OT: Bullying In Schools

[yesrutgers01]

Just needed to put this out there. If you are a parent and have school aged children. Make sure to talk to them and really listen. Also- if your kid is the popular kid, top athlete and or well respected in their school. Talk to them about standing up for kids that they see going through it. Even if it is just checking to see if they are ok or a smile every once in a while.
We are so happy that our kids took this approach- even our oldest that played here and was the biggest, most out spoken , most popular kid in his school. He was also always a ball buster to his friends and had no problem speaking his mind to teachers- one thing that never happened- no one in that school would bully a kid anywhere near him. Many of his friends that also came to the house where the outcasts as well.

I post this as my niece, who is 13 y/o just tried and almost successfully to commit suicide yesterday. She and her mom recently moved from Lodi to Madison and she is in a new school. LAst year a gang of over 10 girls jumped her at the Garden State Mall, beat her unconscious, kicked her in the head numerous times and stripped her clothes off in the middle of the mall and filmed it and distributed it. Those girls were all arrested but a couple of days ago- someone found this video and shared it around her new school and they started making fun of seeing her nude body.
She is recovering today after a very rough night. She was found unresponsive, pale and purple lips by her mother who made have found her just in time.

So teach your kids and talk to them. Listen to them as well.

I just had to share as this is very important. Your child could be hiding depression or bullying or your child could be that person that could make a difference in someone's life.

 

[RU Golfer]

Absolutely terrible, sounds like there are kids in that new school that need a good beating.

 

[hinson32]

Thanks for sharing this, and you are 100% correct. Social media has made it a lot harder for kids to navigate middle/high school these days. I talk to my son all the time about treating all his classmates well. I am lucky that my son is "popular", but I have seen a lot of other young kids have it rough. I hope your niece gets better soon.

 

[Plum Street]

Thank you for sharing. I really thought bullying was not tolerated at all in schools . It just seems odd , like there was less bullying or milder bullying back in the old days when there wasn’t much of an effort to control or stop it . Now it’s a big time thing and lots of money thrown at it .
Social media is a game changer . Kids and young adults don’t post any pictures of themselves up or send without filtering it first . It’s a tough time to be coming of age.

 

[fsg2]

Damn, sorry to hear that about your niece. Glad she's still here and hope she heals over time.

Great message to share.

 

[gef21]

Sorry to hear that.

Being in school buildings, and coachings two sports, the social media bullying thing is REALLY bad. It can escalate exceptionally quickly and create terrible situations before people can even try to stop it.

The social media thing gives a wall for kids to hide behind.

 

[Doctor Worm]

I liked your post, but I also hate it, if you know what I mean.

 

[batts]

So sad and just sickening. Those girls really crossed the line and should be tried as adults. This wasn't a prank gone awry; it was a brutal beating and sadistic attempt at humiliation.

 

[mdk01]

Just needed to put this out there. If you are a parent and have school aged children. Make sure to talk to them and really listen. Also- if your kid is the popular kid, top athlete and or well respected in their school. Talk to them about standing up for kids that they see going through it. Even if it is just checking to see if they are ok or a smile every once in a while.
We are so happy that our kids took this approach- even our oldest that played here and was the biggest, most out spoken , most popular kid in his school. He was also always a ball buster to his friends and had no problem speaking his mind to teachers- one thing that never happened- no one in that school would bully a kid anywhere near him. Many of his friends that also came to the house where the outcasts as well.

I post this as my niece, who is 13 y/o just tried and almost successfully to commit suicide yesterday. She and her mom recently moved from Lodi to Madison and she is in a new school. LAst year a gang of over 10 girls jumped her at the Garden State Mall, beat her unconscious, kicked her in the head numerous times and stripped her clothes off in the middle of the mall and filmed it and distributed it. Those girls were all arrested but a couple of days ago- someone found this video and shared it around her new school and they started making fun of seeing her nude body.
She is recovering today after a very rough night. She was found unresponsive, pale and purple lips by her mother who made have found her just in time.

So teach your kids and talk to them. Listen to them as well.

I just had to share as this is very important. Your child could be hiding depression or bullying or your child could be that person that could make a difference in someone's life.

