OT: One Line Jokes
- Thread starter zappaa
- Start date
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
10 years ago, the US had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no hope, no cash, and no jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender exclaims, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you." The screwdriver responds, "You have a drink named Stanley?"
A man sits down at a bar, orders a drink and mutters, "All lawyers are assholes."
"I object to that comment," says the man next to him.
"Why? Are you a lawyer?" responds the first man.
"No," answers the second man. "I'm an asshole."
"I object to that comment," says the man next to him.
"Why? Are you a lawyer?" responds the first man.
"No," answers the second man. "I'm an asshole."
An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Scot are sitting in a bar. They order a round of beers. The Scot comments, "In my hometown pub in Aberdeen, when you order 3 pints, they give you a fourth for free."
The Englishman, not to be outdone, replies, "That's nothing. At my favorite pub in Sheffield, they give you a free pint for every pint you order."
"That's nothing," responds the Irishman. "Back home in Galway there's a pub that gives special customers free pint after free pint. And then you can go upstairs and have sex."
"Really?" exclaim the two others. "Has that ever happened to you?"
"No," says the Irishman. "But it happens to me sister all the time."
The Englishman, not to be outdone, replies, "That's nothing. At my favorite pub in Sheffield, they give you a free pint for every pint you order."
"That's nothing," responds the Irishman. "Back home in Galway there's a pub that gives special customers free pint after free pint. And then you can go upstairs and have sex."
"Really?" exclaim the two others. "Has that ever happened to you?"
"No," says the Irishman. "But it happens to me sister all the time."
What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say? "Beat it - we're closed."
An American, Englishman, and an Irishman are sitting at a bar together each drinking a beer. Simultaneously a fly lands in each of their glass.
American's response: "Waiter can I please get another beer?"
Englishman's response: picks the fly out and continues to drink the beer
Irishman's response: grabs the fly by the wings, and in a typical Irish brogue says to it "Alright... spit it out!"
American's response: "Waiter can I please get another beer?"
Englishman's response: picks the fly out and continues to drink the beer
Irishman's response: grabs the fly by the wings, and in a typical Irish brogue says to it "Alright... spit it out!"
A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.
A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes
and it won't matter to you, how about a little sex before you go?"
She screamed, "NO! Bug off you filthy old man!"
He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay, I'll just go and wait at the bottom then."
She didn't jump..........
A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes
and it won't matter to you, how about a little sex before you go?"
She screamed, "NO! Bug off you filthy old man!"
He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay, I'll just go and wait at the bottom then."
She didn't jump..........
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