OT: One Line Jokes

[DJ Spanky]

I need a new bank account. This one has run out of money.

 

[RUBubba]

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Who is the most popular girl at that same nudist colony? The one that can eat that last donut...

 

[DJ Spanky]

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off!

 

[LC-88]

Why is there so much chrome on Harleys? So when a part falls off it's easier to find.

 

[LC-88]

What do you call nuts on a wall? Walnuts.
What do you call nuts on a chest? Chestnuts.
What do you call nuts on a chin? A blowjob.

 

[Upstream]

It is not a good idea to say you're willing to give 110% if you're applying for a job as a statistician.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Those of you who think you know it all are damn annoying to those of us who do!

 

[mikemarc1]

What do you call a short psychic that has escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

 

[DJ Spanky]

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

 

[Upstream]

My girlfriend's dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.

 

[beaced]

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off!

True story not funny.When I was in Bombadier Training back in the '40's the Army told one of our guys that he had to submit to a circumcision or get washed out of the program.Don't ask me why.He went along with it and let the ARMY surgeons chop him.They washed him out anyway,after he healed,because"the scar was too deep". SOS.

 

[DJ Spanky]

One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.

 

[DJ Spanky]

It's scary to think that people like you are graduating from college.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said "concentrate"!

 

[DJ Spanky]

If a stranger offers you a piece of candy...take two.

 

[DJ Spanky]

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

 

[hoquat63]

When can you see a "blue moon" - When a Smurf drops his pants.

 

[SJU87]

I was on a plane recently and my wife kept saying 'why don't you get an upgrade, why don't you get an upgrade'. So I did, I got a new wife.

 

[willisneverrana43]

You wouldn't know a classy broad if she took a dump on your head.

(Outside Providence, 1999)

 

[LC-88]

An expert is someone who learns more and more, about less and less, until they know everything about nothing.

 

[LC-88]

SIAP. Last night I walked into a bar. Tonight I ducked.

 

[KingHigh]

The first time I got a universal remote control I thought to myself, "this changes everything."

 

[DJ Spanky]

College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they'll send your kid back.

 

[Plum Street]

Anyone got any new ones?

With summer coming I always say hello to the ocean. It usually “waves” back at me.

 

[RU-Nation]

Yo momma is so fat that Thanos had to snap his fingers twice.

 

[Upstream]

I hate typographical errors. You mix up two letters, and your whole sentence is urined.

 

[tico brown]

Is it wierd how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how wierd it is?

 

[Extra Point]

What goes one way to Hamilton and brings up old threads?
Plum Street. :joy:

 

[RUsince52]

90 year old man sitting at the bar is approached by a sexy young woman who says I'll do anything you want, but it can only be three words.

He replies. - Paint my house !

 

[TODDB33]

More than one line, but funny.

The Sensitive Man



A woman meets a man in a bar.



They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together..



They get back to his place,



And as he shows her around his apartment.



She notices that one wall of his bedroom is

completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.



There are three shelves in the bedroom,



With hundreds and hundreds of cute,

Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed



In rows, covering the entire wall!



It was obvious that he had taken

Quite some time to lovingly arrange them



And she was immediately touched



By the amount of thought he had

Put into organizing the display.



There were small bears all along

The bottom shelf,

Medium-sized bears covering the

Length of the middle shelf,



And huge, enormous bears running

All the way along the top shelf.



She found it strange for an

Obviously masculine guy



To have such a large collection of

Teddy Bears.




She is quite impressed by his

Sensitive side.



But doesn't mention this to him.



They share a bottle of wine and

Continue talking and,



After awhile, she finds herself

Thinking,




'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy

Could be the one!



Maybe he could be the future

Father of my children?'



She turns to him and kisses him

Lightly on the lips



He responds warmly



They continue to kiss, the passion builds,



And he romantically lifts her in

His arms and carries her into his bedroom



Where they rip off each other's

Clothes and make hot, steamy love.



She is so overwhelmed that she

Responds with more passion,



More creativity, more heat than she

Has ever known.



After an intense, explosive night

Of raw passion with this sensitive guy,



They are lying there together in

The afterglow.




The woman rolls over, gently

Strokes his chest and asks coyly,



'Well, how was it?'



The guy gently smiles at her,



Strokes her cheek,




Looks deeply into her eyes,



And says...........



'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.'

Now that was funny and worth the read

 

[RutHut]

I walked into a brothel with a honeycomb and a jackass.

 

[RUfromSoCal?]

an irishman walks by a bar

 

[tico brown]

The New York Mets owners Fred and Jeff Wilpon.

 

[Antnee79]

A dyslexic man walked into a bra. . .

 

[Knight Shift]

Nobody nose what Artie Lange is going through.

 

[ruready4somefootball]

This has to be the longest running thread ever

My Beer thread is up to over 31,000 views, and 37 pages.

 

[RUScrew85]

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

So they can stand closer to the sink.





Why is a watch never a good gift idea for a woman?

There's a clock on the stove!

 

[Upstream]

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

So they can stand closer to the sink.





Why is a watch never a good gift idea for a woman?

There's a clock on the stove!

good thing your wife doesn't post here

 

[TODDB33]

Guy starts every New Year off with sex with his wife. He asks he if she would like to go a second time. she says no you sweat the second time -he says that's because it's July