to a minor they would be treated as an adult but if an 18 year old serves alcohol to a minor that is ok because the 18 year old is not old enough to drink.
Again - bad advice.
I'm not giving advice. I'm just commenting on mildone's post that the drinking age should be 18 (which I agree with, by the way. You're either an adult at 18 with all the privileges and responsibilities, or the same at 21. Let's pick one). Your argument is semantics. There's an awkward duality due to the drinking age being different than the "age of majority" where one can be both an adult and a minor (anyone who is 18-20 years old).
And I'm not sure how you came to that conclusion. An 18 year old buying alcohol is always illegal. An 18 year old drinking alcohol is, with some exceptions (none of which would cover your scenario), illegal. Providing alcohol to someone under the age of 21 is, with some exceptions (none of which would cover your scenario), illegal.
Update: The officer called and told me all of the kids involved are being charged with noise violations and being at a party w/ alcohol while underage. The parents said they had no knowledge, which is fine with me, what else are they going to say? They have to protect themselves. The charges will be dropped provided they do 4 hours of community service.
I argued the point that she was not drinking and there was an adult there but honestly its not worth hiring a lawyer or dealing with it. A little community service can't hurt anyone.
I argued the point that she was not drinking and there was an adult there but honestly its not worth hiring a lawyer or dealing with it. A little community service can't hurt anyone.
Mrs. Newell?
Most people don't have anything constructive to add. Never let that stop you from making stuff up though, if it: (a) pushes people's buttons, (b) is potentially funny, (c) gets people arguing with each other, or (d) is otherwise entertaining.
Edit: I'm not so sure, though, that complimenting people on their wisdom and temperament is actually permitted on this board. I think we're supposed to stick to ad-hominem attacks and insults.
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A little duct tape timeout could be in order too. That's where you duct tape the kids to the ceiling. The amount of duct tape you use dictates the length of the timeout. Gravity takes care of the rest. Best part is that, because of the way the lesson ends, there's really no need to have one final painful post-punishment discussion with the kid.
My kids are very well behaved.
That's even more annoying to me. The school system should stick to teaching academics and athletics. None of their business what my kid does outside school.
Yet another example of how we're creating an environment in which our children are raised as veal. Uneffingbelievable.
I got pissed off when my 18 year old kids weren't allowed to write their own excuses for being late or being out sick. WTF?
no, but the coach has the authority to suspend a kid if he breaks team rules, like drinking.
Towns need new and more revenue streams, especially suburban towns that don't get much state aid, and has little violent crime, but very expensive police forces that turn over every 20 years or less.
I would hope that, it being a small town, everyone knows who that kid is and makes their life a living hell.
In nearly every Western Country- except the US- the drinking age is 16 or 18 or 19. And all of those countries have fewer alcohol related deaths and problems.
These laws are an excuse to keep police departments in places like Ocean City, NJ going with all of us paying six figure salaries and benefit packages.
Instances like this are why NJ does not have money and other countries can fix roads and bridges. 5 cops cars! And some clown is paid to call parents to talk about this?
One day one state will be corageous and make the calculation that lowering the drinking age to 18 will get more revenue that the federal highway funds, it will save lives and save money and is just the right course.
These laws are an excuse to keep police departments in places like Ocean City, NJ going with all of us paying six figure salaries and benefit packages.
Instances like this are why NJ does not have money and other countries can fix roads and bridges. 5 cops cars! And some clown is paid to call parents to talk about this?
One day one state will be corageous and make the calculation that lowering the drinking age to 18 will get more revenue that the federal highway funds, it will save lives and save money and is just the right course.
I wouldn't wish that on the kid. At the same time, it's fairly easy to deduce why they weren't invited.
In my town there is a mechanism where the prosecutor does not file charges and the accused goes in front of a community board which generally recommends some task which makes things go away. I know of a kid who was under 18 and caught drinking and went through this . He was told to go to a couple of AA meetings and report back. He did, case closed, no record.
Maybe that's the community service angle.
Maybe that's the community service angle.
I'm all for cops and firemen in towns like NYC or Newark or Camden getting paid well because its dangerous. In our quiet little town of shore homes with a non summer population of about 15,000 there are almost 100 cops and fireman making over 90K per year.
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