OT: One Line Jokes
- Thread starter zappaa
- Start date
Ella goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Hanukkah cards so she asks the cashier, "Can I have 50 Hanukkah stamps?"
The cashier askes, "What denomination?"
Ella says, "Give me twenty Orthodox, twenty Conservative and ten Reform."
The cashier askes, "What denomination?"
Ella says, "Give me twenty Orthodox, twenty Conservative and ten Reform."
What's the difference between a tornado and a redneck divorce?
Either way someone's gonna lose a trailer.
Either way someone's gonna lose a trailer.
My wife texted me the other day while I was out, "windows frozen, won't open" so I texted her back "pour some warm water on them and try again". She texts me back, "did that, and now the computer is REALLY screwed up".
A few days later she texts me "mac isn't working". I text back "Again? Fire him and have Charlie do it".
A few days later she texts me "mac isn't working". I text back "Again? Fire him and have Charlie do it".
PSU, USC, UNC, Miami, ACC...Integrity
Man goes to the doctor and asks for help regarding odorless, soundless gaseous emissions.
The man claims to have had 10 emissions while driving to the office, 5 while sitting in the waiting room and 3 since he entered the doctor's office.
He asks the doctor is there anything he can do?
The doctor says "Yes...maybe medicine. But first you'll need your hearing and olfactory thoroughly tested".
Man goes to the doctor and asks for help regarding odorless, soundless gaseous emissions.
The man claims to have had 10 emissions while driving to the office, 5 while sitting in the waiting room and 3 since he entered the doctor's office.
He asks the doctor is there anything he can do?
The doctor says "Yes...maybe medicine. But first you'll need your hearing and olfactory thoroughly tested".
I was explaining reincarnation to my wife, and that when you die, you come back, but as a different living creature. She says, "ok I get it, when I come back I want to be a cow". I reply "honey, I don't think you understand..."
This post was edited on 1/12 5:54 PM by JMORC2003
This post was edited on 1/12 5:54 PM by JMORC2003
That one was from the old Leslie Nielsen TV series Police Squad. The predecessor to the Naked Gun trilogy.
Definitely not a one liner but pretty good so wanted to share...
An Amish dad and his young son took their first ever trip a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this, Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number. and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
'Go get your Mother.'
This post was edited on 1/19 8:04 PM by JMORC2003
An Amish dad and his young son took their first ever trip a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this, Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number. and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
'Go get your Mother.'
This post was edited on 1/19 8:04 PM by JMORC2003
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