My first question is where the hell was mall security? A "knock out game" assault or quick "beat and run" incident is beyond their capacity to prevent, but this sounds like it went on for a while.

Second, someone referred to the old days, which includes mine. There certainly was bullying going on, but social media puts it on steroids.

Finally, I and I'm sure everyone posting wishes your niece a complete recovery. Time for her friends, and hopefully she made some during her brief time at her new school, really step up.

 

[Scarlet4Shore]

Prayers for you niece and family. My friend's daughter (now 15) has been bullied for years and often confided in me suicidal thoughts. It's not easy being a kid these days.

 

[RUPete]

I am so sorry to hear this. I pray for her recovery and for the bullying to stop.

 

[yesrutgers01]

My first question is where the hell was mall security? A "knock out game" assault or quick "beat and run" incident is beyond their capacity to prevent, but this sounds like it went on for a while.

Second, someone referred to the old days, which includes mine. There certainly was bullying going on, but social media puts it on steroids.

Finally, I and I'm sure everyone posting wishes your niece a complete recovery. Time for her friends, and hopefully she made some during her brief time at her new school, really step up.

That is a real question. And yeah- this was a setup and they were waiting for my niece. I do understand she gave the first 2 girls that jumped her a real run for their money until girls 3 and 4 jumped in. Went on for at least 5 minutes. And there is a lawsuit.
Bolded 2- unfortunetly, the girl who first found the video online is someone who my niece had considered her best friend at the new school.

 

[RUevolution36]

Thank you for sharing. I really thought bullying was not tolerated at all in schools . It just seems odd , like there was less bullying or milder bullying back in the old days when there wasn’t much of an effort to control or stop it . Now it’s a big time thing and lots of money thrown at it .
Social media is a game changer . Kids and young adults don’t post any pictures of themselves up or send without filtering it first . It’s a tough time to be coming of age.

Bullying on school grounds isn't tolerated, but it's really hard to police the internet/social media and what happens off school grounds.

 

[hankee18]

Sorry for your niece, yes

Social media sucks

Years ago you went home and it was like 2 different worlds. School was just some thing you dealt with during the weekday. Now kids are able to get in touch 24/7, all weekend long right from your pocket

I can't imagine what that's like at a young age

 

[yesrutgers01]

Prayers for you niece and family. My friend's daughter (now 15) has been bullied for years and often confided in me suicidal thoughts. It's not easy being a kid these days.

our niece had confided in my wife for quite a while. We have tried to talk to her mother previously but she didn't want to listen. They also have home troubles so we have been also shared at times with her school, police and child services of the same concerns about our nieces thoughts on suicide preciously and none of them have taken it serious.

 

[superfan01]

Really sorry to hear this @yesrutgers01 Hope your niece gets better and fully recovers.

 

[AreYouNUTS]

First off, this is awful, and all my thoughts and prayers to you, the family and most especially, your niece. Second, honestly, those 10 girls should rot in jail for the rest of their lives as far as I'm concerned (or at least long enough to actually GET it and weren't just served with a "slap on the wrist" as so many are getting away with these days...). Finally, I sure hope that charges are being pursued on the latest group of shitheads, right?

 

[Scarlet4Shore]

our niece had confided in my wife for quite a while. We have tried to talk to her mother previously but she didn't want to listen. They also have home troubles so we have been also shared at times with her school, police and child services of the same concerns about our nieces thoughts on suicide preciously and none of them have taken it serious.

It's a tough situation to be in. I didn't want to lose her trust in me, but I did tell the mom some of what she told me. Thankfully, she didn't act on any of her thoughts, but she did have a plan.

 

[yesrutgers01]

So sad and just sickening. Those girls really crossed the line and should be tried as adults. This wasn't a prank gone awry; it was a brutal beating and sadistic attempt at humiliation.

At least 2 of the girls were arrested and are going to trial. And it was a setup as a few months ago, my niece stood up for her friend against the main girl as that girl went after my nieces friend over a boy. These kids are dumb as Shat though...they jumped her, left her unconscious, stripped her down and then shared it all on SM...

 

[rutgersdave]

Sorry to hear the story and hope it doesn’t scar her for life. People can be cruel.

