OT: One Line Jokes

[LC-88]

Originally posted by DJ Spanky:
You're not fat, you're just ... easier to see.

You're not fat, you're just ..... too short for your weight.





The number one question that clients ask their lawyers in West Virginia: "If I divorce my wife, is she still my sister?"

What's the definition of a (insert ethnic group here) virgin? A girl that can run faster than her brothers.
This post was edited on 9/2 11:53 PM by LC-88

 

[DJ Spanky]

A dwarf walks under a bar...

 

[RUinSD]

How many average sized runway models can fit in a bathtub?




None, they all go down the drain.

 

[tigerzone]

my wife says, "take me someplace ive never been to before" so i say ok and walk her into the kitchen

 

[DJ Spanky]

Guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are A$$holes" A man at the end of the bar stands up and says, " I object to that remark!" The guy says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the man replies, "No, I'm an A$$hole!"

 

[DJ Spanky]

A dwarf walks under a bar...

 

[DJ Spanky]

I shot my first turkey today. Scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section!

 

[DJ Spanky]

An amnesiac walks into a bar: the bartender asks, "What can I get you today?" The amnesiac says, "I don't know, I have trouble remembering things." The bartender says, "Like what?"

 

[Doctor Worm]

I thought the amnesiac walked into the bar, saw a pretty girl, and asked "Do I come here often?"

 

[DJ Spanky]

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. and a chair.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.

 

[RUROCKIN]

Jerry Sandusky walks into an elementary school as classes are getting out and the teacher asks him "which child is yours?"

He says "I don't care, surprise me."

 

[RUROCKIN]

What did Sergeant Schultz say to Joe Paterno?

"Even I saw That."

 

[ScarletKnightRider]

Originally posted by RUROCKIN:
Jerry Sandusky walks into an elementary school as classes are getting out and the teacher asks him "which child is yours?"

He says "I don't care, surprise me."

killin me

 

[DJ Spanky]

I often say to myself: "I can't believe that cloning machine worked!"

 

[DJ Spanky]

Studies suggest that 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy.

 

[DJ Spanky]

I want to die like my Grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

 

[Stem]

I'll change my Facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts, and I press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this

 

[Stem]

Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

 

[golconda]

What do you call a pig who knows karate?

A Pork Chop!

 

[mkollar]

From Leggett's Sand Bar:


"The best way to describe the difference between involvement and commitment is 'bacon & eggs'. The chicken is involved but the pig is committed. which one are you?"

 

[Rokodesh]

if your wife ever says "take me somewhere expensive", drive her to the gas station

 

[RUBubba]

Originally posted by Rokodesh:
if your wife ever says "take me somewhere expensive", drive her to the gas station

My wife asked me to take her someplace expensive.... I brought her to the church where we got married.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Wow, a month and a half's worth of jokes disappeared!

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a wedding cake.

 

[Just_my_thoughts]

Did you hear about the constipation movie?

It's not out yet.

 

[JMORC2003]

An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar... I only know what they are because they talked about it every two minutes

 

[SkilletHead2]

Polish Customs Official: Name?
German tourist: Walter Schmidt.
Polish Customs Official: Occupation?
German tourist: No, just visiting.

 

[R1776U]

What did James invest in? ..... BONDS!!

 

[NickKnight 1]

Skillet, very funny, after I had to read it a second time.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Don't die a virgin, there's a bunch of Muslims waiting for you up there.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Irish saying: There are only three kinds of men who don't understand women: young men, old men, and middle aged men.

 

[DennisHajekRC84]

.. Secret Service Knock-Knock Joke

"Knock-Knock"

"come in"

 

[R1776U]

man walks through the door.. i hear his hospital bill was quite expensive

 

[DJ Spanky]

What's the difference between a 16" pizza and a musician? A 16" pizza can feed a family of four.

 

[DJ Spanky]

For Christmas, I want Santa's list of naughty girls.

 

[Good-Knight]

I've got a racing snail. He's been getting of to a slow start. I removed his shell, but that has only made him more sluggish.

 

[DJ Spanky]

My girlfriend hates when I make jokes about her weight. She needs to lighten up.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Never iron a four leaf clover. You don't want to press your luck.

 

[RU Husky]

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room.
Soon they hear a knock at the door.
They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."
They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t*ts. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"