OT: One Line Jokes
- Thread starter zappaa
- Start date
A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office with a duck on his head.
The psychiatrist says, "can I help you sir"?
Guy says, "Yeah get this guy out of my ass".
The psychiatrist says, "can I help you sir"?
Guy says, "Yeah get this guy out of my ass".
A guys walks into a psychiatrist's office naked and wrapped in plastic wrap.
The psychiatrist says, sit down sir. I can clearly see your nuts.
A guy walks into the dentists office and sets hey doc, I need your help. I think I'm a moth. The dentists says, sorry bud I'm a dentist, you need a psychiatrist. Why would you ever come in here? The guy says, the light was on.
The psychiatrist says, sit down sir. I can clearly see your nuts.
A guy walks into the dentists office and sets hey doc, I need your help. I think I'm a moth. The dentists says, sorry bud I'm a dentist, you need a psychiatrist. Why would you ever come in here? The guy says, the light was on.
The pilot comes on the overhead and says: "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached our cruising altitude of thirty-seven thousand feet. We should be reaching our destination in three hours." The passengers hear him put down the microphone, then say to the copilot: "Man, I could really use a cup of coffee and a blowjob." Horrified, a stewardess goes rushing up the aisle towards the cockpit. Behind her, a little old lady pipes up: "Oh miss! You forgot the coffee."
An 82 year old man walks into the confessional and says, "Father, my wife passed away 10 years ago and I recently met a gorgeous 29 year old girl. Well, we've been fornicating all over the place. We've been intimate at the beach, on the kitchen table and in the back of a taxi cab. And we've done things to each other I've never heard of before."
The Father says, It's OK child of God. Say an Act of Contrition and five Hail Mary's."
Old man says, "Father I don't even know what that means I'm Jewish."
The Father says, "well sir, why are you telling me this?"
Old Man says, "Father, I'm telling EVERYONE."
The Father says, It's OK child of God. Say an Act of Contrition and five Hail Mary's."
Old man says, "Father I don't even know what that means I'm Jewish."
The Father says, "well sir, why are you telling me this?"
Old Man says, "Father, I'm telling EVERYONE."
Two great friends grow up together, one Catholic and one Jewish. Eventually they grow apart and they become a Priest and a Rabbi respectively.
One day in their adulthood they bump into each other and their friendship is reawakened. They make a deal; at the flip of a coin one or the other has to convert to the opposite religion as a clergyman so they can remain close. The Rabbi looses.
The Priest allows the ex-Rabbi to give the sermon at the church the following Sunday as a gesture of good faith. After the service was over the Priest told the Rabbi that people were very effected by his words and some were even in tears. He went on to say the coffers were overflowing and everyone is raving about the sermon.
The Priest continued, "However next week you may not want to open with, Good Shabbas Goyim."
One day in their adulthood they bump into each other and their friendship is reawakened. They make a deal; at the flip of a coin one or the other has to convert to the opposite religion as a clergyman so they can remain close. The Rabbi looses.
The Priest allows the ex-Rabbi to give the sermon at the church the following Sunday as a gesture of good faith. After the service was over the Priest told the Rabbi that people were very effected by his words and some were even in tears. He went on to say the coffers were overflowing and everyone is raving about the sermon.
The Priest continued, "However next week you may not want to open with, Good Shabbas Goyim."
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts cost $ 1.25 and deer nuts are under a buck.
Beer nuts cost $ 1.25 and deer nuts are under a buck.
The older, curmudgeon man was interviewing for a job with a HR rep.
HR: "what is your greatest weakness"?
Man: "I am too honest"
HR: "I don't think being honest is a weakness"
Man: "I don't give a damn what you think"!
HR: "what is your greatest weakness"?
Man: "I am too honest"
HR: "I don't think being honest is a weakness"
Man: "I don't give a damn what you think"!
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