 

[yesrutgers01]

Thank you for sharing. I really thought bullying was not tolerated at all in schools . It just seems odd , like there was less bullying or milder bullying back in the old days when there wasn’t much of an effort to control or stop it . Now it’s a big time thing and lots of money thrown at it .
Social media is a game changer . Kids and young adults don’t post any pictures of themselves up or send without filtering it first . It’s a tough time to be coming of age.

It is worse then ever. I think that in many cases, the admin just don't know how to handle it and stick their heads in the sand and go through motions they have on a list in front of them.
When her mother called the school this morning to tell them what happened, the Principle had one major concern he wanted to talk to her mother about- that they had found a can of pepper spay in her daughter's bag the week before. No real concern for the SA or understanding why this 13 y/o may be carrying pepper spray...

 

[yesrutgers01]

The thing is- didn't post for what happened. I just wanted to post out there for parents of kids in school. Just talk to your kids and listen. And even if they are the cool, popular kid...really important to talk to them about what to do when they see bullying happening.

 

[RUBOB72]

In Madison NJ? Sounds like a very upscale town has completely gone down the crapper . Or is this a different Madison NJ. I know there were changes occurring 10-15 years ago but a girl gang . Never believed people living in $ 400-1 mil plus homes would have gangs in the school system . Oh wait never mind … we’ve had plenty of gangs infiltrate our country for awhile now. Carry On.

 

[Mr Magoo]

Absolutely horrible…and it’s almost always the parents’ fault. Thery’re the monsters that raise other monsters.

 

[29PAS]

What a terrible story. I hope that your niece is able to recover from all this and that the gang gets the punishment they deserve.

 

[RU205]

In Madison NJ? Sounds like a very upscale town has completely gone down the crapper . Or is this a different Madison NJ. I know there were changes occurring 10-15 years ago but a girl gang . Never believed people living in $ 400-1 mil plus homes would have gangs in the school system . Oh wait never mind … we’ve had plenty of gangs infiltrate our country for awhile now. Carry On.

There are a lot of bad kids in upscale towns

 

[Plum Street]

There are a lot of bad kids in upscale towns

Mo money , mo problems

 

[patk89]

Our town has had a problem with teen suicide. Preferred method is suicide by train. Family friend jumped 2 years ago. Social media crap. Beautiful and talented 15 year old with her whole life in front of her. Obviously devastated the family.

 

[mdk01]

That is a real question. And yeah- this was a setup and they were waiting for my niece. I do understand she gave the first 2 girls that jumped her a real run for their money until girls 3 and 4 jumped in. Went on for at least 5 minutes. And there is a lawsuit.
Bolded 2- unfortunetly, the girl who first found the video online is someone who my niece had considered her best friend at the new school.

Bolded 1 - Look for the mall to settle out of court.

Bolded 2- That TRULY sucks. Call me sexist if you want, but as bad as middle school boys are middle school girls are worse.

Edited to add: As my sister, mother of two girls and one boy now safely in adulthood said about middle school: "To old to be children, too young to be adults, just right to be assholes."

 

[fsg2]

There are a lot of bad kids in upscale towns

I thought the gang was from the old school in Lodi, not the new one in Madison.

 

[yesrutgers01]

In Madison NJ? Sounds like a very upscale town has completely gone down the crapper . Or is this a different Madison NJ. I know there were changes occurring 10-15 years ago but a girl gang . Never believed people living in $ 400-1 mil plus homes would have gangs in the school system . Oh wait never mind … we’ve had plenty of gangs infiltrate our country for awhile now. Carry On.

Original incident were girls from Lodi schools. They moved to Madison shortly after.new incident of them finding the video and spreading it around to everyone was in the Madison School.

 

[RUBOB72]

Original incident were girls from Lodi schools. They moved to Madison shortly after.new incident of them finding the video and spreading it around to everyone was in the Madison School.

Lodi is an entirely different demographic altogether since the late 90’s -2000’s . Bergen County has some great areas and some which in 2022 are not the Lodi many grew up in . It is like in Long Island where affluent , educated and prosperous put down roots. The new reality is there are numerous other examples of towns on their borders which are rundown, drug and MS 13 gang infested. How many on this board who post live in those type towns or cities? I would bet not many . It always sounds good to say I’m for improving the lot of all people yet the majority really doesn’t care and we should all see that in Washington DC .

