OT: One Line Jokes
- Thread starter zappaa
- Start date
A wife goes out and buys herself a pair of crotch-less panties to surprise her husband. Later that night he walks into the bedroom and she spreads her legs and say's in her sexy voice asks him "Do you want some of this?" He say's "Hell no! Look what it did to your underwear!"
I have a knock-knockjoke for everyone...
I have a knock-knock joke for everyone...
"You Say Knock-Knock"
"Knock-Knock"
"Who's there?"
I have a knock-knock joke for everyone...
"You Say Knock-Knock"
"Knock-Knock"
"Who's there?"
A guy is on his honeymoon with his recently wedded wife..he decides to get up early and go for a run on the beach.
He's all alone running on the beach and he comes across a woman laying on the beach with no arms and no legs. The woman says, "Sir, you're really handsome...and look at me. A woman like myself never gets hugged. All I'd like is a hug. Can you hug me?" The guy feels bad, so he picks her up and he hugs her.
He puts her down and she says, "That was great, but now how about a kiss" . The guy says, "Sorry, but I have a wife who's here with me on my honeymoon. I can't do that." The woman says, "Don't worry about your wife right now. Look at me. A woman like myself never gets kissed. Be a nice guy. Can you please kiss me?" He feels bad, so he gives her a peck on the cheek.
He backs away to conclude his run on the beach, and she says, "Last favor. How about a quick (screw) (I'll keep the language appropriate).
The guy says, "What? I told you I have a wife. I won't do that." The woman once again says, "Don't worry about your wife. She's not here right now. Look at me. A woman like myself never gets (screwed). Can you please (screw) me. We're all alone, no one will ever know"
The guy looks around and realizes they really are all alone, so he says, "OK. Sure."
So he picks her up, throws her in the ocean, and says, "now your (screwed), b**ch," and continues his jog.
This post was edited on 6/2 8:56 PM by mikemarc1
He's all alone running on the beach and he comes across a woman laying on the beach with no arms and no legs. The woman says, "Sir, you're really handsome...and look at me. A woman like myself never gets hugged. All I'd like is a hug. Can you hug me?" The guy feels bad, so he picks her up and he hugs her.
He puts her down and she says, "That was great, but now how about a kiss" . The guy says, "Sorry, but I have a wife who's here with me on my honeymoon. I can't do that." The woman says, "Don't worry about your wife right now. Look at me. A woman like myself never gets kissed. Be a nice guy. Can you please kiss me?" He feels bad, so he gives her a peck on the cheek.
He backs away to conclude his run on the beach, and she says, "Last favor. How about a quick (screw) (I'll keep the language appropriate).
The guy says, "What? I told you I have a wife. I won't do that." The woman once again says, "Don't worry about your wife. She's not here right now. Look at me. A woman like myself never gets (screwed). Can you please (screw) me. We're all alone, no one will ever know"
The guy looks around and realizes they really are all alone, so he says, "OK. Sure."
So he picks her up, throws her in the ocean, and says, "now your (screwed), b**ch," and continues his jog.
This post was edited on 6/2 8:56 PM by mikemarc1
A ship captain sees that his ship is about to be attacked by pirates. He calls to his first mate. "Bring me my red shirt. If I am wounded, I do not want the men to see me bleed." He and his crew proceed to win the battle. However, the next day he sees that his ship is about to be attacked by FIVE pirate ships. So he calls, "Mate, bring me my brown pants...".
What do you call an American woman with no arms but one leg? - Eileen
What do you call an Asian woman with the same? - Irene
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs underneath your car? - Axel
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing - she's been told twice already.
A guy comes home one day from his restaurant job stressed as can be. His wife asks what's wrong, he replies "honey, I'm embarrassed to say this, but at work I keep getting an incredible urge to stick my d**k in the pickle slicer". The next day it's the same thing, "honey, I know it's crazy but I can't help but want to stick my d**k in the pickle slicer". Finally the next day he comes home early, "well, I did it. I stuck my d**k in the pickle slicer. Right there in the back room, and needless to say I got caught and I got fired". After a while the wife calms down and asks her husband "just out of curiosity, what did they do to the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, she got fired too,"
"Oh, she got fired too,"
Whats the difference between a rooster and a whore?
One says cock-a-doodle-do... the other says any-cockl-do.
One says cock-a-doodle-do... the other says any-cockl-do.
What the difference between a girl in church and a girl in the bathtub.
One has hope in her soul....
One has hope in her soul....
Before the Belmont Stakes, the owners of California Chrome gave the jockey explicit instructions on where they wanted him to be in every segment of the race, culminating of course in a five-length victory. After the race, the owners were furious. "We gave you such detailed instructions, why didn't you follow them".
The jockey responded, "I thought about it, but then I remembered it's against the rules to leave the horse behind".
The jockey responded, "I thought about it, but then I remembered it's against the rules to leave the horse behind".
So I said to the women with a glass eye............................ Crystal?
So I said the women with a wooden leg.............................Peg?
So I said to the mountain.............Cliff?
So I said to my self...............self?
So I said the women with a wooden leg.............................Peg?
So I said to the mountain.............Cliff?
So I said to my self...............self?
An old man walks into the doctors office and says "doc I've been having problems with my memory and sometimes I can't even remember what I just said".
The doctor says "how long has this been going on"?
Old man says "how long has what been going on"?
This post was edited on 6/11 3:03 PM by RUROCKIN
The doctor says "how long has this been going on"?
Old man says "how long has what been going on"?
This post was edited on 6/11 3:03 PM by RUROCKIN
The next day the same Roman walks into the bar and orders a Martinus. The bartender asks "Don't you mean Martini". The Roman replied, "If I wanted a double I'd have asked for it."
Similar threads
Latest posts
-
-
-
Football GAMEDAY THREAD: Rutgers Football versus Michigan State- Latest: -RUFAN4LIFE-
-
-