Mo money , mo problems

 

[yesrutgers01]

Lodi is an entirely different demographic altogether since the late 90’s -2000’s . Bergen County has some great areas and some which in 2022 are not the Lodi many grew up in . It is like in Long Island where affluent , educated and prosperous put down roots. The new reality is there are numerous other examples of towns on their borders which are rundown, drug and MS 13 gang infested. How many on this board who post live in those type towns or cities? I would bet not many . It always sounds good to say I’m for improving the lot of all people yet the majority really doesn’t care and we should all see that in Washington DC .

20 years or so ago- you think Lodi and you think of mostly Italian with a long history of the family living there.
Now- not so much.

 

[RUBOB72]

20 years or so ago- you think Lodi and you think of mostly Italian with a long history of the family living there.
Now- not so much.

You would be exactly correct about Lodi. If people actually were being honest about the nuclear family and it’s benefits to society and all the things which seem to be wrong and therefore racist may not in fact still exist. I don’t reside in an all white NJ town it is very mixed and for what I see are people who just want to live in peace and agree to disagree when necessary. There are too many who wish to paint PEOPLE as well vile, evil and bad. News flash the majority of everyday people are decent and caring it the groups that are our supposed leaders who continue to drop the ball.

 

[RUPete]

Sorry for your niece, yes

Social media sucks

Years ago you went home and it was like 2 different worlds. School was just some thing you dealt with during the weekday. Now kids are able to get in touch 24/7, all weekend long right from your pocket

I can't imagine what that's like at a young age

I always think about that too. Definitely wouldn't want to be a kid today when I see things like this happen.

 

[batts]

I actually have a feel good story about bullying. My brother has a nephew who was on the autistic scale but mainstreamed into his highschool. The nephew was a big, broadshouldered kid. One day some punk decided to show off in front of a couple of girls by punching the nephew once or twice in the face. The nephew decided that enough was enough, hauled off and punched the bully so hard that he broke his jaw, knocked him out cold, and during the fall broke his collar bone. The bully's parents complained to the school but was told nothing would be done because he was the agreessor.

 

[mdk01]

20 years or so ago- you think Lodi and you think of mostly Italian with a long history of the family living there.
Now- not so much.

Lodi is an entirely different demographic altogether since the late 90’s -2000’s . Bergen County has some great areas and some which in 2022 are not the Lodi many grew up in . It is like in Long Island where affluent , educated and prosperous put down roots. The new reality is there are numerous other examples of towns on their borders which are rundown, drug and MS 13 gang infested. How many on this board who post live in those type towns or cities? I would bet not many . It always sounds good to say I’m for improving the lot of all people yet the majority really doesn’t care and we should all see that in Washington DC .

More like the late 80's - 90's. 20 years ago the change was well under way. And look at Huntington's problem with MS-13 on Long Island.

 

[mdk01]

I actually have a feel good story about bullying. My brother has a nephew who was on the autistic scale but mainstreamed into his highschool. The nephew was a big, broadshouldered kid. One day some punk decided to show off in front of a couple of girls by punching the nephew once or twice in the face. The nephew decided that enough was enough, hauled off and punched the bully so hard that he broke his jaw, knocked him out cold, and during the fall broke his collar bone. The bully's parents complained to the school but was told nothing would be done because he was the agreessor.

Unfortunately that strikes me as a rare occurrence.

 

[RW90]

No words. Prayers for your niece and family.

 

[yesrutgers01]

I always think about that too. Definitely wouldn't want to be a kid today when I see things like this happen.

It is extremely tough on kids now. Back when were kids- first, there were no damn pictures or videos of anything that may happen in private. Now- you have kids persuading other kids to do stupid things on SM with peer pressure. And then, when they do, stupid or not, that content get used to bully them. Back in our day- even if you did something under peer pressure- there usually was no proof or nothing people could keep going back to.
I hate to say it- but way back when I was younger- bullying wasn't as bad to the level it is now and I hate to say it, kids would go home, cry some and then go back to school. There were rare occasions where it could become constant but they were easy to deal with if you were a parent, teacher or Admin.
We also didn't have a million different venues where other depressed or bullied kids are telling other how to go about suicide or how to get back at others.
Plus, no one really wants to listen.